I’m actually not down. Sensing anger in your current responses makes me feel a little down, especially after I tried (and perhaps failed) to be kind and honest in response to a comment you made that had a positive effect on me, but I’m feeling a lot better than I did in the past. I’m feeling happier than I ever have, in fact!
Maybe you’re not angry and maybe I shouldn’t have made that assumption, if it annoyed you then I’m genuinely sorry. But from my perspective at least, your phrasing is commonly associated with anger (“who gives a shit?” “No-one gives a shit”), so yes, I made an assumption based on an observation. The way it looked to me, the way I conceptualised it, is that I was telling you “I am in pain” and you were shouting at me. If that was the wrong way to think about it, we live and learn
To clarify a couple of things that I may have miscommunicated, I didn’t “choose a pawn”. I said “chess piece” (I didn’t use the word pawn) in the context of a joke about how intense my commentary was, to lighten the mood. I don’t see myself as a pawn, or a rook, or a king. I see myself as me, and that’s starting to be enough, with the help of openness from people like yourself.
Secondly, I call myself “queer” to relate my particular experience without inviting too many assumptions. By “queer” I just mean “of a sexual identity that isn’t the majority sexual identity”, which could mean any number of the identities that we legally validate.
I hope you’re well too, Styxian. I look forward to reading some of your poetry.