flight

         
         
sitting in the pub down in Sydney          
my ex-girlfriend hurling anger at me          
in message and text          
while the work crew          
are talking loud across the table          
drinking ‘cos the plane          
to take us back to the job          
is late          
         
time gets away          
and then the topless waitresses are out          
but I can’t even look ‘em in the arse          
aint got an ounce of joy for women right now          
ploughed ‘em into the ground          
every time our hips have touched          
         
get to the airport      
get on the plane         
phone off ‘cos the anger being sent me          
is only adding to my darknesses          
lean back in the seat          
hostess comes down the aisle          
and I stare out the window    
run a hand slow over my eyes       
fighting back none-of-your-fucking-business          
         
pilot starts the engines          
while I pray he’s a madman          
with the same need I got          
to run the thing into the ground          
         
land up the coast          
empty          
walk for the terminal          
watch people around me          
falling into the arms of loved ones          
women and kids hugging men who can feel it          
         
walk through the crowd          
struggle not to run          
head for the truck          
get in          
no sense of having been anywhere          
light a smoke          
stare at the wheel          
feel my heart in my chest          
doing 110          
not brave enough to turn my phone on again          
         
drive down the coast          
the sun falling into the hills          
like it’s given up on the light          
         
turn into the farmstay driveway          
see their dogs come running at me          
growl at ‘em out the window          
to shut the fuck up          
and nearly love ‘em anyway          
for not caring  
what I am