Thoughts

I woke up feeling like shit today. You see, my diet, these last couple weeks, has consisted of weed, cigarettes, and junk food. My brain has felt all fuzzy this whole time. I feel like I'm dreaming. Some days I have trouble telling what conversations have taken place and which ones were in my head.
Let me start at the beginning.

I'm visiting Indianapolis, Indiana for a month. I needed to get away from home, from my parent's arguing, from my boring life. I needed something new.
I feel free, although, some days I feel like vomiting and passing out. I'm exhausted and things are hazy.
Bare with me here, my train of thought is out of wack.

I've spent plenty of time with friends whom, since I moved to Tennessee, I don't get to see much anymore.

I met a girl while I've been up here. I keep getting mixed signals from her; brief glances through bedroom eyes, the way her eyes might trail up and down my body, suggestive things she's said to me. My friend told me she doesn't sleep with virgins though, so that's my luck.

I think this trip is a journey to find myself. I've been changing. Some of you probably saw that in my "Reflection" entries. In my current state it's hard to tell who I am. Am I the  cynical mind that wrote those twisted entries, or am I the normal me? The scary thing is, I kind of hope it's the former.

I've lost count of how many packs of cigarettes I've bought while up here. Each one is like another tally mark counting ever closer to the day I'll die. With as tired as I've been these last few day I think death could have its way with me.

I need a nap
I just wanted to write something.