deepundergroundpoetry.com
untitled haiku
a golden leaf
and a memory
~how much they have in common
and a memory
~how much they have in common
Published 8th Nov 2010
| Edited 25th Nov 2010
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Nov 2010 2:37am
8th Nov 2010 3:36am
although this is a good poem i just feel it's not on par with some of your other haikus
8th Nov 2010 10:57am
8th Nov 2010 2:47pm
i mean this poem doesnt make me go wow this is amazing not like your other ones
8th Nov 2010 5:34pm
Anonymous
8th Nov 2010 5:52pm
This seems a bit too elongated. I would have written it like this:
A golden leaf
a memory
have strong connections.
The central idea is beautiful though, and as always this touches the heart, Opheliac.
A golden leaf
a memory
have strong connections.
The central idea is beautiful though, and as always this touches the heart, Opheliac.
8th Nov 2010 6:16pm
indeed it's too long
i like your version as well is so simple as a haiku must be !
i will rewrite the ending!
thanks jack!
10th Nov 2010 5:32am
10th Nov 2010 10:54am
13th Nov 2010 1:06pm
i like the way its written. if anything i would omit the words "and" & "oh", but thats just me.
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Jan 2019 8:46am
23rd Nov 2010 4:16pm
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