Comedy writer and also write serious stuff from the heart when I'm in the mood. Without humour life has no real balance and we take ourselves too seriously. I use humour as armour against the slings and arrows of outrageous circumstance. ;-)
William Wigglesworth was a very pleasant but rather unworldly man. He'd inherited a maggot farm from his father which he now ran with great enthusiasm. Wigglesworth and Wigglesworth supplied fishing tackle shops throughout the land with every conceivable sort of bait fresh and frozen. He supplied rag and lugworm, sand eels, maggots fat and thin and of every colour and type. William kept in touch with others of the same calling and built up a great reputation in the trade.
One day he had the bright idea of starting a trade association to ensure that standards in the industry were...
A Yank a Brit and an Aussie were sat in an Irish pub, They’d drunk some pints of Guiness; they’d eaten lovely grub, They started reminiscing of boozers far away, This reminds me my local pub the Englishman did say,
Where every fifth drink that you called on Saturday night was free, And the barmaids were delightful and took good care of me, I know a bar in old New York the American gent did say, Where on a Friday night there every fourth drink give away.
On this remembrance Sunday I post this with no apologies for simplicity.
He stands there at the cenotaph, his figure slightly bowed, Chill winds blow his overcoat as rain falls upon the crowd, This his annual pilgrimage to remember friends he’s known, Who went to war beside him and never made it home,
If you called him a hero he’d laugh and shake his head, We only did our little bit there’s nothing to be said, The other lads were heroes those who gave their lives, Never to return again to daughters, sons and wives,
I sit beside your bed Thinking of the time I first met you All those years ago Where did they go? Who is to know? We spent the bright coins of our youth Recklessly Fecklessly, Down the sunny lanes of life Never caring where we went Too late to repent
You stir, you speak, dark of eye and hollow cheek My tears held in check for a love soon to be lost I smile cheerfully falsely cheerful. Pardonable deceit “What can I get for you?” Dear wife oh were it another life. Drinking glass handed over Your hand trembling with...
Snow falls heavy at my feet I shuffle slowly down the street, What do you see? Do you really see me? Do you just see an older man? Long past his span, clinging on the best he can? Does the sight of me frighten you? It ought to do!
Once, like you, I had a wife led a real exciting life, Indulged in sex four times a week when like you I was at my peak, Kids grew up and moved away I’ve not seen them since the awful day, I buried their mother.
Gaze upon my age-wracked frame you might one day be the same, Times a thief that steals your...
I got on the island when the plane went down first I thought that I would drown, Listened to the passengers cry and scream as they ended their life dream, Lay on my back gave up the fight drifted off into the night, Shark swims up and looks at me but he’s not hungry glory be! Then I drifted off to sleep woke at dawn when I heard a beep, Bloody hell my watch alarm morning come and I’ve met no harm, I feel a bump an old tree stump land on the island it’s fuckin’ dump! Walk around it in a day no one here so gotta stay, Got no restaurants got no bar dis no place...
And so it came to pass, thoughtless folk of every class, Taking without giving calling it living, The earth's good lease will soon cease, May I never live to see it please,
So much they take and call it good, Cut the trees and steal the wood, They never should. And others, vainly pleading with their brothers, starve and die, Governments lie hungry children cry we are left, impotent, to wonder why, Was it us who didn't try?
And then mother earth was tired, came the end the lease expired, Couldn’t give us any more, no food or fuel in her...
You who now lay safely dead live forever in my head, I wake up shouting in the dark sweat soaked with memories clear and stark, Confronted on that jungle track all you did was stare right back, Eyes like saucers plain to see you were terrified just like me, You were barely seventeen, all your comrades dead or fled,
We stood there filled with mutual dread.
I point at your rifle “Dallam” I scream but you don’t put it down, and cling to it as in a dream, What the hell? You know the rule drop it now you bloody fool, You move at last but far too...