Submissions by JustinedeLange (Justine)

Where do we go once we die?

Not when our bodies finally give up on us after years of our fleshy prisons slowly decaying.

Not when our minds dip in and out of consciousness, going vacant at times, extending a second longer each time.

What happens to us when we die while we are still living and breathing and in our prime?

What happens when the spark inside of us goes out, the soul that slowly slips, and then one day you wake up and ask: ‘Oh my God, what happened to me?’.

I think we experience two forms of death in this life. A physical...

I never really got up off that bathroom floor.

Physically; I did.

I uncovered my ears, stood up, unlocked the door, and let him in.

Moved past him and out into the room, escaped down the stairs. Packed all my shit and finally left.

But I never really left that place.

My spirit stayed there. It died there. It's stuck in time there.

I move between people, and places and bathrooms; I look into mirrors.

But I don't really know what I'm looking at anymore. I don't recognise her; this woman in the mirror.
...

How strong is your faith today?

Have any lustful thoughts led you astray?

Have any heavenly bodies made you get on your knees and pray?

Have you blamed your yearning for freedom on the devil trying to lead you down a path of spiritual decay?

Have you been suppressing all of your desires, because the church told you it’s not the holy way?

Have you bitten your tongue far too many times because mommy dearest ‘didn’t raise you that way’?

Did you remember when you woke up this morning to put your mask on straight away?
...

I only love things that are bad for me, but self-sabotage isn’t the only thing I’ve inherited from my daddy

I have his sharp tongue, his cold eyes, his stoic expression when he’s upset with somebody

I can make you feel worthless when you disappoint me; like you’re better off dead than being around me

You’d wish that we’d never crossed paths - you’d wish that instead, you chose to walk right past

I can make you feel like a God, or I can devour your soul and rip your self-worth apart

Tear your sense of self to shreds like your existence...

I do not feel sadness, I do not feel despair.

I just do not feel.

I do not feel angry, or anxious. I just do not feel.

I do not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I do not feel like eating. I do not feel like brushing my teeth. I do not feel like going to work; I do not feel like interacting with people.

I do not feel tired; I do not feel like sleeping. I do not feel like I am a human being that is capable of feeling emotion.

I simply just do not feel.

Anything.

Then, at random, I just feel.
...