Almost Me Again

Last year I almost thought the world would indeed end
With several months of mine taken from me
Trying to make a reality of what was only pretend
But finally now I am free
And I don't really want to go back there
I'd avoid it at any cost if I could
It's hard to detect how much you really care
When you still sort of believe that I should
You say you understand all that I went through
But to tell you the truth that only leaves me amused
I'm quite certain that you haven't got a clue
Seeing as how it took me having to point it out to you
Maybe it's crazy with just how far I went
But that's a reflection of how threatened I felt
Taking it to the very furthest extent
To cope with the cards I'd been dealt
Had to eliminate every single vulnerability
Couldn't afford for much emotion to be expressed
Necessary for ensuring that I was thinking logically
It was required to deal with inflicted stress
Times set up to make me slip and fall
Were unsuccessful at their every attempt
Could see them miles away from my security wall
Always at least one step ahead
With someone manipulative and unwilling to compromise
I gave all I could to try to make things work
I put myself up for sacrifice
And in some ways it only made things worse
An irrational decision that I made for you
Following the guidance of my heart's direction
Until those things that you chose not to do
Turned my reasons into questions
The ultimate test of true dedication
The most important one you happened to fail
Never wanted you to become a complication
I thought I knew your heart in great detail
Too afraid to stand in my corner you were
As I walked those rocky roads all on my own
I feel like only now am I starting to recover
It feels so god damn good to be home!
I can inhale a deep breath of fresh oxygen
Don't have to keep parts of myself confined
Say goodbye to all of the exhaustion
And just leave that chapter of my life behind
I can relax by myself and let feelings flow
No more having to watch my back at every turn
Guess it was somewhat worth it because at least now I know
It was a necessary lesson that I had to learn
Months of trying to survive a stressful situation
Will leave you a little messed up for months to come
Even though you're fine and you know you've made it
The mind still has the tendency to run
I still don't know what the point was exactly
The end result was pretty easy to predict
False hope will make you can believe you can be happy
When the truth is way too hard to admit
Should have listened to the few warnings I received
But I just had to see how you would really act
I knew I could keep composure I'm aware of my abilities
Just never knew it would take so long to get the real me back