Submissions by Matthias_Crossed (Matthias Lambert)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
SELF POEM
Published
4th Apr 2020 6:53am
4th Apr 2020 6:53am
I am
I never truly understood what people meant by they used music to escape. Well i thought i didn't. I thought "why would I need an escape? and how could someone ever escape through something as simple as sound". I never really remembered actually listening to music until the other night. I put on my headphones and just let the music hit me and as it did, the memories followed. Crashing into me hard and overwhelming me. I will admit i cried for so long.
What I remembered the most was those soft moment between songs. Where the music fades and I fell back into the world around me....
What I remembered the most was those soft moment between songs. Where the music fades and I fell back into the world around me....
#anger
#depression
#myself #suffering
#myself #suffering
277 reads
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SELF POEM
Published
27th May 2019 10:29pm
27th May 2019 10:29pm
Don't call me brave.
Do not call me brave.
I am not brave because I am sick.
I am not brave because I have a disease.
I am not brave.
Brave is soldiers in iraq fighting for us.
Brave is standing at gun point for what you believe in.
It is not me.
Crying in my room for days on end is not brave.
Being unable to actually move doesn't make me brave.
Just because I have a disease does not make me brave.
Those who fight to live are brave.
I do not fight to live.
I do not fight.
I just can't give up.
I physically can't...
I am not brave because I am sick.
I am not brave because I have a disease.
I am not brave.
Brave is soldiers in iraq fighting for us.
Brave is standing at gun point for what you believe in.
It is not me.
Crying in my room for days on end is not brave.
Being unable to actually move doesn't make me brave.
Just because I have a disease does not make me brave.
Those who fight to live are brave.
I do not fight to live.
I do not fight.
I just can't give up.
I physically can't...
#depression
#illness
#SelfWorth
346 reads
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SELF POEM
Published
26th Apr 2019 7:26am
26th Apr 2019 7:26am
Who am I
I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know who I am.
I am starting to see myself but
I don't see a man like I used to.
I don't see a woman either.
I see a lack there of.
I have lost my femininity but
I have not gained masculinity.
My world is turning two directions at
the same time and I
am happily along for the ride.
This lack of what is everything
does not make me any less distinct.
It does not take away from who I am
nor does it ruin me.
This makes me seen.
It makes me...
I don't know who I am.
I am starting to see myself but
I don't see a man like I used to.
I don't see a woman either.
I see a lack there of.
I have lost my femininity but
I have not gained masculinity.
My world is turning two directions at
the same time and I
am happily along for the ride.
This lack of what is everything
does not make me any less distinct.
It does not take away from who I am
nor does it ruin me.
This makes me seen.
It makes me...
#LGBT
#SelfReflection
#SelfDiscovery
440 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
1st Apr 2019 10:00am
1st Apr 2019 10:00am
I am an expert
I can barely feel
the weakness that I
can't endure,
I have almost forgotten
what it is like to move,
I had almost convinced myself
that this is normal,
That this whole situation
might actually be normal.
This is not normal.
My legs being
weak and useless,
Sometimes not even being sure they are there until I look down,
Not knowing when I will
feel them again,
Not knowing if I will at all.
I have become good at it,
At the stilt walk between
crutches ane canes,
A balance between...
the weakness that I
can't endure,
I have almost forgotten
what it is like to move,
I had almost convinced myself
that this is normal,
That this whole situation
might actually be normal.
This is not normal.
My legs being
weak and useless,
Sometimes not even being sure they are there until I look down,
Not knowing when I will
feel them again,
Not knowing if I will at all.
I have become good at it,
At the stilt walk between
crutches ane canes,
A balance between...
#depression
#LifeStruggles
#illness #myself
#illness #myself
369 reads
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SELF POEM
Published
11th Mar 2019 8:51pm
11th Mar 2019 8:51pm
Watch me or I won't
Eatting when no one is around
It's more difficult
I almost prefer when people stare
It gives me a reason,
A need to please,
A desire to show them that I'm better
When no one is around,
I have nothing to prove
I have no reason,
No motivation,
No hunger or craving
I just don't eat
So I don't mind when you watch me eat
I prefer it if you did
It's what I need to get better
I want to be better,
So I need you to stare at me
I need you to watch over me
Watch me eat or I won't
I just won't eat
It's more difficult
I almost prefer when people stare
It gives me a reason,
A need to please,
A desire to show them that I'm better
When no one is around,
I have nothing to prove
I have no reason,
No motivation,
No hunger or craving
I just don't eat
So I don't mind when you watch me eat
I prefer it if you did
It's what I need to get better
I want to be better,
So I need you to stare at me
I need you to watch over me
Watch me eat or I won't
I just won't eat
#depression
#food
#illness #EatingDisorder
#illness #EatingDisorder
418 reads
3 Comments
ANGER POEM
Published
24th Feb 2019 12:05pm
24th Feb 2019 12:05pm
Repents
To say such words
As if you are repenting for your sins.
To tell me again and again.
To never let me forget.
You repeat that phrase,
You are not atoning for your sins,
But for mine.
You are doing all the hail Marie's for me.
You keep this cross hanging over my head like a sword.
I can't forget what I have done,
Not with you around.
I can't atone for what I am
When all you do is remind me.
You repeat that phrase so often it might as well be burned into my skin.
But I am not the sinner here. You are. ...
As if you are repenting for your sins.
To tell me again and again.
To never let me forget.
You repeat that phrase,
You are not atoning for your sins,
But for mine.
You are doing all the hail Marie's for me.
You keep this cross hanging over my head like a sword.
I can't forget what I have done,
Not with you around.
I can't atone for what I am
When all you do is remind me.
You repeat that phrase so often it might as well be burned into my skin.
But I am not the sinner here. You are. ...
#anger
#depression
#hate #morality
#hate #morality
372 reads
3 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
29th Nov 2018 10:54am
29th Nov 2018 10:54am
What he doesn't know won't...
he won't last much longer.
his body is here,
just barely hanging by a thread
but his memory has already left.
his mind is a pile of journals
all of which have had their contents erased.
he is already gone.
he is still alive
but he is not living.
he doesn't know that he is gone yet.
he doesn't know much of anything anymore.
i will miss him when he finally passes
but i have already mourned
because i lost him when he forgot.
his body is here,
just barely hanging by a thread
but his memory has already left.
his mind is a pile of journals
all of which have had their contents erased.
he is already gone.
he is still alive
but he is not living.
he doesn't know that he is gone yet.
he doesn't know much of anything anymore.
i will miss him when he finally passes
but i have already mourned
because i lost him when he forgot.
#grief
#death
#memories #illness
#memories #illness
377 reads
1 Comment
DARK POEM
Published
29th Nov 2018 2:59am
29th Nov 2018 2:59am
That's not me
That isn't me.
That reflection staring at me.
The refined features of a face.
Smooth skin,
high cheek bones,
straight nose,
soft plump lips.
These are not mine.
They never have been and never will be.
This image mocks me,
copying my every move.
it seems like it could be me.
but it's not.
I am me,
my face is unrefined,
the two thick oval scars on my left cheek,
a hard cut jaw line with sucken in cheeks,
the slight crick in my nose,
my thinker bottom lip and its thinner twin,
the scar on the...
That reflection staring at me.
The refined features of a face.
Smooth skin,
high cheek bones,
straight nose,
soft plump lips.
These are not mine.
They never have been and never will be.
This image mocks me,
copying my every move.
it seems like it could be me.
but it's not.
I am me,
my face is unrefined,
the two thick oval scars on my left cheek,
a hard cut jaw line with sucken in cheeks,
the slight crick in my nose,
my thinker bottom lip and its thinner twin,
the scar on the...
#depression
#dreams
#SelfReflection #hurt
#SelfReflection #hurt
375 reads
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SELF POEM
Published
27th Nov 2018 7:26am
27th Nov 2018 7:26am
turning time
If every minute was a day
then I have been laying here for years.
Mimicking the signs of sleep,
lulling myself with my cries.
I grew old in this time and now
I am feeble and grey
but no wiser than I was hours ago.
I can't bring my body to rise
from this inevitable tomb called my bed.
My casket of comfort.
So I am going to lay here.
I am going to lay here until I can't.
Until I am ash.
the only thing to remember me by
is the dried tearstains on my pillow.
all the time they spent trying to move me ...
then I have been laying here for years.
Mimicking the signs of sleep,
lulling myself with my cries.
I grew old in this time and now
I am feeble and grey
but no wiser than I was hours ago.
I can't bring my body to rise
from this inevitable tomb called my bed.
My casket of comfort.
So I am going to lay here.
I am going to lay here until I can't.
Until I am ash.
the only thing to remember me by
is the dried tearstains on my pillow.
all the time they spent trying to move me ...
#depression
#loneliness
#death #memories
#death #memories
378 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
24th Nov 2018 5:39am
24th Nov 2018 5:39am
To blindly fall
If i were to fall,
i would have no trust in someone to catch me.
I take this leap off the edge not into darkness
but into a light.
A light like I have never seen before.
It seeps its way into my very being.
It knows how to guide me back onto the edge after I have jumped.
Even with my eyes sewn shut,
no binds or stitches will blind me
for this light is bright enough to shine through.
I follow it without knowing its intent only to be lead into harm,
into the reach of danger,
into tragedy.
Yet I still follow because it also leads...
i would have no trust in someone to catch me.
I take this leap off the edge not into darkness
but into a light.
A light like I have never seen before.
It seeps its way into my very being.
It knows how to guide me back onto the edge after I have jumped.
Even with my eyes sewn shut,
no binds or stitches will blind me
for this light is bright enough to shine through.
I follow it without knowing its intent only to be lead into harm,
into the reach of danger,
into tragedy.
Yet I still follow because it also leads...
#hope
#faith
#freedom
505 reads
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SELF POEM
Published
24th Nov 2018 5:28am
24th Nov 2018 5:28am
I have no interest
This parasite has taken over.
It controls my very being.
No longer the strong vessel I once was,
yet it still demands more.
more sacrifice,
more pain then I can endure.
I have given it everything.
My food,
My spare time in order to burn off calories that I no longer consume,
My health,
My life.
I have no interest in denying this parasite the things it wants though.
For I would be nowhere without it.
I would not know how to go on.
How am I going on?
I have lost so much weight that my clothes no...
It controls my very being.
No longer the strong vessel I once was,
yet it still demands more.
more sacrifice,
more pain then I can endure.
I have given it everything.
My food,
My spare time in order to burn off calories that I no longer consume,
My health,
My life.
I have no interest in denying this parasite the things it wants though.
For I would be nowhere without it.
I would not know how to go on.
How am I going on?
I have lost so much weight that my clothes no...
#secrets
#death
#EatingDisorder #sacrifice
#EatingDisorder #sacrifice
484 reads
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SONG LYRICS
Published
18th Oct 2018 6:18pm
18th Oct 2018 6:18pm
What a view
Well everyone's got a view
Of what Im supposed to do
Everyone except for you
Except for you
and I don't know
If that's good or bad
But right now I'm pretty glad
Because I need a shoulder
Someone to be a bit mentally older
As I sit here and cry
you don't even bother asking why
Cuz you already know
You already know
But you won't say
And you won't judge
And you won't tell me what I should do
What should I do
I'm so lost right now
Heads spinning around
Like it's on one of those little...
Of what Im supposed to do
Everyone except for you
Except for you
and I don't know
If that's good or bad
But right now I'm pretty glad
Because I need a shoulder
Someone to be a bit mentally older
As I sit here and cry
you don't even bother asking why
Cuz you already know
You already know
But you won't say
And you won't judge
And you won't tell me what I should do
What should I do
I'm so lost right now
Heads spinning around
Like it's on one of those little...
#lyrics
#confusion
#FeelingLost #transgender
#FeelingLost #transgender
474 reads
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DU Poetry : Submissions by Matthias_Crossed (Matthias Lambert)
