deepundergroundpoetry.com

My Mother Once Told Me

My mother once told me I was beautiful.
Except, in that one single word.
Beautiful.
Then she smiled up at me and wiped the tears from my cheek and said
“love you.”
From her chapped lips in her hospital bed and after 5 long months of brainless blatancy,
She smiled.
She smiled at me with the first smile she had shown since August of last year
and said
“Beautiful.”
My mother is MY definition of beautiful.
And even after life has tried to take her from me time and time again,
despite the crooked scar that runs from the left side of the back of her neck to her forehead,
she is STILL beautiful.
Never in my life did I ever think that my mother’s seemingly lifeless body
would be lying in front of my tearstained cheeks
with nothing but a sterilized bed sheet and her solid promise
to never, ever leave me shielding her from the storm going on
inside of her head.
I’ve spent months with the thundering echo of sirens
and machine beeps
and the click…click…click…of the ventilator
and my daddy’s bloodcurdling screams slicing into my thoughs
that I can’t even remember what it was like to think without feeling
so broken,
I can’t even remember my mother before she was
broken,
When some kind of Devil let a stroke take control of the brain
she doesn’t even know anymore, and her entire life was snatched from her
like the painful SNAP of a rubber band,
a “Johnny, don’t hit your brother” slap on the wrist…
Do you not understand?
Her entire life was gone as quick as the punishment for a five year old.
And I, I had to give her up.
I had to let Jesus, who CLAIMS to do things with a greater plan in mind,
take her away from me.
From my daddy.
From my sister.
From my brother who’s not even old enough to know what’s happening to her…
I have YET to SEE the POSITIVE.
Because, how can I make my thoughts stop pounding with
“She’s alive, but she can’t walk.”
and
“She’s alive, but she can’t talk.”

I have not been lucky for half a second since August.
Because she would not be this stressed and depressed and RESTless
If God had just let her die.
But he DIDN’T.

At least someone in this world finally realized the way that I had to

That a baby girl NEEDS her mommy.

And that’s BEAUTIFUL.
Written by PlantedSoul
Published
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