deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sugar Head
SugarHead
Contagious smiles
And even catchier giggles
She walked among her coworkers.
Waving and greeting
Asking about their weekend
While logging on to her working space.
Looking over her shoulder with a grin
She was sure her newest amulet
Would get his distracted attention.
Turning around playfully
And acting as fresh as a raindrop
She greeted him with a humble hey!
He noticed indeed
The skull hanging around her neck
See? It sure pays off being a sugar head!
Contagious smiles
And even catchier giggles
She walked among her coworkers.
Waving and greeting
Asking about their weekend
While logging on to her working space.
Looking over her shoulder with a grin
She was sure her newest amulet
Would get his distracted attention.
Turning around playfully
And acting as fresh as a raindrop
She greeted him with a humble hey!
He noticed indeed
The skull hanging around her neck
See? It sure pays off being a sugar head!
Published 8th Apr 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Apr 2013 9:35pm
Let me start by saying that I really enjoyed the lightness and playfulness of the poem. The only problem was the 4th line as it stops the flow of the other three lines. I don't think the line itself needs to be rewritten, but just try reading it at the start of the poem:
She walked among her coworkers;
SugarHead,
Contagious smiles
And even catchier giggles.
I think that works better. Please let me know what you think!
She walked among her coworkers;
SugarHead,
Contagious smiles
And even catchier giggles.
I think that works better. Please let me know what you think!
