Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
"Light the flowers of the earth like incense and come dance with me in a field of fire" - Johnny Ox
Her bruised bones
What is it like, to be in love with yourself.
When you take showers, do you catch glimpses of yourself,
And smile, as if under a spell?
What is it like, to be inside a body, and find enough strength to call it home.
I'm standing in the bathroom, my hands to my side.
And I'm staring back at myself, and all i can do is cry.
I wish I knew what it was like to love my body, to cherish it like the gods intended.
I wish I didn't keep a scale in my bedroom, or wipe remnants of my food off my sleeve,
I wish I had a body that I wanted, a...
When you take showers, do you catch glimpses of yourself,
And smile, as if under a spell?
What is it like, to be inside a body, and find enough strength to call it home.
I'm standing in the bathroom, my hands to my side.
And I'm staring back at myself, and all i can do is cry.
I wish I knew what it was like to love my body, to cherish it like the gods intended.
I wish I didn't keep a scale in my bedroom, or wipe remnants of my food off my sleeve,
I wish I had a body that I wanted, a...
#EatingDisorder
655 reads
6 Comments
All the wrong places
I was in love once, and i thought we'd never end.
But then one day, you told me it was all a ploy;
That you didn't love me, and never wanted to see me again.
I begged and pleaded, because you were my one true lover boy.
I started to look for love in all the wrong places,
In bars and in warehouses, on corners and alleyways.
Anything I could do to see your face.
I knew it wasn't healthy, what I was doing.
But you were gone, and that made it okay.
I looked for love in all the wrong places,
In men's checkbooks,...
But then one day, you told me it was all a ploy;
That you didn't love me, and never wanted to see me again.
I begged and pleaded, because you were my one true lover boy.
I started to look for love in all the wrong places,
In bars and in warehouses, on corners and alleyways.
Anything I could do to see your face.
I knew it wasn't healthy, what I was doing.
But you were gone, and that made it okay.
I looked for love in all the wrong places,
In men's checkbooks,...
#sadness
385 reads
1 Comment
Wildfire
I, am a wildfire,
Burning from inside out.
I, am soot, falling to the earth.
I didn't know where to put pain,
And then it all made sense.
I had to stop blaming myself,
For his mistake.
I was his daughter, I am his child.
But for some reason,
He picked his emotions over me.
When I needed him the most,
He was gone.
When I was dying inside;
He was too busy,
Screaming at my mom.
He is all the things i hate about myself,
I am scarred forever, with heinous thoughts in my mind,
Yearning for...
Burning from inside out.
I, am soot, falling to the earth.
I didn't know where to put pain,
And then it all made sense.
I had to stop blaming myself,
For his mistake.
I was his daughter, I am his child.
But for some reason,
He picked his emotions over me.
When I needed him the most,
He was gone.
When I was dying inside;
He was too busy,
Screaming at my mom.
He is all the things i hate about myself,
I am scarred forever, with heinous thoughts in my mind,
Yearning for...
#forgiveness
427 reads
2 Comments
To my children who will never be
To my babies; My children who will never be,
I love you with all my soul, and my being.
I'm sorry that mommy couldn't have you.
To my children who will never be,
I know you will meet my grandmother someplace far from here,
And I hope it's beautiful.
I would do anything to have you,
To hold you in my arms.
But the god's had other plans for us,
So for now, I want you to know,
That your mommy loves you with all her being, and all her soul.
With all my love,
Your mommy that you never got to know.
I love you with all my soul, and my being.
I'm sorry that mommy couldn't have you.
To my children who will never be,
I know you will meet my grandmother someplace far from here,
And I hope it's beautiful.
I would do anything to have you,
To hold you in my arms.
But the god's had other plans for us,
So for now, I want you to know,
That your mommy loves you with all her being, and all her soul.
With all my love,
Your mommy that you never got to know.
#love
423 reads
1 Comment
Scars on my soul
I wasn't always this sad, This cold and grey.
I used to be happy, and bright.
But then I met a boy, and he took it all away.
I used to smile, and stand outside, arms wide open.
I'd wait for the sun to rise, for her to envelop me into her warmth.
And then afterwards ; Everything got so cold.
I don't go outside anymore, And I don't reach for the suns warmth,
I lie awake at night, pleading with my burning eyes.
I wasn't always this way, I used to be whole.
But then he broke me, And he scarred my soul.
I used to be happy, and bright.
But then I met a boy, and he took it all away.
I used to smile, and stand outside, arms wide open.
I'd wait for the sun to rise, for her to envelop me into her warmth.
And then afterwards ; Everything got so cold.
I don't go outside anymore, And I don't reach for the suns warmth,
I lie awake at night, pleading with my burning eyes.
I wasn't always this way, I used to be whole.
But then he broke me, And he scarred my soul.
#separation
438 reads
2 Comments
Please, Leave me be.
A month ago i'd tell you I was happy,
But now I'm not so sure; I've got the scars on my soul to prove it.
These days i lay in my bed, and I cry.
The doctors tell me it's only a speed bump, and to exercise.
But I don't want to exercise, or make arts and crafts,
I want to be fucking sad.
I want to cry, and lay on my bathroom floor.
I want to smoke a cigarette, and enjoy it.
God damn it I deserve to enjoy it.
A year ago I'd tell you i was in love,
But I'm not in love,
Hell, not even with myself.
The doctors tell...
But now I'm not so sure; I've got the scars on my soul to prove it.
These days i lay in my bed, and I cry.
The doctors tell me it's only a speed bump, and to exercise.
But I don't want to exercise, or make arts and crafts,
I want to be fucking sad.
I want to cry, and lay on my bathroom floor.
I want to smoke a cigarette, and enjoy it.
God damn it I deserve to enjoy it.
A year ago I'd tell you i was in love,
But I'm not in love,
Hell, not even with myself.
The doctors tell...
#MentalHealth
396 reads
2 Comments
Grandma
Grandma, you were not supposed to die.
Please, why did you have to go.
It wasn't supposed to be this way, you and me.
You were supposed to see me graduate, watch me at my wedding.
But now you're gone, and i'm just as dead.
I feel you everywhere, but you are not here.
I thought you'd live forever.
Life wasn't supposed to be this way, you weren't supposed to be gone,
And I wish you were here to make me feel better.
I remember the little things about you,
Like butterscotch candy coated tongues and scratchy soft wool sweaters.
...
Please, why did you have to go.
It wasn't supposed to be this way, you and me.
You were supposed to see me graduate, watch me at my wedding.
But now you're gone, and i'm just as dead.
I feel you everywhere, but you are not here.
I thought you'd live forever.
Life wasn't supposed to be this way, you weren't supposed to be gone,
And I wish you were here to make me feel better.
I remember the little things about you,
Like butterscotch candy coated tongues and scratchy soft wool sweaters.
...
#love
549 reads
3 Comments
AR 15
I am in high school,
Every day, I wonder.
If today will be my last.
It could be a gunshot, or a bomb.
Lockdowns are normalized now,
That everyone just moves along.
We are not safe anymore,
We are safe no where.
Not the store, not even Church.
Babies are dying, and no one cares
Everyone is dying, no one cares.
On Valentine's day,
My high school had a gun scare.
I thought I was going to die,
So I packed my things,
I thought of ways to save others.
I made plans.
I thought of my...
Every day, I wonder.
If today will be my last.
It could be a gunshot, or a bomb.
Lockdowns are normalized now,
That everyone just moves along.
We are not safe anymore,
We are safe no where.
Not the store, not even Church.
Babies are dying, and no one cares
Everyone is dying, no one cares.
On Valentine's day,
My high school had a gun scare.
I thought I was going to die,
So I packed my things,
I thought of ways to save others.
I made plans.
I thought of my...
#GunControl
435 reads
3 Comments
Caged
Things are much different now,
I no longer speak.
My soul, a cavern.
My body, a sarcophagus.
My tongue, prison bars.
My teeth, a boneyard.
My mouth, a jail cell.
I'm stuck here, in this body.
I will never leave, nor love.
What a sad life it will be.
I'm trapped here forever,
I will never leave, nor live.
This must be what it feels like,
To die.
I no longer speak.
My soul, a cavern.
My body, a sarcophagus.
My tongue, prison bars.
My teeth, a boneyard.
My mouth, a jail cell.
I'm stuck here, in this body.
I will never leave, nor love.
What a sad life it will be.
I'm trapped here forever,
I will never leave, nor live.
This must be what it feels like,
To die.
#sadness
#dark
435 reads
3 Comments
To my future self.
You don't know it yet,
But you will break; hopelessly.
When he tells you he loves you,
You say it back.
To my future self,
Image will never matter,
And don't take the high road;
The latter.
When he kisses you,
Take it in, breathe him in.
Because it'll be the last of him.
I wish I could tell you it gets better,
But that would be a lie.
To my future self,
Please get help.
Those feelings aren't normal,
And maybe it could've been seen sooner.
To my future self,
Don't fall under...
But you will break; hopelessly.
When he tells you he loves you,
You say it back.
To my future self,
Image will never matter,
And don't take the high road;
The latter.
When he kisses you,
Take it in, breathe him in.
Because it'll be the last of him.
I wish I could tell you it gets better,
But that would be a lie.
To my future self,
Please get help.
Those feelings aren't normal,
And maybe it could've been seen sooner.
To my future self,
Don't fall under...
#SelfWorth
436 reads
2 Comments
Diagnosed
I am only seventeen,
And they're telling me these things
I will get sicker,
And I will get better.
I cry into my cereal,
Because a week ago,
I talked about the weather.
But now, I'm talking about plans,
They say there is no cure,
But at least it's not cancer.
As if, that will make me feel okay.
I cry for my could've been children,
And my could've been house.
And my could've been family.
My life has only begun, I am 17.
And already, something is wrong.
My babies will never happen,
I...
And they're telling me these things
I will get sicker,
And I will get better.
I cry into my cereal,
Because a week ago,
I talked about the weather.
But now, I'm talking about plans,
They say there is no cure,
But at least it's not cancer.
As if, that will make me feel okay.
I cry for my could've been children,
And my could've been house.
And my could've been family.
My life has only begun, I am 17.
And already, something is wrong.
My babies will never happen,
I...
#acceptance
503 reads
1 Comment
Living with it.
I've recently been diagnosed,
They all tell me I'll be fine.
They say it can't kill me.
But in a small way; it already has.
They tell me I can't have children,
And if I do I'll have to bust my ass.
First it's the looks,
They range from sympathy, worry.
I want to tear off my skin.
I am not this fragile being,
I will not break.
Then my hair falls out.
I will break.
They assure me it is not cancer,
But instead a disease within.
Today was my forth haircut,
Instead, I wear a bright wig.
...
They all tell me I'll be fine.
They say it can't kill me.
But in a small way; it already has.
They tell me I can't have children,
And if I do I'll have to bust my ass.
First it's the looks,
They range from sympathy, worry.
I want to tear off my skin.
I am not this fragile being,
I will not break.
Then my hair falls out.
I will break.
They assure me it is not cancer,
But instead a disease within.
Today was my forth haircut,
Instead, I wear a bright wig.
...
#acceptance
409 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)