Submissions by David_Macleod (14397816)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
Hi!
OFFENCE
I am an equal opportunities offender
I do not really care who I am offending
If your offended by what I write
Rest assured it was deliberate on my part
I like to shine a light on cuntage
Expose assholes to the truth about themselves
It’s important however that you read carefully
It’s vital that you read wearing your thinking head
Be clear through critical thought who it is I want to offend
Trust me I do indeed want to offend the right people
It is not my intention to offend innocent bystanders
I hope in my writings my intentions are...
I do not really care who I am offending
If your offended by what I write
Rest assured it was deliberate on my part
I like to shine a light on cuntage
Expose assholes to the truth about themselves
It’s important however that you read carefully
It’s vital that you read wearing your thinking head
Be clear through critical thought who it is I want to offend
Trust me I do indeed want to offend the right people
It is not my intention to offend innocent bystanders
I hope in my writings my intentions are...
643 reads
9 Comments
A Man’s Man - - - - - - - - - - ( written for Gender hate Comp)
I walk with a swagger
I drink lots of lager
I’m a big fan of soccer
I fart like a docker
I’m a cigar inhaler
I curse like a sailor
I’m right into porn
I’ve always got the horn
I always act toughly
I treat women roughly
I like a nice pair of tits
I admire my own shits
I read tabloid papers
I sympathise with rapers
I’m a rock playing bassist
I’m proud to be a racist
I hate fuckin queers
I like reducing them to tears
I am always on the hunt
I enjoy just being a cunt
I’m the king of my castle
But I’m really just...
I drink lots of lager
I’m a big fan of soccer
I fart like a docker
I’m a cigar inhaler
I curse like a sailor
I’m right into porn
I’ve always got the horn
I always act toughly
I treat women roughly
I like a nice pair of tits
I admire my own shits
I read tabloid papers
I sympathise with rapers
I’m a rock playing bassist
I’m proud to be a racist
I hate fuckin queers
I like reducing them to tears
I am always on the hunt
I enjoy just being a cunt
I’m the king of my castle
But I’m really just...
645 reads
6 Comments
Illoominatty (written as fatherly advice to my son David)
That’s fine!
Carry on!
You keep obeying ‘The Man’
Not me!
You go right ahead!
Just don’t come crying to me
When the lizardman is eating your dinner,
Shagging your wife,
Playing with your cats,
Walking your dog and
Wearing your fucking slippers
Carry on!
You keep obeying ‘The Man’
Not me!
You go right ahead!
Just don’t come crying to me
When the lizardman is eating your dinner,
Shagging your wife,
Playing with your cats,
Walking your dog and
Wearing your fucking slippers
738 reads
8 Comments
Big Game
I am strange, in that I like to pick my own heros
Rather than have them thrust upon me by peer pressure
It never ceases to amaze me who society deems brave
Recently my time line has been inundated with glossy
Images of ‘big Game Hunters’ standing tall and proud
Over the bloody carcases of animal they’ve assassinated
I am not impressed at all, any fool can pull a trigger
If ‘Big Game Cowards’ want to impress and be my hero
Then they must fight their chosen animal weapons free
I want to see you;
Box an angry kangaroo
Head butt a charging...
Rather than have them thrust upon me by peer pressure
It never ceases to amaze me who society deems brave
Recently my time line has been inundated with glossy
Images of ‘big Game Hunters’ standing tall and proud
Over the bloody carcases of animal they’ve assassinated
I am not impressed at all, any fool can pull a trigger
If ‘Big Game Cowards’ want to impress and be my hero
Then they must fight their chosen animal weapons free
I want to see you;
Box an angry kangaroo
Head butt a charging...
809 reads
10 Comments
Night Bees ( well I find them erotic! ) :-)
Where do bees go at night?
What takes their fancy?
Where goes their flight?
I know, I know, I know
That was the question
That was on your mind too
Where do bees go at night?
To be perfectly honest
Like you, I don’t really know
The answer to such questions
But Hi’ve got a few suggestions
Some go to a theatre run by pigs
Where monkeys swing from lighting rigs
There’s just one play the pigs can do
About their ‘Hamlet’ there is much ado
Bees only come to see one thing
The only line which has a sting
They stand and cheer...
What takes their fancy?
Where goes their flight?
I know, I know, I know
That was the question
That was on your mind too
Where do bees go at night?
To be perfectly honest
Like you, I don’t really know
The answer to such questions
But Hi’ve got a few suggestions
Some go to a theatre run by pigs
Where monkeys swing from lighting rigs
There’s just one play the pigs can do
About their ‘Hamlet’ there is much ado
Bees only come to see one thing
The only line which has a sting
They stand and cheer...
688 reads
7 Comments
Showing Off
Look at you and your expensive lightweight cycle
Your name on your shirt I can see it’s St.Michael
In your mind you’re cycling the ‘Tour De France’
In your aliens head helmet and your Lycra pants
It’s not just your balls that are out on show
It’s your pride and your over inflated ego
Look at you jogging down the street
Your feet slap the road two like slabs of meat
In your mind you’re in a race with a medal chance
In your designer top and spandex pants
It’s not just your camel toe you’ve got on show
It’s your pride and your over inflated ego...
Your name on your shirt I can see it’s St.Michael
In your mind you’re cycling the ‘Tour De France’
In your aliens head helmet and your Lycra pants
It’s not just your balls that are out on show
It’s your pride and your over inflated ego
Look at you jogging down the street
Your feet slap the road two like slabs of meat
In your mind you’re in a race with a medal chance
In your designer top and spandex pants
It’s not just your camel toe you’ve got on show
It’s your pride and your over inflated ego...
674 reads
7 Comments
Just Because
Just because you say your clever
Doesn’t make it so
The arguments that you deliver
Suggest to me you’re slow
Pretending to have intellect
Doesn’t prove a thing
Anyone can act a part
Anyone can sing
Just because you love your self
Doesn’t make it right
You’re ego should be on the shelf
It may well be you’re shite
Acting like you own the place
Doesn’t prove a thing
Anyone can be an arse
Microwaves can ding
Just because you claim your hard
Doesn’t scare us all
If I chose to punch you
You would surely fall...
Doesn’t make it so
The arguments that you deliver
Suggest to me you’re slow
Pretending to have intellect
Doesn’t prove a thing
Anyone can act a part
Anyone can sing
Just because you love your self
Doesn’t make it right
You’re ego should be on the shelf
It may well be you’re shite
Acting like you own the place
Doesn’t prove a thing
Anyone can be an arse
Microwaves can ding
Just because you claim your hard
Doesn’t scare us all
If I chose to punch you
You would surely fall...
979 reads
13 Comments
Shine
I am the most professional of killers
I slaughter with glee come rain or shine
You had the kind of eyes that shine
It’s why I killed you and removed them
You said “stick it where the sun don’t shine”
I carefully sharpened it and just did what you asked
The song in my head said let love shine
I axed through your chest splitting your heart – nothing shined
I watched the movie “The Shinning” nothing shone
I would have easily killed all three and shone like a star
I put broken mirror in your eye sockets and wounds
You shine...
I slaughter with glee come rain or shine
You had the kind of eyes that shine
It’s why I killed you and removed them
You said “stick it where the sun don’t shine”
I carefully sharpened it and just did what you asked
The song in my head said let love shine
I axed through your chest splitting your heart – nothing shined
I watched the movie “The Shinning” nothing shone
I would have easily killed all three and shone like a star
I put broken mirror in your eye sockets and wounds
You shine...
629 reads
6 Comments
Unrelated Incidents
Don’t talk to me like I’m a child
Don’t tell me that I’m acting wild
You may not like, but please don’t judge
I enjoy my work, so don’t begrudge
Its not your place to stomp your feet
Or try to drive from my back seat
The killings that I carry out
Are not for you to think about
You’re just a voice inside my head
The voice of one already dead
You’re only my significant other
You’ll never have replaced my beloved mother
Don’t tell me that I’m acting wild
You may not like, but please don’t judge
I enjoy my work, so don’t begrudge
Its not your place to stomp your feet
Or try to drive from my back seat
The killings that I carry out
Are not for you to think about
You’re just a voice inside my head
The voice of one already dead
You’re only my significant other
You’ll never have replaced my beloved mother
782 reads
8 Comments
Solemn Voices
A traffic jam of black shiny limousines
Effortlessly floats past somber faced sheep
They stand to attention like dead-pan marines
Apparently trying not to weep
The chapel unlocks it’s heavenly gates
They stampede in quietly to get a good seat
It’s such a disgrace, a faux pas, to turn up late
In a tarty frock whilst wearing pink shoes on your feet
The throng sings psalms and rejoices
Despite this most morbid of days
You’d think it be just solemn voices
A time for reflection an prayers
But we celebrate despite the life of the dead
Laugh and...
Effortlessly floats past somber faced sheep
They stand to attention like dead-pan marines
Apparently trying not to weep
The chapel unlocks it’s heavenly gates
They stampede in quietly to get a good seat
It’s such a disgrace, a faux pas, to turn up late
In a tarty frock whilst wearing pink shoes on your feet
The throng sings psalms and rejoices
Despite this most morbid of days
You’d think it be just solemn voices
A time for reflection an prayers
But we celebrate despite the life of the dead
Laugh and...
596 reads
4 Comments
True Love
True love takes commitment, hard work,
selflessness, compromise and sometimes surrender
True love will lead you to put yourself second
And will lead your lover to do the same
Without these elements true love cannot be true
These elements are your testable evidence
If these things are not show towards you
Then you have to question their level of love
Regardless of your willingness to give all
Sometimes love is only a one way street
That kind of love is fleeting and will not last,
It will not last because it cannot last without these
Without...
selflessness, compromise and sometimes surrender
True love will lead you to put yourself second
And will lead your lover to do the same
Without these elements true love cannot be true
These elements are your testable evidence
If these things are not show towards you
Then you have to question their level of love
Regardless of your willingness to give all
Sometimes love is only a one way street
That kind of love is fleeting and will not last,
It will not last because it cannot last without these
Without...
1137 reads
10 Comments
I Never Know
Is it late or is it early
Is it straight or is it curly
Maybe short, maybe long
Maybe weak, maybe strong
Could be cold, could be hot
Could escape, could get caught
Am I smart or am I thick
Am I well or am I sick
Is it funny, is it sad
Is it good, is it bad
Maybe written, maybe said
Maybe live, maybe dead
Could be timid, could be bold
Could be young, could be old
Am I stuck, am I mobile
Am I alert or am I senile
Am I a dog, am I a bitch
I’m afraid these days I never know which
Is it straight or is it curly
Maybe short, maybe long
Maybe weak, maybe strong
Could be cold, could be hot
Could escape, could get caught
Am I smart or am I thick
Am I well or am I sick
Is it funny, is it sad
Is it good, is it bad
Maybe written, maybe said
Maybe live, maybe dead
Could be timid, could be bold
Could be young, could be old
Am I stuck, am I mobile
Am I alert or am I senile
Am I a dog, am I a bitch
I’m afraid these days I never know which
658 reads
2 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by David_Macleod (14397816)