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The "Critique Me" Thread

poet Anonymous

I am new to this site but have been sharing many posts on Facebook poetry pages, one thing I hate is critiques of only a few words, I love it when on the rare occasion I get a detailed review of WHY they hit the "like" button, positive or negative, I show appreciation to both side, so I am hoping I can get some feelings and reactions, I normally do not post this type of erotica, but I find it a good tester for pages and sites claiming all types and erotic poems are encouraged, so please, if I can get some eyes AND words, I would love it. Thank You.
since I am new, it won't let me post a link, even to the post on THIS site, so I'm just going to put my user name, I only have one poem, so should be easy to find,
jhewitt3476
or look up: The Feel of Heaven, A Taste of Sin

poet Anonymous

JVP may not be completely misunderstanding the description here, the wording is organized in a way that could propagate misunderstanding, but much of the replies and posts seem more interested in judging and criticizing the person/s rather than the request do not help that misunderstanding, I like the idea of this page, but some of the posters seem to be not so interested in the purpose of this page.

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LavishLover
Strange Creature
Australia
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Joined 28th Oct 2016
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Trying to find your poem. New to this site.

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JohnnyBlaze
Fire of Insight
United States
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jhewitt3476 said:I am new to this site but have been sharing many posts on Facebook poetry pages, one thing I hate is critiques of only a few words, I love it when on the rare occasion I get a detailed review of WHY they hit the "like" button, positive or negative, I show appreciation to both side, so I am hoping I can get some feelings and reactions, I normally do not post this type of erotica, but I find it a good tester for pages and sites claiming all types and erotic poems are encouraged, so please, if I can get some eyes AND words, I would love it. Thank You.
since I am new, it won't let me post a link, even to the post on THIS site, so I'm just going to put my user name, I only have one poem, so should be easy to find,
jhewitt3476
or look up: The Feel of Heaven, A Taste of Sin


jhewitt3476 said:I would like to tell everyone who took the time to read this work, Thank You.
I would also appreciate feedback, positive or negative, I appreciate and respect all kinds, and again...
Thank You :)


jhewitt3476 said:
So you tell me I have little poetisism and more story telling, having read your works I no poetisism nor finesse in any fashion, a person can easily include what the rest of the world would consider brusk and/or vulgar and still be poetic, but it seem more like you are just throwing them in for the sake of shock value just to keep the reader interested just enough to continue what they would've not bothered to finish otherwise.


You wanted critique on the two poems you had submitted thus far. I gave you critique on the two poems you had submitted thus far.

What I said regarding one poem does not apply to the other and vice versa. I did not make broad judgments about your work in general. What I did focus on were aspects of each poem that were either problematic or could use improvement.  

Not only did you not read all of Johnny Blaze's poetry, you also did not read the poetry I have posted under 4 other accounts.  Total, I have over 380 pomes submitted here. Your hasty criticism of a minute fraction of my work in retaliation doesn't bother me in the slightest. It just illustrates that your ego is fragile and you aren't mature enough to have your work thoroughly examined.

I don't give a fuck who you are, how long you have been writing and or if you are a published author. If I see something problematic in a poem, I point it out. If I see room for improvement, I point it out. If I don't do either, then it's probably because the poem is as perfect as a poem can get in my personal opinion.

I am one of the few people here who gives Honest Critique on poems tagged desirous of Honest Critique or for writers who specifically ask for it . Reviewing the work of others takes time away from my day, but it ultimately helps me become a better writer in the process.

Do yourself a favor and choose Friendly Feedback on each of your poems from now on until you are absolutely ready to handle more than a simple pat on the head and a hardy "Good job, Buddy."

p.s.

jhewitt3476 said:
I like honest critiques, but NO ONE likes grammer/spelling Nazis


Come, that I may touch your skin tease to me
alluring baby smooth feeling of seduction


But readers do like to read sentences / statements that make actual sense.

Are they all then closet "grammer" Nazis?

LOL

Good Lord ............

poet
OxyMoronicMe
G.L. Emz
Dangerous Mind
Philippines
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Should I be flattered that Johnny Blaze haven't grace any of mine? Just kidding.

And to point out, if I may butt in?
Critical appreciation for me includes spelling, usage and subject verb agreement mistakes - just because you post your poetry to be heard - clarity and the real meaning of what you say depends on how you say it correctly. Because words can easily change meaning by adding or removing  a word or words, an adjective becomes adverb, present becomes the future or past for that matter. Personally, I always check the honest critique box, because it's my mistakes that I would want to be pointed out to me and rhe reasons. Otherwise, i'd just checked the friendly comment.

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MaryWalker
Thought Provoker
United States
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OxyMoronicMe said:Should I be flattered that Johnny Blaze haven't grace any of mine? Just kidding.

And to point out, if I may butt in?
Critical appreciation for me includes spelling, usage and subject verb agreement mistakes - just because you post your poetry to be heard - clarity and the real meaning of what you say depends on how you say it correctly. Because words can easily change meaning by adding or removing  a word or words, an adjective becomes adverb, present becomes the future or past for that matter. Personally, I always check the honest critique box, because it's my mistakes that I would want to be pointed out to me and rhe reasons. Otherwise, i'd just checked the friendly comment.


I know a handful of writers, including myself, who are happy to have simple typos pointed out - because we all want our poems to be read the way we meant them to be read.

And you are welcome to insert your butt anywhere in here.

poet
RevolutionAL
Alistair Plint
Fire of Insight
South Africa
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What I don't understand...
This site was built by a geni
that beautiful blue haired geni
gave you three wishes.

If you don't want one of the wishes
Cool choose one of the other two
Like really.

Don't want errors pointed out or help
in terms of growing and building poetry
Then don't fucking ask for it.

This thing of going to a bakery
asking for chocolate cake
then complaining because you
want strawberry is well stupid!
Really stupid!

[period]

P.S. Mary when you mentioned Oxy's butt. I wanted to award you a trophy. Alas not a competitive thread.

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OxyMoronicMe
G.L. Emz
Dangerous Mind
Philippines
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I would take that as a compliment
But I wont cash in on that too often.
My precious butt (what little of it remains) is antique and fragile (grinning toothless here)

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sirBoring
Thought Provoker
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JohnnyBlaze
Fire of Insight
United States
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sirBoring said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/254221-your-fingers-of-icebreaker/

You have 6 stanzas.

The poem is in Stanzas 4 thru 6.

It could survive without Stanzas 1 thru 3.

In fact, the imagry of the 1st half contradicts with the action of the 2nd half.  

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sirBoring
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The poem could've survived without the first 3 stanzas: that's very true. A lot of the action, conflict, and plot is in the latter stanzas. And I don't like writing extra words, if they don't add anything significant to the piece.

my poem was intended to describe various natural events and features of icy places, but I knew doing solely those intentions would probably be boring, so I added some action; yet that addition wasn't really planned out.


There does seem to be a contradiction between the former stanzas and the latter stanzas. I don't like writing a poem that's too contradicting, because then the reader can't understand what's going on.

I wanted to create an interaction between the woman and nature, to show how she directly behaves towards it; but I could've probably done so in a less antagonizing or hostile matter, I suppose.

Thanks for the honest review, JohnnyBlaze. if you want me to critique one of your pieces, then let me know.

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sirBoring
Thought Provoker
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JohnnyBlaze
Fire of Insight
United States
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sirBoring said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/254397-your-colorful-command/

Not much I would consider changing.

You could experiment with "her" instead of "your"and see if it inspires any further revision with some of the tense. For example, "presides" could be "presiding".

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RevolutionAL
Alistair Plint
Fire of Insight
South Africa
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JohnnyBlaze said:

Not much I would consider changing.

You could experiment with "her" instead of "your"and see if it inspires any further revision with some of the tense. For example, "presides" could be "presiding".


That repetitive line is cool... But it moved around quite a bit. Is that a form thing?
I definately felt it wanted to close the last stanza, especially as it opened the first?




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sirBoring
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JohnnyBlaze said:
Not much I would consider changing.

You could experiment with "her" instead of "your"and see if it inspires any further revision with some of the tense. For example, "presides" could be "presiding".


sometimes I do write without second-person narrative. in fact, the rough draft of my next poem is without it. but my default is usually second-person narrative because it gives a certain personal atmosphere and attention to the reader. In general, I haven't seen much benefits from omitting second-person narrative; because I haven't wrote or read poems for enough years to notice yet.

having one verb tense does seem quite monotonous. perhaps I could've added a few different verb tenses to make it more interesting. though I'd have to be careful to not do so in a confusing way.


RevolutionAL said:
That repetitive line is cool... But it moved around quite a bit. Is that a form thing?
I definately felt it wanted to close the last stanza, especially as it opened the first?


the form is villanelle. I'm not quite good with it, as I've only done like 3 or 4 of them. it's quite a challenge to write, but I really like it.

if you guys want me to review a poem of yours, let me know. thanks again.

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