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Those Dark Depressive Days

Bluevelvete
Bluevelvete
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 21st July 2020
Forum Posts: 2220

death of a songbird


I dwell upon the bluebird,    
and the need to set it free  
Can you hear the quiet serenade?    
chirping it's whiskey melody  
O' shhh you caroling songster  
deeply buried to be left in silence    
lest the ne'er-do-wells seed violence    
   
I strain to hear the bluebird  
unknown in love, just cheap salvation    
devotional thrive by five and dime    
the kind you can buy for $2.99  
along with sweet candied revelation  
satisfying nicotine's craving swirls    
a white flag of surrender, twirls    
stubbing out an unanswered prayer  
generational strength circles a square  
   
I strain to hear the bluebird  
amongst tales of faith and sin  
dried up tearstreaks glisten  
to pressure-bake shame right in  
Ugliness begets real fear    
delicate hope unceremoniously clings,    
so begins a new frontier  
   
The cage has always been right here    
now emptied– so very bare    
hollowed out    
tiny bones, faded feathers    
litter and strewn about;    
death has long come and gone    
a secret pact honored in agreed lifelong    
   
I strain to hear the bluebird  
between the tick of every tock    
incessant counting hours    
fast flying by beating clock  
faint, is the music of rhyme  
dire last breaths still keep the time    
   
Tenderly, dawns a new sweet silence    
the bluebird voices it's last ring    
 tears flow into a peace    
my dear songbird—rest now    
   
no more songs are left to sing.    
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
Written by Bluevelvete
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Rianne
Rianne
Thought Provoker
Norway
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Joined 11th Feb 2022
Forum Posts: 130

Deathbed

binding ruffled ribbons
around silken syllables

adorn me in prose
take these sea shells
from my eyelids

bereave me
let fire seek
my ashen hair

let fire form
an alphabet

do not gaze

do not look

at my hands
do not kiss
these
opaque
lips

they are too old
to forgive

when rain
hangs out
to dry
the rippled glass

whispered
dead breath
came

too soon
to forget


AspergerPoet56
AspergerPoet56
Tyrant of Words
Scotland
23awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 4th Dec 2018
Forum Posts: 1653

Death Is A Pedophile

Death
Tip toes
Like a pedophile

Creeping
Dangerous
With dark intent

Smells
Broken souls
Like sweet perfume

Evil seducer
With
An icy touch

The innocents
Are such
Easy prey

Tastes fear
In that
Last breath



Written by AspergerPoet56
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smackdownraven
smackdownraven
Dangerous Mind
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Joined 29th Sep 2017
Forum Posts: 38

sick sanity

 
silence crept around me on my darkened days
struggling to feel alive
when my body just wanted to give up

I look on as the world continued with its machine
the sun was shining people were on their way two and froe
I sat on my deck watching feeling too bad to participate

depression set in and I retreated inside myself
curled inward my only defense
negative thoughts circled and I hurt

clawing my way across the yard
lungs wheezing and congested I ache
I made it to the garden but it wasn't the same

everything beautiful looked pretty to mock my state
I took in the lovely and felt isolated in the pain

I'm better today I seek entrance
the day welcome her sick child
back to her bossom

Written by smackdownraven
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AspergerPoet56
AspergerPoet56
Tyrant of Words
Scotland
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Joined 4th Dec 2018
Forum Posts: 1653

I Am Death

I am death
The spirit that eats the living
Reaping the souls
The last remaining breath
Of loved ones cherished ones

I am death
The one that spreads fear
Spreads dread into beating hearts
Darkness is my light
Silence my music

I am death
Feeding on the vulnerable
Choosing without discrimination
I don’t care if you have lived 100 years
Or have never left the womb

I am death
The opposite of what is held dear
Like a dark cloud I hover above life
Like the rain that dampens the summer
I dampen existence

I am death
The whisper through time
The architect of sorrow
I take hope and destroy it
It’s my destiny to take who I want

I am death
I can turn a room cold
With my very presence
I create the void in every heart
Your fate is to know me
Written by AspergerPoet56
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Bluevelvete
Bluevelvete
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 21st July 2020
Forum Posts: 2220

The perilous nature of being



i gather
the
scattered shards

pick them up

piece
by
piece

careful

not
to
cut


any deeper
 






Written by Bluevelvete
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AspergerPoet56
AspergerPoet56
Tyrant of Words
Scotland
23awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 4th Dec 2018
Forum Posts: 1653

Russian Roulette

Let’s play Russian Roulette
The bullet is in the chamber
Let it spin you have a chance
The bets on the table
Is life worth winning

Let’s play the game with high stakes
Could you win the world
All it takes is one spin
One pull of the trigger
The hammer blasting down

Feel the tension almost snap
Breathing is fast
Heart is pounding harder
Life seems so real within this second
Can you turn it around

The gun feels heavy
Cold steel on your skin
Thoughts of tomorrow gone
In front of you the world
Your alive …click ..your dead




Written by AspergerPoet56
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Bluevelvete
Bluevelvete
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 21st July 2020
Forum Posts: 2220

What A Difference A Day Makes.


     
Today      
I let        
words        
create doubt        
.        
.        
.        
.        
tomorrow,        
I'll shine        
in my truth.        
       
       
       
       
       
     
     
     
 
Written by Bluevelvete
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AspergerPoet56
AspergerPoet56
Tyrant of Words
Scotland
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Joined 4th Dec 2018
Forum Posts: 1653

Scratch The Surface

Just scratch the surface
Be careful what you seek underneath
It might not be what you want to see
You could suffer the same fate
This could be infectious

Just scratch the surface
But don’t dig too deep
What you find could be ugly
Glimpse the madness
Before it grabs you too

Just scratch the surface
Strap me down tight
This experience might mark you
I am contaminated material
Sterilise me till there’s nothing left

Just scratch the surface
Find the darkness inside
The secret of my abnormality
Lies beneath flesh and bone
Just cut away forget my pain

Just scratch the surface
Reach right down
Feel how vulnerable I really am
This sickness won’t heal
Keep your finger in the wound
Written by AspergerPoet56
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AspergerPoet56
AspergerPoet56
Tyrant of Words
Scotland
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Joined 4th Dec 2018
Forum Posts: 1653

(...i am...)

i am
nothing

not nearly
whole

a hole

i am
broken

truly a
mess

less

am
a pause

a lack
of breath

death

i am...

 ..

.






Written by AspergerPoet56
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Bluevelvete
Bluevelvete
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 21st July 2020
Forum Posts: 2220

... because the goal was always about making you feel petty and small

 
Why do I torture myself?      
whispers my inner ask    
     
Strength      
independence      
a small bit of allure      
cleverness      
intelligence      
all. meaningless.    
     
Not even      
attuned wit      
was enough      
to stop me      
from having your words      
gouge doubt directly      
into my psyche      
     
I blindingly allowed fresh air to curdle      
with sugar coated poison
     
     
And oh how I despise myself      
for being so easily fooled      
{for being a fool}      
by acutely disguised      
condescension    
infuriatingly      
mansplained away      
with ease      
and polished      
savoir faire    
     
I still barely believe      
the astonishing attempt      
aimed at dictating "direction"    
towards any      
remarkably relevant    
minute part      
of my hard admitted thoughtfulness      
     
You don't get to determine my worth    
     
Or pretend      
you even remotely      
understand.      
     
Not after      
using feigned concern    
cloaked e-diatribes    
that served as nothing more than      
manipulative word salads      
meant to harm,    
question      
hurt where it hurts most    
all while expertly twisting      
things into being my fault    
with passive aggressive      
guilt and belittling      
wordplay      
     
You initited      
reaching out      
'so selflessly'      
offering yourself up-    
cooing assurances    
'those soothing kindnesses'      
wrapped up in    
a tantalizing erudite nonchalance      
     
The kind      
'we mere women'    
even clever ones      
swoon over      
and love to instinctively covet,      
so much so      
that any inkling(s) otherwise      
were hidden deep  
and ignored without ado  
     
A warning sign    
my life experience    
should have simply recognized    
and sounded an alarm to      
at the very first mention      
of him not ever being      
'the bad guy'    
.      
.      
.      
.      
Evolving—    
becoming a better version of myself    
seems pointlessly futile      
     
When I couldn't even      
see the forest      
for the trees      
     
of knowing better.      
     
......      
     
 
Written by Bluevelvete
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Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 786

The Visitor (1)

At first, you entered unnoticed
And curled up quietly beside me.
As a tiny child, I asked no questions;
Assumed you lived there too.
Sometimes, you would follow me around
So I would pick you up and take you where I went.
An inconvenience for a season,
You would suddenly slink off without a word.
I'd look around, and you'd be gone.
Yet nobody seemed to notice.

As I grew older,
I'd sometimes hear your footsteps on the path;
Anticipate your knock upon the door.
I'd let you in without ceremony, ambivalent,
Neither pleased nor alarmed;
We just... coexisted.
One day, I took you to school and realised
That this wasn't quite the norm.
That if my friends knew people like you,
They weren't discussing it.
Perhaps it was just me.

On the cusp of adulthood,
Your visits became more frequent;
Your knocking more insistent.
At times I would ignore the door
But you'd barge in all the same.
Unbidden yet familiar,
You became a constant companion
Though not one I would choose.
I didn't know what you wanted from me,
But you took it anyway:
My years, my confidence,
Experiences, opportunities,
Chances at relationships,
My first-class degree,
My first career.

On finding out I wasn't the only one,
I dared to ask your name
And finally discovered
That we are not friends or housemates
Needing to muddle along.
Rather, you are a thorn in my side
And are best ignored.
If I can't ignore you
Or pretend to ignore,
I will use you for my own ends;
Take back some of what was mine.
Never again will I answer the door to you.
If you break and enter,
I will suck the life out of you
And feed it to my Notes and Words.
Written by Wafflenose (Ellie)
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Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
11awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 786

The Visitor (2)

Nobody saw you enter
And you didn’t bother to knock.
I don’t know how long you’ve been hiding here,
Though with hindsight, I might have known.
You turned down the volume,
Yet somehow increased the noise.
You dimmed the lights
And filled the air with a strange electric charge.
Dark netting screened out the real world -
It could still be seen, but seemed so far away
With no obvious means of return.
You turned up gravity
And spread treacle all over the floor,
Making it difficult to move.
You interfered with time,
Which moved so slowly that its hands creaked with pain.
Mere moments seemed like eternity.

All of this, I took in my stride,
Until things started to disappear.
I noticed that my reserves of patience and perseverance,
Courage and confidence were depleted.
You undoubtedly added them
To your collection of other stolen goods:
Months, grades, opportunities and jobs.

When winter came
And nightfall grew ever earlier,
I had no choice:
You had to leave.
The curtain of darkness outside
Merely enveloped
The blackness, heaviness and illusion of isolation
That you’d created inside, by
Playing havoc with controls
That did not belong to you.
It was difficult to evict someone
Whose presence spread like tendrils
Into every corner, every crevice;
Everything that could be touched.

Even when you’re gone,
Your traces cling to all I think and feel,
Altering life’s colours with such subtle shading
And somehow creating beauty despite yourself
Which can be seen by those who choose to find it.
Written by Wafflenose (Ellie)
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Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 786

After the rain

i

It was a rude awakening:
flung into a maelstrom that wasn't mine,
for weeks, I kept watch over you;
stood guard like a human umbrella,
hoping the elements would batter
this old wood instead.
But lightning struck your core
and the damage was done.

ii


Clouds blackened, as gusts were gathering.
I did not want to read the signs.
Very soon, it was pouring again.
Rain hammered us both:
me and you, shelter-less.
This storm was hard to bear—
cascading sheets of rain falling
as the wind howled.

iii

The third time was deceptive.
It rained down hard,
though at times so briefly
that I almost missed it.
As it settled into a steady downpour,
you asked me in despair
if it would ever stop.

iv

You ventured squinting
into the sunlight.
Look behind you...
don't you see how far you've come?
Written by Wafflenose (Ellie)
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Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
11awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 786

Circles

One more day.
Just hours old, but
Sleepless weeks have made it weary.
Has it really just begun?
Still the sun rises.
Restlessness.

Losing the fight
But can't give up.
Try to forget, though always aware;
No rest now as pain blurs dreams.
Feeling, denying, pretending.

Striving, grasping, falling.

So much to feel
That time slows down.
Crushing intensity of thoughts
Hurts all over. Emotions strong;
Expression fails.  They're
Locked inside.

Striving, grasping, fallen.

Almost restored; never the same.
Battle scars are reminders of
Emotional surgery
Needed to bring change;
Caused by change.
Written by Wafflenose (Ellie)
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