Zazzles, I thought your poem was pretty damn good before the edits, the main area that I think needed work was the structure, because the structure tells the reader how the poem was intended to be read. The best way to work out where you need to start a new line is to simply read your poem out loud whilst you're editing, and start a new line each time you pause. I personally think the opening words "dear heart" is a bit cliche, and it needs a longer pause that a line break offers the reader, but instead I suggest "my dear heart" becomes the title, so that you don't steal the impact of your last stanza.
I think the advice you've already received from the ladies stalking his thread, regarding the repetition of the various "we know... you know" is on the money, but I wonder if that's just the way you roll when you speak your mind. I think the poet's voice, the way we speak everyday, our slang and habitual words and phrases is what makes a poet unique.
I challenge you to record a spoken word reading your original poem and the edited version, and then work out what bits sound more true to yourself.
Anyway, I thought I'd give you another perspective on your poem, with a few word and structure changes for you to consider.
Good stuff, Zazzles and lady editors.
my dear heart
don't be afraid of mud pies
taxes or indifference
tattered dreams and misguided emotions
are a frame of mind
nothing really matters
except for the weight of each moment
tomorrow is all part of an illusion
inside this vast universe we call home
is the only sure thing
there are no rules
sinking into the road
of everlasting confusion
we need no audience for validation
what we know and what we feel
needs no answers
no second guesses
is in our DNA
Hello Case, I absolutely agree structures is the core, and, I accept your challenge ha ha!!!🙋🏻
I will do it this Monday... I liked the effort you put forth in your edit suggestions. However let's wait and see how it's perceived as me the writer speaks it In it's oringal form, and as requested in edited form too (as it reads now)