Submissions by David_Macleod (14397816)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
Hi!
Picture Perfect
740 reads
3 Comments
I Didn’t
I looked
Down
At you
Then I looked
Down
At the river
I mused
For a
moment
I know
How I could
Stop you
From drowning
I just
needed
To take
My boot off
The back
of your
Neck
Couldn’t think
Of a reason
So I
Didnt
Down
At you
Then I looked
Down
At the river
I mused
For a
moment
I know
How I could
Stop you
From drowning
I just
needed
To take
My boot off
The back
of your
Neck
Couldn’t think
Of a reason
So I
Didnt
697 reads
4 Comments
He Said, She Said
The only thing that was soft and wet
With you was your fuckin melon head
The only thing that was hard about you
Was the cheesy crust in between your toes
I’ve just realised what it is I liked about you
It’s absolutely fuck all
I liked you like I liked toothache, after two
Minutes you’re just a fuckin pain
I don’t know what I saw in you, I just wish
It had been your hands and feet
You used to refer to your penis as a dick
I agree – just like a cock only much smaller
Fucking you was just like throwing a sausage
Up...
With you was your fuckin melon head
The only thing that was hard about you
Was the cheesy crust in between your toes
I’ve just realised what it is I liked about you
It’s absolutely fuck all
I liked you like I liked toothache, after two
Minutes you’re just a fuckin pain
I don’t know what I saw in you, I just wish
It had been your hands and feet
You used to refer to your penis as a dick
I agree – just like a cock only much smaller
Fucking you was just like throwing a sausage
Up...
630 reads
2 Comments
SAW
The worst movie
I ever saw
Was ‘Saw’
Then they made
‘Saw II’
I saw that too
I saw ‘Saw III’
I saw ‘Saw IV’
I never saw
‘Saw V’
I hope they
Don’t make
A ‘Saw VI’
otherwise I may
have to jigsaw
the writers
hands off
I ever saw
Was ‘Saw’
Then they made
‘Saw II’
I saw that too
I saw ‘Saw III’
I saw ‘Saw IV’
I never saw
‘Saw V’
I hope they
Don’t make
A ‘Saw VI’
otherwise I may
have to jigsaw
the writers
hands off
603 reads
0 Comments
Marriaged
Marriage is just a punishment
for being agreeable
for saying “I do”
My wife and I
Were happy for
At least 18 years
And then I met her
If the truth be told
Our wedding day
Was just like my
Mother’s funeral
Getting to travel
In the back seat
Of a posh car
I realised quickly
That I got married for
the wrong reasons
Getting married for sex
Is a bit like buying
A 40 room mansion
For the extra toilet
When I think about it
We should have signed
A suicide pact instead
of a prenuptial agreement
at...
for being agreeable
for saying “I do”
My wife and I
Were happy for
At least 18 years
And then I met her
If the truth be told
Our wedding day
Was just like my
Mother’s funeral
Getting to travel
In the back seat
Of a posh car
I realised quickly
That I got married for
the wrong reasons
Getting married for sex
Is a bit like buying
A 40 room mansion
For the extra toilet
When I think about it
We should have signed
A suicide pact instead
of a prenuptial agreement
at...
522 reads
0 Comments
KickAss
You can always hear me coming
As I trundle down the street
A more efficient human being
I’ve got wheels instead of feet
Confident on corners
Downhill speeding up
A common manly problem
In managing to get up
I’m aware of all your laughter
And your chat behind my back
The centre of your attention
The point of all your crack
Mostly though I let it slide
My thoughts on higher things
It’s just the odd remark
That really, really stings
Apart from that I manage
There’s not a lot impairs
But like a fucking Dalek...
As I trundle down the street
A more efficient human being
I’ve got wheels instead of feet
Confident on corners
Downhill speeding up
A common manly problem
In managing to get up
I’m aware of all your laughter
And your chat behind my back
The centre of your attention
The point of all your crack
Mostly though I let it slide
My thoughts on higher things
It’s just the odd remark
That really, really stings
Apart from that I manage
There’s not a lot impairs
But like a fucking Dalek...
614 reads
6 Comments
D.I.Y
My cellar is all kitted out
A real man's den or cave
Wooden benches made for work
Wooden trays, power tools
All laid out perfectly neat
Everything has its place
All except you
Metal hooks for hanging tools
Vices cleaned and oiled
There’s an odour of pine
And caustic paint stripper
A heady perfume of man musk
The aromas from everything
Are simply perfect
Apart from the aroma of you
Metal trays of other stuff
Recently sanitised surgical
Operating theatre equipment
For that special D.I.Y
I occasionally like to do
My...
A real man's den or cave
Wooden benches made for work
Wooden trays, power tools
All laid out perfectly neat
Everything has its place
All except you
Metal hooks for hanging tools
Vices cleaned and oiled
There’s an odour of pine
And caustic paint stripper
A heady perfume of man musk
The aromas from everything
Are simply perfect
Apart from the aroma of you
Metal trays of other stuff
Recently sanitised surgical
Operating theatre equipment
For that special D.I.Y
I occasionally like to do
My...
536 reads
2 Comments
Pain
Give me something to kill the pain
Don’t kill my will
Or drive me insane
The drugs that you’ve fed me
Affect my brain
Sense and sensibility
Are hard to regain
As I punch my own head
To release the strain
My anarchic screaming
Is hard to retain
Inside my head
Trying to contain
The evil mood of an
Angry John Wayne
So please give me something
To kill the pain
Or allow me to sever
My jugular vein
Don’t kill my will
Or drive me insane
The drugs that you’ve fed me
Affect my brain
Sense and sensibility
Are hard to regain
As I punch my own head
To release the strain
My anarchic screaming
Is hard to retain
Inside my head
Trying to contain
The evil mood of an
Angry John Wayne
So please give me something
To kill the pain
Or allow me to sever
My jugular vein
618 reads
7 Comments
Still
There was Ollie, Albert, James and Bill
Stuart, Frankie, Lewis and Phil
There was Charlie, Bruce and Neville
And Pedro De Mendoza from Seville
There was jack that lived at the foot of the hill
And his bi-sexual girlfriend called Jill
There was Leon, Fredric, Barry and Virgil
And that posh bloke related to Churchill
There was the guy who thought he was king of the hill
There was Alex, John, Nathaniel and Will
There was the guy that looked like Damon Hill
And nervous Peter who couldn’t stand still
All these affairs you did for the thrill
And...
Stuart, Frankie, Lewis and Phil
There was Charlie, Bruce and Neville
And Pedro De Mendoza from Seville
There was jack that lived at the foot of the hill
And his bi-sexual girlfriend called Jill
There was Leon, Fredric, Barry and Virgil
And that posh bloke related to Churchill
There was the guy who thought he was king of the hill
There was Alex, John, Nathaniel and Will
There was the guy that looked like Damon Hill
And nervous Peter who couldn’t stand still
All these affairs you did for the thrill
And...
558 reads
5 Comments
Please Don’t Hurt Me Anymore
What rhymes with PLEASE?
You do these things to me with ease
Kick me like a dog with fleas
Have me begging on my knees
Then enforcing my striptease
Fearing pain if I displease
I don’t want any part of all this sleaze
Your infection, my disease
What rhymes with DON’T
Not much, but you promised that you won’t
What rhymes with HURT?
The way you treat me like dirt
There’s the insults you just blurt
There’s the way that you pervert
The dominant role that you assert
And the force that you exert
What rhymes with ME?...
You do these things to me with ease
Kick me like a dog with fleas
Have me begging on my knees
Then enforcing my striptease
Fearing pain if I displease
I don’t want any part of all this sleaze
Your infection, my disease
What rhymes with DON’T
Not much, but you promised that you won’t
What rhymes with HURT?
The way you treat me like dirt
There’s the insults you just blurt
There’s the way that you pervert
The dominant role that you assert
And the force that you exert
What rhymes with ME?...
681 reads
4 Comments
Please Hurt Me I Like It
1054 reads
9 Comments
My Concrete Garden
For me the grass would
Always be greener
On the other side
As I retire to sit
In the autumn sunshine
Enjoying a cigarette
And a milky coffee
In the back yard
And it is a yard
No grass to speak off
No rolling lawn
It’s been replaced
By concrete slabs
And red brick paths
Clothes line poles
Stand erect like
Sentry guards on patrol
Wheelie bins stores
That look like
Small cottages
Despite the season
There is some greenery
As weeds still
Squeeze and push
There way in between
The concrete cracks...
Always be greener
On the other side
As I retire to sit
In the autumn sunshine
Enjoying a cigarette
And a milky coffee
In the back yard
And it is a yard
No grass to speak off
No rolling lawn
It’s been replaced
By concrete slabs
And red brick paths
Clothes line poles
Stand erect like
Sentry guards on patrol
Wheelie bins stores
That look like
Small cottages
Despite the season
There is some greenery
As weeds still
Squeeze and push
There way in between
The concrete cracks...
520 reads
1 Comment
DU Poetry : Submissions by David_Macleod (14397816)