Thank you!!! Absolutely fabulous!!!! I couldn't agree more!! Thank you and if you wouldn't mind looking at more of my work and giving me your recommendations!!! Truly appreciated
I hope you don't my critiquing your works here; the forum poses more functionality that poem comments does not allow. https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/212550-loving-father/ Loving Father?
Why do you torment me?
is my misery your muse
do you obsess to feel my heart beat ceased
Can you in the very least
taste my name
in the spews of
venom you speak?
My very existence curdles your blood.
fantasized and attempted to steal life from me
Ironically, it's my deepest regret your efforts were futile
The monster in my closet isn't a
trick of my mind
mind trick or
mind fuck or ......
will never disappear,
woven in the fabric of my being alt
Never to disappear, it is woven in the fabric of who I am
Your punctuation is not consistent. End lines with or without periods, not a mix of both.
The rhyming tossed into Stanza 1 is meant to aid the flow of what are for the most part a batch of generic questions that have launched a thousand if not a million emotional poems. Make them yours by making them unique. Make them memorable with perhaps a little jingle like I provided.
Don't be afraid to use one word lines to maximize a word's emotional impact.