Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I write down whatever comes to mind. Just write and read later. Sometimes suprises sometimes dissapointment
Diary entry 10-01
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to die. Plain and simple. Just cease to exist. Forever silencing the voices in my head. Why is that soo hard? I’m going insane because of the unending screaming inside my mind. Nothing helps, drugs, therapy, talk, after talk, after talk, emdr, drama, art, interventions, mutilations, hospitalizations, failed suicide attempts. Where do I go from here? What else do I need to do? What else is left for me to try? Living? Caring? I tried those, didn’t help allot. For a short time love and happiness did lift my spirits. But the world is bigger than that....
#depression
#SelfHarm
#suicide #MentalHealth
#suicide #MentalHealth
562 reads
4 Comments
Holiday spirit
Even when Christmas is at our doorstep,
I cannot find relief in happy caroling.
Constant anxiety overflows my senses,
These feelings are getting even more unsettling.
While sickness and death roams free,
A world broken, a planet in distress.
No escape in sight, no end to the suffering.
I’m on the edge, on the brink of collapse.
Can I take more of this unearthly sadness?
where is my breaking point, how much is enough?
My body full of tension, my mind in disarray,
Voices still unheard, the words spoken were gruff.
...
I cannot find relief in happy caroling.
Constant anxiety overflows my senses,
These feelings are getting even more unsettling.
While sickness and death roams free,
A world broken, a planet in distress.
No escape in sight, no end to the suffering.
I’m on the edge, on the brink of collapse.
Can I take more of this unearthly sadness?
where is my breaking point, how much is enough?
My body full of tension, my mind in disarray,
Voices still unheard, the words spoken were gruff.
...
#anxiety
#depression
#lies
#LifeStruggles
#deception
321 reads
2 Comments
Random Rambling - Diary entry
I don’t understand this world. It seems so strange to me. Everything is never as it should be. Wars, famine, economic collapse, diseases and corruption. Why? Why is it so difficult to just live and let live? Why is it so difficult to accept death when your time has come? You can’t live forever, and I don’t understand the people who’d like to. Why? You’ll only see everything wither away and die around you. Just do what you have to do in this life and die like a decent human being when your old, senile and useless. Or is that wrong for me to say? Did I hurt someone’s feelings? Was I to harsh? ...
#earth
#utopia
#environment
#humankind
#inequality
292 reads
0 Comments
Together we are
When will we learn?
When will we see?
That separate we are nothing,
And we will never be.
One as equals two,
One body two spirits.
Two motives so vile,
Two to reach its limits.
No ways to combine,
No ways to disconnect.
Forever we are together,
A shape we can’t perfect.
Distorted and incomplete,
But whole all the same.
Not together nor apart,
sharing an eternity of shame.
A companion in our misfortune,
An accomplice to our misery.
We can’t live without,
We can’t set us...
When will we see?
That separate we are nothing,
And we will never be.
One as equals two,
One body two spirits.
Two motives so vile,
Two to reach its limits.
No ways to combine,
No ways to disconnect.
Forever we are together,
A shape we can’t perfect.
Distorted and incomplete,
But whole all the same.
Not together nor apart,
sharing an eternity of shame.
A companion in our misfortune,
An accomplice to our misery.
We can’t live without,
We can’t set us...
#depression
#identity
#shame
#MentalHealth
#confusion
221 reads
0 Comments
Bad diary day
Whenever I think about the future. I get really sad, depressed and dejected. When I think about the past. I feel regret, melancholy and suicidal. Everything I did wrong, everything that can go wrong. Is it worth all the pain? Is it? I can’t see a way out. There is no way out. Why would there be? This is just torture. My own personal purgatory until I finally take my last breath and decend into hell. Where the tormenting will continue eternaly. I’m not special, I’m not worthy of luck or pleasure. I don’t deserve it. Why would I deserve it. I did nothing to earn a great life. I did nothing to...
#depression
#loneliness
#dark
#death
#MentalHealth
311 reads
5 Comments
Not my own
Sometimes I just want to lose control. Just let go. Giving in to my inner demons. Do whatever you want, need or feel. No restrictions, no boundaries no consequences. Wouldn’t that be nice Wouldn’t that be liberating? It would, but it would be dangerous, it would be deadly. Atleast for me. I don’t expect anyone to understand where I’m going with this. But believe me when I tell you guys that even my own desires are twisted and distorted. Can they even be called desires? I don’t know. But they are not my own, they are not mine. I can’t trust them. I can’t trust me. My thoughts have been...
#anxiety
#depression
#identity
#MentalHealth
#confusion
505 reads
4 Comments
He is ….
He is merciless,
As he is cruel.
Defiant to the end,
Don’t mistake him for a fool.
He will cut and scar,
Markings show on the skin.
He will burn and char,
The fire comes from within.
No way to escape his torture,
No place to hide from the pain.
He will show you my horrors,
I welcome you to my domain.
As he is cruel.
Defiant to the end,
Don’t mistake him for a fool.
He will cut and scar,
Markings show on the skin.
He will burn and char,
The fire comes from within.
No way to escape his torture,
No place to hide from the pain.
He will show you my horrors,
I welcome you to my domain.
#dark
#SelfHarm
#suicide #MentalHealth
#suicide #MentalHealth
528 reads
0 Comments
Never lived
I can’t live like this, why am I stil trying.
I must quit while I still can, and start dying.
Finish for the first time in my life, the goal.
Losing the last thing I can lose, my soul.
In the everlasting moment of pain, I reside.
Never looking back on the past, where I died.
I must quit while I still can, and start dying.
Finish for the first time in my life, the goal.
Losing the last thing I can lose, my soul.
In the everlasting moment of pain, I reside.
Never looking back on the past, where I died.
#depression
#death
#suicide #hell
#suicide #hell
709 reads
0 Comments
My Asylum 3
I wake up in my luxurious room,
I’m still a bit dazed and tired when I hear a knock on the door.
Sire, your breakfast is ready,
Shall I escort you to the dining floor?
Happily I oblige and ask, what’s on the menu?
Same as always my liege, bread and juice.
That’s great news, thank you for the meal.
Can I be of further use?
No warden, you have been most helpful.
Your highness, don’t forget your pill.
Ah yes, the substance for a bearable life,
Let’s see, which personality will this one kill.
I’m still a bit dazed and tired when I hear a knock on the door.
Sire, your breakfast is ready,
Shall I escort you to the dining floor?
Happily I oblige and ask, what’s on the menu?
Same as always my liege, bread and juice.
That’s great news, thank you for the meal.
Can I be of further use?
No warden, you have been most helpful.
Your highness, don’t forget your pill.
Ah yes, the substance for a bearable life,
Let’s see, which personality will this one kill.
#MentalHealth
#sleep
#nightmares
259 reads
0 Comments
His obedient Marionette
Ever fleeting moments of disarray,
They come and they go.
When will the next show begin?
The answer I do not know.
Cursed to forever dance to his music,
The melody for his obedient marionette.
I move to the beats and drums,
Until the music stops and the sun sets.
I move to my masters will,
I comply to his every whim.
I can’t detach the strings,
I’m forever bound to him.
I still try to cut the cords that bind me,
Those made from tears and hate.
Remove these awful knots of anger,
Release me from this...
They come and they go.
When will the next show begin?
The answer I do not know.
Cursed to forever dance to his music,
The melody for his obedient marionette.
I move to the beats and drums,
Until the music stops and the sun sets.
I move to my masters will,
I comply to his every whim.
I can’t detach the strings,
I’m forever bound to him.
I still try to cut the cords that bind me,
Those made from tears and hate.
Remove these awful knots of anger,
Release me from this...
#depression
#MentalHealth
#frustration #manipulation
#frustration #manipulation
268 reads
2 Comments
Winges for the Damned
Stress and anxiety filling my head.
Messed up thoughts controlling my mood.
Everything seems to fall apart,
Confusions and angst ensued.
Trying to recap and restart,
Hoping I was just imagining things.
But it was all real and I’m guilty,
Sentence me to death and give me wings.
Let me fly to a better place,
Leave me on the wings of serenity.
Carry me to a bliss filled plane,
Where I can finally find my identity.
Messed up thoughts controlling my mood.
Everything seems to fall apart,
Confusions and angst ensued.
Trying to recap and restart,
Hoping I was just imagining things.
But it was all real and I’m guilty,
Sentence me to death and give me wings.
Let me fly to a better place,
Leave me on the wings of serenity.
Carry me to a bliss filled plane,
Where I can finally find my identity.
#anxiety
#depression
#suicide
#confusion
#FeelingTrapped
646 reads
2 Comments
Disconnected
Floating in a space without time.
Disconnected from the world around.
Blurred by visions of what’s to come,
A place barren and deprived of sound.
Sometimes it’s only for a moment,
Sometimes it feels like ages have past.
I can’t seem to remember.
How long am I able to last?
Disconnected from the world around.
Blurred by visions of what’s to come,
A place barren and deprived of sound.
Sometimes it’s only for a moment,
Sometimes it feels like ages have past.
I can’t seem to remember.
How long am I able to last?
#depression
#MentalHealth
#FeelingLost
955 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)