Submissions by PooSmoothie69
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I'm a very spiritual man.
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
31st Jul 2020 1:45pm
31st Jul 2020 1:45pm
Your Dad's a simp
I was out having a drink with a friend,
when they told me my Dad's a simp.
"I don't mean to offend..." they said,
"He's a bit of a fuckin' gimp".
I wasn't sure how to take the news,
so i carried on with my drink.
A little bit of me was too embarrassed to ask,
'What the hell is a fucking simp?'
"He sells Avon to your Nan" she continued,
"and only buys pasties with his pennies".
I shook my head confused by her outburst,
"he lives off Ben & Jerry's..."
She continued to demean my Dad,
As though I...
when they told me my Dad's a simp.
"I don't mean to offend..." they said,
"He's a bit of a fuckin' gimp".
I wasn't sure how to take the news,
so i carried on with my drink.
A little bit of me was too embarrassed to ask,
'What the hell is a fucking simp?'
"He sells Avon to your Nan" she continued,
"and only buys pasties with his pennies".
I shook my head confused by her outburst,
"he lives off Ben & Jerry's..."
She continued to demean my Dad,
As though I...
#funny
292 reads
1 Comment
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
31st Jul 2020 1:06pm
31st Jul 2020 1:06pm
Knee-hobbling hobgoblin & The woes of Dr. Sphincter
Arthur peered out into the garden,
his days had lately been slow.
The recent passing of Mrs Sphincter,
had dealt an emotional blow.
The roses and marigolds were blooming,
the garden this time of year looked so pretty.
Spending his time out there reading his books,
had helped him to feel far less shitty.
Frail and slow as he'd become,
he remained a staunch and avid reader.
He opened the door once more to his haven,
to see a tiny bird perched on the feeder.
Arthur smiled and said 'Hello!',
in a tone...
his days had lately been slow.
The recent passing of Mrs Sphincter,
had dealt an emotional blow.
The roses and marigolds were blooming,
the garden this time of year looked so pretty.
Spending his time out there reading his books,
had helped him to feel far less shitty.
Frail and slow as he'd become,
he remained a staunch and avid reader.
He opened the door once more to his haven,
to see a tiny bird perched on the feeder.
Arthur smiled and said 'Hello!',
in a tone...
#funny
#mystery
274 reads
0 Comments
OBSERVATIONAL POEM
Published
27th Feb 2020 8:30am
27th Feb 2020 8:30am
I've had a little accident
I've had a little accident,
It's rather quite shameful.
I had chicken madras for dinner last night,
this accident is quite painful.
My undergarments are ruined,
Though I try to remain very stolid.
They've been acting like a filter;
separating liquid from solid.
I'm trying not to move too much,
for fear I'll reveal this dirty crime.
But to my shame I'm impressed,
the smell is truly divine.
I'm not saying I'm proud,
I'm not saying I'm ashamed.
But I'd be extremely dissapointed,
If on somebody else...
It's rather quite shameful.
I had chicken madras for dinner last night,
this accident is quite painful.
My undergarments are ruined,
Though I try to remain very stolid.
They've been acting like a filter;
separating liquid from solid.
I'm trying not to move too much,
for fear I'll reveal this dirty crime.
But to my shame I'm impressed,
the smell is truly divine.
I'm not saying I'm proud,
I'm not saying I'm ashamed.
But I'd be extremely dissapointed,
If on somebody else...
#Christian
401 reads
3 Comments
SPIRITUAL POEM
Published
18th Jun 2019 10:04am
18th Jun 2019 10:04am
Fatal Attraction (To Gnomes)
#funny
377 reads
1 Comment
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
22nd Mar 2019 11:43am
22nd Mar 2019 11:43am
Give it a sniff
Come on mate,
Don’t be a bore,
Take a deep inhale,
and ask for more.
There’s a little bit of Bovril,
most of it’s just raw egg,
A slight twinge of death,
Some if it’s rotting veg’
I’m not asking you to like it,
I’m just asking you to have a wiff,
come on mate,
just give it a f*****g sniff.
Don’t be a bore,
Take a deep inhale,
and ask for more.
There’s a little bit of Bovril,
most of it’s just raw egg,
A slight twinge of death,
Some if it’s rotting veg’
I’m not asking you to like it,
I’m just asking you to have a wiff,
come on mate,
just give it a f*****g sniff.
#parody
#funny
368 reads
1 Comment
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
12th Mar 2019 9:21am
12th Mar 2019 9:21am
Floating Faeces
Floating Faeces
It seems to get dark,
So quickly in space,
Things seem to go missing
Without a trace.
Relieving yourself,
Can be somewhat of a task.
When there’s no gravity,
The senses are unmasked.
Rock-hard little pebbles,
floating in my face.
They float into your mouth,
leaving behind a nasty taste.
It makes you appreciate gravity,
When you can’t be hygienic,
You go for a sh*t – it floats in your face,
The view here is not quite scenic.
Wrestling my own faeces, ...
It seems to get dark,
So quickly in space,
Things seem to go missing
Without a trace.
Relieving yourself,
Can be somewhat of a task.
When there’s no gravity,
The senses are unmasked.
Rock-hard little pebbles,
floating in my face.
They float into your mouth,
leaving behind a nasty taste.
It makes you appreciate gravity,
When you can’t be hygienic,
You go for a sh*t – it floats in your face,
The view here is not quite scenic.
Wrestling my own faeces, ...
#funny
368 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
11th Mar 2019 1:20pm
11th Mar 2019 1:20pm
Who sh** the bed?
I woke up early one morning,
in the air there’s a feral smell.
The fright on my face was dawning,
I look down and exclaim ‘F***ing hell!’
Right there beneath my duvet,
I spy a pool of brown.
Softly removing my undergarments,
my face contorts a frown.
The musk of this here faeces,
Is something to behold.
However did it get there?
The story remains untold.
I lifted myself gently,
placing my tutsies on the floor,
when beneath my feet I feel a squelch – I look down – “There’s more!?”
It’s sank into...
in the air there’s a feral smell.
The fright on my face was dawning,
I look down and exclaim ‘F***ing hell!’
Right there beneath my duvet,
I spy a pool of brown.
Softly removing my undergarments,
my face contorts a frown.
The musk of this here faeces,
Is something to behold.
However did it get there?
The story remains untold.
I lifted myself gently,
placing my tutsies on the floor,
when beneath my feet I feel a squelch – I look down – “There’s more!?”
It’s sank into...
#anger
#God
#funny
#despair
#nightmares
438 reads
3 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by PooSmoothie69
