Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
"Light the flowers of the earth like incense and come dance with me in a field of fire" - Johnny Ox
Timeless
They all say that I spoil you; and that I shouldn’t give in to your every whim and desire; but who are they to know.
I want you to have everything that I never did, a happy childhood where imagination herself can run wild, and a safe space so comforting that it begins to feel like home.
I never got those things, my sweet girl; but I will be damned if you don’t. You’re too young to understand right now,
But one day when you’re older, you will look back and I hope that you will be grateful for all of the things I made sure you had; and all of the things you are getting to...
I want you to have everything that I never did, a happy childhood where imagination herself can run wild, and a safe space so comforting that it begins to feel like home.
I never got those things, my sweet girl; but I will be damned if you don’t. You’re too young to understand right now,
But one day when you’re older, you will look back and I hope that you will be grateful for all of the things I made sure you had; and all of the things you are getting to...
#sister
#children
#daughter
292 reads
5 Comments
Folgers coffee scented sundays
I remember you, as a kid, and how you and I would belt out Rod Stewart songs; but what I remember the most of you,
Is the smell. The smell of Folgers coffee in the mornings, and how it always put a smile on your face.
I remember that you would call me sue, and how warm your hugs were, and how rare they were to come by.
I remember peaceful weeks with you, and how you taught me how to make an entire thanksgiving dinner, even if it was only for the three people eating it.
I remember you called me an old soul the night I made that dinner, after the sun himself...
Is the smell. The smell of Folgers coffee in the mornings, and how it always put a smile on your face.
I remember that you would call me sue, and how warm your hugs were, and how rare they were to come by.
I remember peaceful weeks with you, and how you taught me how to make an entire thanksgiving dinner, even if it was only for the three people eating it.
I remember you called me an old soul the night I made that dinner, after the sun himself...
#grief
#death
250 reads
3 Comments
Untold Feminism
When I am walking down the street, In front of men,
I smile, even if I do not feel like it; but I don’t smile too much, because perhaps my smile was too flirtatious, and the jury will cry out slut, and temptress.
When I go on dates, I let everyone know where I am,
In case he mistakes the cries of no coming from my mouth as consent, or if I say the wrong thing and I become another statistic in a world full of statistics
The cries of womanhood came early, even when mother nature herself began to pour from in between my legs,
I was a woman.
Even when...
I smile, even if I do not feel like it; but I don’t smile too much, because perhaps my smile was too flirtatious, and the jury will cry out slut, and temptress.
When I go on dates, I let everyone know where I am,
In case he mistakes the cries of no coming from my mouth as consent, or if I say the wrong thing and I become another statistic in a world full of statistics
The cries of womanhood came early, even when mother nature herself began to pour from in between my legs,
I was a woman.
Even when...
#women
#feminism
239 reads
1 Comment
Lessons from an unloved body and a mad woman
I wake up in the morning sometimes to the sound of my own breathing, and I become envious and enveloped in a thick coat of hatred and love for myself each day.
It is so hard; trying to love everything about yourself, even the things society has told you to hate.
Lesson one;
The more I starve myself, the more the pit of hunger inside of my body begins to grow; the more animalistic I become,
It does not matter to me; as long as I am beautiful.
The loving comes afterwards, when salted almonds become flavorless and toast and apple juice become the craved. ...
It is so hard; trying to love everything about yourself, even the things society has told you to hate.
Lesson one;
The more I starve myself, the more the pit of hunger inside of my body begins to grow; the more animalistic I become,
It does not matter to me; as long as I am beautiful.
The loving comes afterwards, when salted almonds become flavorless and toast and apple juice become the craved. ...
#depression
#EatingDisorder
449 reads
2 Comments
Sinew
Sometimes, i think that all I will ever be is empty, chasing the full feeling I have been yearning for my whole life.
That I will only ever be seen as the body and the bones that are holding me up, sinew and flesh be damned.
That I will never feel complete if I am not full and whole.
Flesh, bones, lungs and lips; these are some of my favorite parts of myself; because my flesh can come alive at night sometimes, when the house is still and quiet, and the moon has come out to play.
My bones because they’ve held me up my entire life, even though all I have done for...
That I will only ever be seen as the body and the bones that are holding me up, sinew and flesh be damned.
That I will never feel complete if I am not full and whole.
Flesh, bones, lungs and lips; these are some of my favorite parts of myself; because my flesh can come alive at night sometimes, when the house is still and quiet, and the moon has come out to play.
My bones because they’ve held me up my entire life, even though all I have done for...
#identity
287 reads
0 Comments
The Requiem of Suzanne
I sat in the shower this morning, with my head against the wall as I breathed in the steam, and all I could feel was nothing. And all I wanted to feel was everything.
Sometimes when I walk too fast I catch glimpses of you
In the back of my mind, staying hidden like you are prisoner to my brain, doomed to spend eternity inside of a grieving mind.
I cleaned your house last week, and I could feel you inside of the air; the stillness and the quiet.
As if you weren’t inside of that brown cardboard box,
Your essence shoved into such a small vessel.
I re read...
Sometimes when I walk too fast I catch glimpses of you
In the back of my mind, staying hidden like you are prisoner to my brain, doomed to spend eternity inside of a grieving mind.
I cleaned your house last week, and I could feel you inside of the air; the stillness and the quiet.
As if you weren’t inside of that brown cardboard box,
Your essence shoved into such a small vessel.
I re read...
#grief
#death
#hurt
218 reads
0 Comments
Brown Box
You died a few weeks ago, and yesterday you came home; except you aren't you, not anymore.
They brought you home in a brown cardboard box as if they could have shoved all of the light and warmth you brought us all into this minuscule vessel.
I think about it sometimes, how when I come to your house, you are there waiting for me on the kitchen counter as if you had never left us in the first place.
I sat in bed last night, staring at the ceiling; pondering how a person I have loved all of my life could just exist in silence like the way you are right now.
Your...
They brought you home in a brown cardboard box as if they could have shoved all of the light and warmth you brought us all into this minuscule vessel.
I think about it sometimes, how when I come to your house, you are there waiting for me on the kitchen counter as if you had never left us in the first place.
I sat in bed last night, staring at the ceiling; pondering how a person I have loved all of my life could just exist in silence like the way you are right now.
Your...
#grief
#death
228 reads
2 Comments
Stolen things
The day you left I cried out to the sky and threw away all of my toys; because I was no longer a child. At least not yours.
The day you told me you weren't coming back home I yelled at god and cursed him,
because mothers aren't supposed to leave their daughters behind alone and unloved.
And for some reason mine did.
On my twentieth birthday I sobbed on the shower floor for an hour because I realized this was my first birthday in six years that my mom and little sister would not be sleeping under the same roof as me.
And when you finally showed up the sobs in the...
The day you told me you weren't coming back home I yelled at god and cursed him,
because mothers aren't supposed to leave their daughters behind alone and unloved.
And for some reason mine did.
On my twentieth birthday I sobbed on the shower floor for an hour because I realized this was my first birthday in six years that my mom and little sister would not be sleeping under the same roof as me.
And when you finally showed up the sobs in the...
#anger
#hurt
278 reads
0 Comments
To S, my greatest accomplishment
No one ever gave me a hand book to motherhood, especially raising a seventeen year old.
I know I mess up, and I cry too much; but I am making this up as I go.
I know that her being gone hurts, and god; it hurts so much.
But you and I are in this together.
I know that I am not your mom, that I am not the one who helped you pick out prom dresses and took you to get starbucks; but I am the one who sits in your bed with you at night sometimes until you fall asleep,
I am the one who makes sure you take your meds.
I am the one who is still here, taking care of...
I know I mess up, and I cry too much; but I am making this up as I go.
I know that her being gone hurts, and god; it hurts so much.
But you and I are in this together.
I know that I am not your mom, that I am not the one who helped you pick out prom dresses and took you to get starbucks; but I am the one who sits in your bed with you at night sometimes until you fall asleep,
I am the one who makes sure you take your meds.
I am the one who is still here, taking care of...
#motherhood
248 reads
1 Comment
Ghosts
I sit in this house, with this fake family, and it is exhausting.
I never thought coming home to a quiet house would make me cry; but it is all I ever do anymore.
There is no light, no music, and no laughter here; only ghosts.
Ghosts of the family that lived here, and ghosts of the emotions that followed them.
Talking to my mother feels like white hot iron being spooned down my esophagus, because I never knew I could miss someone so much; someone so close and yet so far.
She posts about being freed on facebook, and sometimes I wonder if she is speaking that she...
I never thought coming home to a quiet house would make me cry; but it is all I ever do anymore.
There is no light, no music, and no laughter here; only ghosts.
Ghosts of the family that lived here, and ghosts of the emotions that followed them.
Talking to my mother feels like white hot iron being spooned down my esophagus, because I never knew I could miss someone so much; someone so close and yet so far.
She posts about being freed on facebook, and sometimes I wonder if she is speaking that she...
#separation
387 reads
2 Comments
Chained
I long for the days and nights when I will not feel like this, like I have to be both;
Mother and Child, Sister and Mentor.
There is a tired so deep inside of me that it has spread its way down to my bones
and it is eating its way through my skin, demanding to be seen and heard.
You have left me here, bound and chained inside of this fucking house,
Forced to take care of a child who is not mine; but is at the same time.
I wish and ache for the days when I will not feel the weight of the world sitting upon my chest, when I will not feel it resting on top of...
Mother and Child, Sister and Mentor.
There is a tired so deep inside of me that it has spread its way down to my bones
and it is eating its way through my skin, demanding to be seen and heard.
You have left me here, bound and chained inside of this fucking house,
Forced to take care of a child who is not mine; but is at the same time.
I wish and ache for the days when I will not feel the weight of the world sitting upon my chest, when I will not feel it resting on top of...
#rejection
#separation
472 reads
2 Comments
Burning Ceilings
I like to stare at the ceiling when I am sad; because it is better than waiting for a slumber that will never come to me.
I think I began to fantasize about being dead when I turned thirteen, and I didn't even realize that it wasn't healthy until it was too late and the thoughts had already buried themselves under my skin.
The darkness welcomes me when I want it, and I crave it because it is so familiar.
I like to stare at the ceiling when the bad thoughts come, because at least then it keeps me from falling into the nothingness that follows me everywhere I go.
I...
I think I began to fantasize about being dead when I turned thirteen, and I didn't even realize that it wasn't healthy until it was too late and the thoughts had already buried themselves under my skin.
The darkness welcomes me when I want it, and I crave it because it is so familiar.
I like to stare at the ceiling when the bad thoughts come, because at least then it keeps me from falling into the nothingness that follows me everywhere I go.
I...
#depression
529 reads
1 Comment
DU Poetry : Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)