deepundergroundpoetry.com
Distance
Friends once again.
Mended a broken heart.
Fixed a broken bridge.
Now we talk,
sometimes. . .
sort of. . .
maybe. . .
a little bit at a time. . .
But it's been months that feel like years.
And we live so faraway even though in retrospect we're so close.
I miss you.
And am glad to have you back.
But there's the wall.
The thin ice that I am to walk on.
This renewed friendship is new, but sometimes it's old.
But I feel like we're still miles and miles away.
There are tears that we have cried that we not seen.
There have been new scars.
And now sorrows.
And we have been living separate lives.
But we're still talking and I feel like we're running out of things to stay.
You message me and I have to think about things to ask.
And then the question come back secretive and vague.
So I keep my distance, we are not the old friends that we were before.
We are stranger resuming something that has been finally un-paused, and now we forgot the general plot of what was going on.
What happen to the girl that visited me at hotels I lived at and dragged me into a pull with her.
Where is the girl that met me her freshman year because of the story I was writing about the half-vampire with the purple eyes.
I don't want you to read this but I know that you will.
And that makes me scared because I don't want you to see me feelings.
So raw and open.
Like a split open scar.
I feel so vulnerable.
When we agreed to start our friendship over, and I cried and hugged my boyfriend because I was so happy to have you back.
I am keeping my distance when I write to you.
Do you feel it in the air?
Is there a tightness in the front of your mind when you have to reply to me?
Are you racking your brain trying to remember what to talk about?
I am. I do. I have. I will, when you message me again.
I'm happy we're friends again.
I just feel like I don't know you anymore.
We were friends months ago and it might as well be years.
I'm glad you are back.
But I am scared to let go again and tell you my feelings and secrets.
I am scared to explain to you how I feel.
I do not know how much of us has changed since the poetry wars we had on this very website.
I have lost and cried over so many things and for the longest time I was angry about the reason why you hated me and stopped speaking to me.
But when you let me back because I asked if you were alright because of a poem. . .
I want to ask you again. . .
If you are alright?
If you are okay?
What the words in your poems mean?
If your life has gotten better.
And I want to apologize for what I said when we stopped speaking to each other.
I want to say I'm sorry.
Because the things I said were wrong.
And mean.
And cruel.
And I am sorry, I was angry and hurt and those emotions spoke to you not the girl that was crying on the other side of the screen.
So I am sorry.
And thank you for being friends with me again.
Thank you for letting us start over.
Just thank you.
That's all I wanted to say.
Mended a broken heart.
Fixed a broken bridge.
Now we talk,
sometimes. . .
sort of. . .
maybe. . .
a little bit at a time. . .
But it's been months that feel like years.
And we live so faraway even though in retrospect we're so close.
I miss you.
And am glad to have you back.
But there's the wall.
The thin ice that I am to walk on.
This renewed friendship is new, but sometimes it's old.
But I feel like we're still miles and miles away.
There are tears that we have cried that we not seen.
There have been new scars.
And now sorrows.
And we have been living separate lives.
But we're still talking and I feel like we're running out of things to stay.
You message me and I have to think about things to ask.
And then the question come back secretive and vague.
So I keep my distance, we are not the old friends that we were before.
We are stranger resuming something that has been finally un-paused, and now we forgot the general plot of what was going on.
What happen to the girl that visited me at hotels I lived at and dragged me into a pull with her.
Where is the girl that met me her freshman year because of the story I was writing about the half-vampire with the purple eyes.
I don't want you to read this but I know that you will.
And that makes me scared because I don't want you to see me feelings.
So raw and open.
Like a split open scar.
I feel so vulnerable.
When we agreed to start our friendship over, and I cried and hugged my boyfriend because I was so happy to have you back.
I am keeping my distance when I write to you.
Do you feel it in the air?
Is there a tightness in the front of your mind when you have to reply to me?
Are you racking your brain trying to remember what to talk about?
I am. I do. I have. I will, when you message me again.
I'm happy we're friends again.
I just feel like I don't know you anymore.
We were friends months ago and it might as well be years.
I'm glad you are back.
But I am scared to let go again and tell you my feelings and secrets.
I am scared to explain to you how I feel.
I do not know how much of us has changed since the poetry wars we had on this very website.
I have lost and cried over so many things and for the longest time I was angry about the reason why you hated me and stopped speaking to me.
But when you let me back because I asked if you were alright because of a poem. . .
I want to ask you again. . .
If you are alright?
If you are okay?
What the words in your poems mean?
If your life has gotten better.
And I want to apologize for what I said when we stopped speaking to each other.
I want to say I'm sorry.
Because the things I said were wrong.
And mean.
And cruel.
And I am sorry, I was angry and hurt and those emotions spoke to you not the girl that was crying on the other side of the screen.
So I am sorry.
And thank you for being friends with me again.
Thank you for letting us start over.
Just thank you.
That's all I wanted to say.
Published 26th May 2013
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