Anger: Conflicted

It's very easy to hate you for what you have done
And I've got a feeling that I'm not the only one
Now that everyone knows the entire truth
It feels so good knowing they finally see you for you
Perfect image you thought was so easy to maintain
Imperfections now exposed I'd like to see you explain
You've told me your fucked up version and just cuz I chose to accept
It doesn't mean that they will and I can't tell you what to expect

You threw me into a battle that you knew I was sure to lose
All because you were too damn scared to choose
The fire was hot and you never even gave me water
Left me to fight it alone, a hand you never cared to offer
And you wonder why I've got so much anger in my soul?
Consider yourself lucky that I found a way to keep control

So much time in my life I feel like I've wasted
Couldn't make up your mind while I just patiently waited
Let you set the pace on your terms for way too long
Upset with myself for allowing this to go on! It was wrong!

What pisses me off is I should want to destroy you
And when I think about it I'd kind of enjoy to
But there's a part of me that believes you didn't mean for this mess
Justification for everything yup I always do it best

If I weren't so understanding maybe there's no way that I would
And I'd focus on the fact that if you loved me how you could
Be so clueless and careless to my feelings and my health
Avoid communication and only think about yourself
The disrespect to my love and what felt like manipulation
Your idiotic reasons and lack of good explanations
These are all things I should not let you get away with
But foolish me I believe you can make changes

If I'm wrong expect my anger to hit your ass full force
I'm done with your excuses time I will give no more
Just cuz I know why you do things it does not make them right
And I know I don't need this kind of bullshit in my life

But if we want this to work a mutual attempt must be made
I must let go of this anger and not just hope that it will fade
I've got to release it out of me before I can begin to heal
There's so much of this I didn't allow myself to feel
Maybe if I'd allowed myself to feel it and not been so cool and calm
I wouldn't have as much inside me as I appear to have got
Yet another life lesson for me to learn and take
From what looks like an all too obvious mistake

But when anger provides motivation and keeps clarity in your brain
How do you let it go when it's the thing that keeps you sane?
Seems essential if that second chance should fall out of place
Can't help but want to cling to a little bit for safety just in case