ANOTHER STILL-BORN POEM      

         
my eyes look back        
     over the centuries        
my mind looks back        
     over my life        
no clear way        
     to harmonize        
all these overlapping        
     convoluted histories        
all caught up in        
     and lost        
a million times over        
     within its constant flux        
of ever diminishing light        
       
should i bury  
     my silent        
post natal poetry        
     pre fetally        
back in my heart        
     or expressively        
let it all out        
     only to risk its        
potentially becoming        
     even more futilely  
lost        
       
out there in both        
     the frenzied        
and mundane        
     ravenous insanity        
the heartless        
     soulless grayness        
of this terminal        
     modern world        
gone mad        
       
i turn off all        
     the so called experts        
turn off        
     the damned t v        
its so obvious        
     to me now        
no one can ever        
     understand me        
as much as i        
     understand me        
myself  alone        
       
i know i must        
     simply stop trying        
to always over
     explain myself        
in seeking such        
     overly compromised        
shallow  myopic
     meaningless        
acceptance        
     throughout
lifes seemingly
     endless        
struggles
     at the even
more meaningless
     sacrifice  price
of over compromising
     further denying
and losing myself
     and the greater
innermost truth
     of my self
and the uniquely
     one of a kind
individual gifts
     i bring into
this world
     at this time
at the pathetically
     weak minded
shallow  empty cost
     of simply wanting
to better fit in
     to the less
lonely life
     desire and lie
 of only wanting
     to feel more
a part of all them
     that majority
of most others
     in this world
completely unlike me
     in almost every
way at all
     all for the
soulless choice
     the hopelessly
sold out
     lost cause
and the one way
     intractable
ultimate cost
     of not being true
to myself
     and no longer
being able
     to freely share
my true inner light
     with everyone else
and with
     everything else
here now in this
     ever increasingly
fading and dying
     temporal
illusory world

       
where i realize  now        
     im just as lost        
here in this so called        
     civilized wilderness        
wasteland of this    
     self destructive world        
as the next guy        
     and all those        
who so delusionally        
     believe and claim        
theyre not        
     only im not quite        
nearly so deeply        
     invested in it        
nor as much        
     sold out to its  
false  illusory  
     soul thieving  
facade s
     misleading
fictitious lies  
     as most        
       
with the only          
     big difference        
between me        
     and all them        
perhaps being        
     that im among        
that undetermined        
     minority        
who if given        
     a choice        
or chance        
     would probably        
prefer        
     and choose        
to remain        
     that way        
this way        
     i presently am        
right now    
     for all the rest    
of my days
     on this
soul honing ride    
     than not
even if i could
     or had to
come back
     to do it
and live it
     all over
again
     i d truly
hate to
     but nonetheless
and never
     the less
i now know
     that i
would