Twenny Ten

A year  
a day    
a moment  
I'll never forget.....  
   
.....they came  
I gave  
Tripped up  
Loads of regret  
   
"Doing me" in the midst  
of a bad situation  
On my knees begging the bosses  
receiving nothing more    
than gross aggravation....  
   
....thus begins the disaggregation  
of my "so called" life.  
   
Twenny Ten........  
   
.....the engine momentarily coughed  
That which had always been so strong  
Satan poked through a rusty spot    
that was just a little bit soft.  
   
Exploited me  
totally  
Blaming myself    
completely....  
   
....for feeling bad  
being sad  
Working sick  
needing to be fixed  
   
Finding truth  
Bustin' loose  
Loosing my self esteem  
Taking one for the damned team........  
   
.......for something that didn't even amount to a hill of beans  
 
Two years later, nearing the end  
Wondering if my life will ever be the same again  
Numerous times, I've placed the knife to my wrist  
Thinking that if I cut deeply, my life would become  
sheer bliss  
   
Friends say they know the substance of the man  
He's never known trouble  
He's always done the best that he can  
   
"A slap on the wrist,  
you can get through this"  
I appreciate your kind words  
but in kindness    
the point you've seemed to miss  
   
....the reasons that I hurt so bad  
and at night when I'm alone, I feel so sad  
So damned mad.....wanting my existence to be  
just like the one that I had  
   
Before........  
   
.......but will I ever again run back  
through that Golden door  
Will I ever be that Golden Boy again?  
Will the pharisees ever forget my sin?  
   
Yet in the dusty corners of my mind  
I know change must come  
There's a better day  
right down the line  
   
As a man of faith, my heart knows  
that as one door closes, another opens  
better days await and only my God knows....  
   
......but the weakness of the flesh still wonders  
   
Will this pain ever reach an end?  
I pray that this test I shall never see again  
This is but a battle; the war is mine to win  
   
If I can survive and erase  
the memories of.........  
   
.......Twenny Ten