Submissions by Lozzamus
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I compare poetry to painting, believing that I lack any drawing/painting skills but believing my imagination and training in writing has enabled me to transfer my love of visual art to the written word
Gazing Afar
He sits on a bench close to a line of cottages
halfway up the winding hill
staring out to sea
waves churning as the sun sets
splashing against rocks
soaking the sand
a lull that reminds him of nursery rhymes
and happier times
tomorrow’s a new day, he thinks
and wipes away a tear
halfway up the winding hill
staring out to sea
waves churning as the sun sets
splashing against rocks
soaking the sand
a lull that reminds him of nursery rhymes
and happier times
tomorrow’s a new day, he thinks
and wipes away a tear
#regret
#loneliness
#nature
388 reads
8 Comments
He Lost It All
The hiker crosses a field
treading along the grass
grass as parched as hay
sunlight pouring down his face
stinging his eyes
Could life have been perfect just six weeks ago?
hope blossoming along with the spring?
evenings full of promise as they’d sat at the picnic table in their garden
eating Mediterranean salad and drinking wine?
The hiker reaches the foot of a stile
and nearly stumbles
the afternoon sun scorching and unforgiving
accusing him
- along with his silent self
treading along the grass
grass as parched as hay
sunlight pouring down his face
stinging his eyes
Could life have been perfect just six weeks ago?
hope blossoming along with the spring?
evenings full of promise as they’d sat at the picnic table in their garden
eating Mediterranean salad and drinking wine?
The hiker reaches the foot of a stile
and nearly stumbles
the afternoon sun scorching and unforgiving
accusing him
- along with his silent self
#regret
#SelfReflection
314 reads
6 Comments
Mid July-Oct 2012 (conclusion)
I never smoked again.
However, as the summer of 2012 slipped into autumn, I faced two new problems: a chronic mouth infection caused by the mouth reacting to the absence of cigarettes, and strong, almost uncontrollable, urges to buy a pack of cigarettes, smoke all the cigarettes in a day, and then quit again in the morning.
The dentist dealt with the first problem by prescribing an antibacterial mouthwash. But only I could deal with the second. Thankfully, I didn’t gave in to temptation, no matter how powerful.
Facebook post 15 Oct 12: had a special lung...
However, as the summer of 2012 slipped into autumn, I faced two new problems: a chronic mouth infection caused by the mouth reacting to the absence of cigarettes, and strong, almost uncontrollable, urges to buy a pack of cigarettes, smoke all the cigarettes in a day, and then quit again in the morning.
The dentist dealt with the first problem by prescribing an antibacterial mouthwash. But only I could deal with the second. Thankfully, I didn’t gave in to temptation, no matter how powerful.
Facebook post 15 Oct 12: had a special lung...
#tobacco
#addiction
#determination
301 reads
4 Comments
Eden Gained And Lost (July 12)
Fylde, Lancashire; tree paved streets resembling a London suburb, but situated by the Irish Sea, not the Thames.
Fylde, Lancashire: a place of memories
Friday 17 August 2012
I arrive after a long train journey that includes a wait at Preston. I think the Government have banned smoking in public places, but I definitely detected cigarette smoke while I waited for my connecting train and I moved away from the source of the smell, keen to avoid triggers.
I step off the train, into a tiny station that has only one rail track. Out in the...
Fylde, Lancashire: a place of memories
Friday 17 August 2012
I arrive after a long train journey that includes a wait at Preston. I think the Government have banned smoking in public places, but I definitely detected cigarette smoke while I waited for my connecting train and I moved away from the source of the smell, keen to avoid triggers.
I step off the train, into a tiny station that has only one rail track. Out in the...
#childhood
#tobacco
#memories
#addiction
#determination
319 reads
4 Comments
Mid July 2012 (part 4)
Thursday Day Four 26/7/12
I feel sick and restless in the evening. Unable to sleep. I live alone in a Studio in North London. There is no partner or wife, no “other half”, although that will change one day, hopefully.
I switch on the radio and inhale furiously on the Nicorette Inhalator, desperate for relief from the cravings. I sleep with the light on and listen to pop music from childhood, caught in a mixture of past, present and future.
Yeah, life’s complex. Life rarely works out as one expects. After I graduated from Dartington College of Arts, I stayed...
I feel sick and restless in the evening. Unable to sleep. I live alone in a Studio in North London. There is no partner or wife, no “other half”, although that will change one day, hopefully.
I switch on the radio and inhale furiously on the Nicorette Inhalator, desperate for relief from the cravings. I sleep with the light on and listen to pop music from childhood, caught in a mixture of past, present and future.
Yeah, life’s complex. Life rarely works out as one expects. After I graduated from Dartington College of Arts, I stayed...
#tobacco
#addiction
#determination
298 reads
4 Comments
Mid July 2012 (part 3)
Day One Monday 23/7/12
I head to the pharmacy to collect the prescriptions for Nicorette. Past experiences with Nicorette didn’t help, but now the Inhalator keeps most of the cravings at bay and the taste seems to have improved since I last used it.
I go to bed about one am, more than twenty-four hours after my last cigarette. When I wake in the morning, I notice a difference: my Morning Cough has gone.
***
Day Two Tuesday 24/7
Emotional day with sudden cravings to smoke.
I receive an email. An invitation to spend a...
I head to the pharmacy to collect the prescriptions for Nicorette. Past experiences with Nicorette didn’t help, but now the Inhalator keeps most of the cravings at bay and the taste seems to have improved since I last used it.
I go to bed about one am, more than twenty-four hours after my last cigarette. When I wake in the morning, I notice a difference: my Morning Cough has gone.
***
Day Two Tuesday 24/7
Emotional day with sudden cravings to smoke.
I receive an email. An invitation to spend a...
#tobacco
#addiction
#determination
325 reads
6 Comments
Mid July 2012 (part 2)
The Quit Date looms. I smoke continually, determined to enjoy each cigarette without the usual concern and guilt.
The weekend passes. The final night. And then the unexpected happens. A blessing in disguise, perhaps. I choke while smoking my last cigarette - if such a thing’s possible. The smoke causes me to gag and cough, and I panic and think I’m about to faint from lack of circulation. Shaken by the experience, I finish the cigarette and go to bed.
The end of an era. The smoking era.
****
I wake with the usual Morning Cough.
I’m...
The weekend passes. The final night. And then the unexpected happens. A blessing in disguise, perhaps. I choke while smoking my last cigarette - if such a thing’s possible. The smoke causes me to gag and cough, and I panic and think I’m about to faint from lack of circulation. Shaken by the experience, I finish the cigarette and go to bed.
The end of an era. The smoking era.
****
I wake with the usual Morning Cough.
I’m...
#tobacco
#addiction
#determination
299 reads
9 Comments
Mid July 2012 (part 1)
I arrive at the appointment about a week later. The nurse carries out a number of tests.
Bad news. One of tests reveals that I have the lung function of a man thirty years older than I actually am.
‘I’m not very good at blowing out quickly,’ I say, hoping the nurse will repeat the test.
She smiles. A sort of knowing-smile. ‘We did the test three times.’
‘What happens now then?’
‘Stop smoking.’
‘I’ve tried before. It’s too difficult.’
That same knowing-smile. ‘Make an appointment for the Quit Smoking Clinic.’ ...
Bad news. One of tests reveals that I have the lung function of a man thirty years older than I actually am.
‘I’m not very good at blowing out quickly,’ I say, hoping the nurse will repeat the test.
She smiles. A sort of knowing-smile. ‘We did the test three times.’
‘What happens now then?’
‘Stop smoking.’
‘I’ve tried before. It’s too difficult.’
That same knowing-smile. ‘Make an appointment for the Quit Smoking Clinic.’ ...
#tobacco
#addiction
#determination
264 reads
7 Comments
A Perfect Day In Dorset
a single decker bus back to the bay,
along the coastal route,
past tea places and an empty fair marquee,
country lanes flanked by ancient gnarled tree trunks,
sun-parched fields, lone cottages standing back from a road,
signposts for a farm appear,
cows in a field, gaze ahead with fixed expressions.
a tall fence,
an orchard,
approaching the coast,
a line of cliffs stretching east,
giftshops selling postcard racks,
Buckets and Spades,
holidaymakers ambling towards the seawall by the promenade,
children...
along the coastal route,
past tea places and an empty fair marquee,
country lanes flanked by ancient gnarled tree trunks,
sun-parched fields, lone cottages standing back from a road,
signposts for a farm appear,
cows in a field, gaze ahead with fixed expressions.
a tall fence,
an orchard,
approaching the coast,
a line of cliffs stretching east,
giftshops selling postcard racks,
Buckets and Spades,
holidaymakers ambling towards the seawall by the promenade,
children...
#childhood
#nature
265 reads
7 Comments
A Concert
The theatre was unexpectedly busy, about a third full. I sat in the centre where I had a good view of the flat stage. On Friday, I too would perform on stage and I felt excited about it suddenly.
The lights dimmed. The conversation died.
Applause rippled through the old auditorium and a man and woman stepped out of a green room, onto the stage. A well-known violinist and piano accompanist, although I'd never heard of them. They played Beethoven's Spring Sonata. Lovely, like a gentle stream with a few waterfalls.
I thought of Philippa all...
The lights dimmed. The conversation died.
Applause rippled through the old auditorium and a man and woman stepped out of a green room, onto the stage. A well-known violinist and piano accompanist, although I'd never heard of them. They played Beethoven's Spring Sonata. Lovely, like a gentle stream with a few waterfalls.
I thought of Philippa all...
#love
#music
#mystery
523 reads
12 Comments
Homeless, The First Time (Part 5)
Not again, I thought. But I had only two choices. Check in at reception and fill out the necessary forms, or sleep rough.
I arrived from Wales on the Saturday afternoon. By the Monday, I was drinking a bottle of cinzano on the Cathedral Green, not really caring who saw. The sweet intoxicating liquid offered some relief, though only temporarily, and when I woke in the morning, I knew I couldn't go on in this way.
Having no idea of how to rejoin normal society, I prayed quietly, pleading with God for a place of my own. Later, I spoke to a Baptist minister whom I'd known...
I arrived from Wales on the Saturday afternoon. By the Monday, I was drinking a bottle of cinzano on the Cathedral Green, not really caring who saw. The sweet intoxicating liquid offered some relief, though only temporarily, and when I woke in the morning, I knew I couldn't go on in this way.
Having no idea of how to rejoin normal society, I prayed quietly, pleading with God for a place of my own. Later, I spoke to a Baptist minister whom I'd known...
#religion
#music
#alcohol #homelessness
#alcohol #homelessness
473 reads
12 Comments
Homeless, The First Time (Part 4)
The short time I spent in Llanfairfechan allowed me to gain a measure of stability and to contemplate on the direction my life had taken: the musical aspirations that I still felt passionate about, the aimless drifting through Devon and London, the solitary drinking, the fears and anxieties.
After staying in dormitories, sleeping on kitchen floors and sharing a room with international students, I finally got to wake up in a normal bed on my first morning in Wales. In the corner of the room stood the piano that had assisted me through most of my teen years, looking well and...
After staying in dormitories, sleeping on kitchen floors and sharing a room with international students, I finally got to wake up in a normal bed on my first morning in Wales. In the corner of the room stood the piano that had assisted me through most of my teen years, looking well and...
#alcohol
#homelessness
#memories #PTSD
#memories #PTSD
353 reads
6 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Lozzamus