deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mind the Gap
How do we fill in the gap between being born and dying?
With sleeping and talking and thinking and walking and shopping and driving
and flying;
With meeting friends, making amends, trying to put things right,
Wishing we'd done things differently in the middle of the night.
Some of us kill, some of us swill, some of us cheat on our wives,
Some of us nurture our children, some of us ruin their lives.
Some fill the gap with boredom, lumbering from bed to settee,
Wasting life's precious allotment gorging on daytime TV;
Others are obsessively active, never a moment to spare -
Running committees and holding collections and badgering those who don't
care.
Some of us squander, some of us ponder, most of us bumble along,
Going to work, paying the bills, hoping it won't all go wrong.
And what did it bring us, we wonder, as decline turns into fall:
Surprise, awareness, knowledge, fun, and love, oh yes, love, most of all.
With sleeping and talking and thinking and walking and shopping and driving
and flying;
With meeting friends, making amends, trying to put things right,
Wishing we'd done things differently in the middle of the night.
Some of us kill, some of us swill, some of us cheat on our wives,
Some of us nurture our children, some of us ruin their lives.
Some fill the gap with boredom, lumbering from bed to settee,
Wasting life's precious allotment gorging on daytime TV;
Others are obsessively active, never a moment to spare -
Running committees and holding collections and badgering those who don't
care.
Some of us squander, some of us ponder, most of us bumble along,
Going to work, paying the bills, hoping it won't all go wrong.
And what did it bring us, we wonder, as decline turns into fall:
Surprise, awareness, knowledge, fun, and love, oh yes, love, most of all.
Published 12th Oct 2010
| Edited 9th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 1102
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Oct 2010 11:28am
5th Nov 2010 11:39pm
11th Nov 2010 1:54pm
23rd May 2011 9:14pm
When I was last in London I bought a pair of knickers with "mind the gap" on... thought I'd share that, given that sonnets are all good taste and such...
The rhymes work suprisingly well given the metric anomalies and I must confess, I admire you greatly for pulling that off. L6 is a little awkward to my ear, with an odd stress falling on "lumbering" -- I wonder if "as they lumber" works for you? Similarly, in L8 I need to rush "obsessively", but it's such a good word that my suggestion would be a slight change to the start of the line "and others, obsessively active" (comma or colon, I couldn't decide which).
I really enjoyed this. Long lines, deftly handled, are so rarely seen -- and though the couplets and the language itself give it a lighthearted feel, this is most deceptive. There's great depth and I like it a whole lot.
The rhymes work suprisingly well given the metric anomalies and I must confess, I admire you greatly for pulling that off. L6 is a little awkward to my ear, with an odd stress falling on "lumbering" -- I wonder if "as they lumber" works for you? Similarly, in L8 I need to rush "obsessively", but it's such a good word that my suggestion would be a slight change to the start of the line "and others, obsessively active" (comma or colon, I couldn't decide which).
I really enjoyed this. Long lines, deftly handled, are so rarely seen -- and though the couplets and the language itself give it a lighthearted feel, this is most deceptive. There's great depth and I like it a whole lot.
Thank you very much, Bodicea, I value your judgement. Re the message on your knickers, for any of our readers who don't know London, 'Mind the gap!' is the message relayed over the PA at tube (subway) stations to warn people about not slipping into the gap between the train and the platform.
As for the lines you mentioned, I see your point entirely, but in my head I hear the word 'lumbering' as 'lumb'ring', thus producing a standard trochaic disyllable. Similarly, with 'Others are obsessively active', I sort of suppress the 2nd syllable of 'others' to produce a trochee: 'Oth's are'. Perhaps it only works when I have my own English accent going through my head. But again, many thanks.
As for the lines you mentioned, I see your point entirely, but in my head I hear the word 'lumbering' as 'lumb'ring', thus producing a standard trochaic disyllable. Similarly, with 'Others are obsessively active', I sort of suppress the 2nd syllable of 'others' to produce a trochee: 'Oth's are'. Perhaps it only works when I have my own English accent going through my head. But again, many thanks.
1st Jun 2011 9:21pm
Always write as you'd say it yourself, of course -- if I put an extra-strong stress on BOREdom and pause properly at the comma, your way does work. Actually, reading it that way alters the next line so I'm in your rhythm now. "Others are" is a rather large bit of elision and I really had to spit the marbles out of my mouth to get that :) The more I read this, the more I enjoy that slightly sprung trochaic rhythm (with bonus dactyls).
2nd Jun 2011 5:17pm
29th Mar 2012 7:34pm
15th Aug 2012 12:16pm
