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Psychopathy & Dark Triad Thread

Ahavati
Ahavati
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How to Bypass a Narcissist

The way a person responds to a narcissist can seal their fate or free them.

[ . . . ]

“Yes,” I empathized. “A person with personality issues is fueled and empowered when they are able to make another feel anxious and emotional,” I explained. “Whatever you do, do not appear flustered or emotional when the person attempts to push your buttons.”

The central goal of a narcissist Is to evoke emotion by stating back-handed comments, highly critical statements, or commands and demands, instead of communicating respectfully. Do not take the bait. Although it is impossible to avoid feeling emotional in this situation, do not show it. Appear indifferent and unaffected. Fake it until you make it.

Two things are likely to happen when the toxic individual is unable to get a rise out of the person they are targeting. They will either up the ante or quit because they aren't able to “get”’to the person.

[ . . . ]

Erin Leonard, Ph.D.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/201810/how-bypass-narcissist%3famp

I have dealt with so many both professionally and personally, I am literally immune to their bullshit. Once you learn to spot the pattern, you'll see things for what they are, and see the person for what they are and suffer from.

Valeriyabeyond
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Agreed
What I noticed with the person with NPD is they don't know how to act, socially or in private
Every word they say is for a reason either to learn reaction or to practice their hatred
They have no motivating factor in their lives other than motivatioal anger and hatred
They borrow your vocabulary, your expressions,  and your demeanor.
Once you are wise to their behaviors ,
you will notice,  these things as very odd.

I had a Malignant Narc for a husband nerly 40 years,  unfortunately he became ill   and now I am his caregiver.
His diagnosis went unchecked for 25 years
Once I did see  what I was facing I tried to help him devolve from what he had become
Digging deep into his past revealed
some very hurtful things
He was raped at 8 years old by 4 black girls from school he lived in Watts in the 1950's his sister raped by 5 black men put her in the hospital
His father could only be described as a major dick

Over the years I taught him that what happened to him was unacceptable but his treatment towards others his family was not acceptable
He continued to resent me until the day I left my pain was greater than my love for him although I will always love him

He still hasn't gotten to really know himself at 65

Ahavati
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It's horrible what some people have endured as children, Val. But it's wonderful how you recognized the issue and attempted to help.  Neither of my parents suffered narcissism, and if they suffered anything outside of a stringent religious doctrine, I certainly never knew about it.  

My father was my greatest inspiration, encouraging me to read, study, and form my own opinions on many things.  He absolutely refused to allow us to be indoctrinated in any form by my mother or either family. It taught me to think for myself, and research before formulating an opinion. It's the greatest gift he gave me; and one I am passing to my grandson.

You realize your mother was a very insecure person with low self-esteem?  Narcissists project to divert from their own pain. It doesn't make how they act acceptable outside of understanding the child within crying out.  On the contrary, it can truly fuck up some lives, causing mass alienation from relationships. Unfortunately, the more alienated the narcissist feels, the worse their behavior becomes.

Valeriyabeyond said:Agreed
What I noticed with the person with NPD is they don't know how to act, socially or in private
Every word they say is for a reason either to learn reaction or to practice their hatred
They have no motivating factor in their lives other than motivatioal anger and hatred
They borrow your vocabulary, your expressions,  and your demeanor.
Once you are wise to their behaviors ,
you will notice,  these things as very odd.

I had a Malignant Narc for a husband nerly 40 years,  unfortunately he became ill   and now I am his caregiver.
His diagnosis went unchecked for 25 years
Once I did see  what I was facing I tried to help him devolve from what he had become
Digging deep into his past revealed
some very hurtful things
He was raped at 8 years old by 4 black girls from school he lived in Watts in the 1950's his sister raped by 5 black men put her in the hospital
His father could only be described as a major dick

Over the years I taught him that what happened to him was unacceptable but his treatment towards others his family was not acceptable
He continued to resent me until the day I left my pain was greater than my love for him although I will always love him

He still hasn't gotten to really know himself at 65

Valeriyabeyond
Valeriyabeyond
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Ahavati said:It's horrible what some people have endured as children, Val. But it's wonderful how you recognized the issue and attempted to help.  Neither of my parents suffered narcissism, and if they suffered anything outside of a stringent religious doctrine, I certainly never knew about it.  

My father was my greatest inspiration, encouraging me to read, study, and form my own opinions on many things.  He absolutely refused to allow us to be indoctrinated in any form by my mother or either family. It taught me to think for myself, and research before formulating an opinion. It's the greatest gift he gave me; and one I am passing to my grandson.

You realize your mother was a very insecure person with low self-esteem?  Narcissists project to divert from their own pain. It doesn't make how they act acceptable outside of understanding the child within crying out.  On the contrary, it can truly fuck up some lives, causing mass alienation from relationships. Unfortunately, the more alienated the narcissist feels, the worse their behavior becomes.



Yes,  understand and thank you.
The ability to see myself as an individual with strengths and weaknesses.
To hold on to who I am, is the only thing that kept me sane.
I exited that relationship with myself intact,  although returning is like a reoccurring nightmare.
The difference is,  I am doing this out of choice
The minute his controlling BS starts I'm out of the room .
I've left him to prune in the bathtub until he conjures respect.

My legacy will be one of love,  my children support my decision except one who wants nothing to do with the bigotry.

How do you love the man and not the disorder when that's all he is ?
From where did my love derive ?

It came from the heart of a little girl who saw black socks sticking out from under the blankets in Mama's bed
Daddy doesn't wear black socks

It came from wanting a marriage that was solid despite differences.(wrong)
That created a blindness, for better or for worse has a whole new meaning when your life is taken from you,  at  the hands of a Narc,  who decides you will not leave him, no one else will ever have you,  as he pistal whips your brains out. You see yourself floating above the scene,  looking down as blood pools at your feet

Where would a love for someone like this come from ?

It came from a little girl who was let down by her Daddy, who left when she was six.
Didn't see him again until I was 40,  he lived five years as my adult father,  my friend,  my daddy,  before cancer took him

I tried to fill that daddy space with someone I felt would care fore me, provide for me ( mistake)
That's not what marriage is.
if I could go back
If I could go back
If I could go back



Valeriyabeyond
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People just don't realize how children are affected by their actions
Experience magnified when my dad married my new step dad's ex wife
How does a six year old grasp thst
This Daddy Dialogue always makes for a tearful day

Ahavati
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Valeriyabeyond said:People just don't realize how children are affected by their actions
Experience magnified when my dad married my new step dad's ex wife
How does a six year old grasp thst
This Daddy Dialogue always makes for a tearful day


I realize it's difficult, Val. Hopefully it's also cathartic.  Thank you for sharing. Education and firsthand experience can benefit to so many others who are trapped in or victims of a narcissistic cycle, albeit many times at the emotional expense of the one giving.  

Ahavati
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8 Signs of Narcissistic Rage

Narcissistic rage and its destructive consequences.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.” This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, “above others,” and self-absorbed.

Narcissistic rage can be defined as intense anger, aggression, or passive-aggression when a narcissist experiences a setback or disappointment, which shatters his (or her) illusions of grandiosity, entitlement, and superiority, and triggers inner inadequacy, shame, and vulnerability.
Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm. What distinguishes narcissistic rage from normal anger is that it is usually unreasonable, disproportional, and cuttingly aggressive (or intensely passive-aggressive), all because the narcissists’ wants and wishes are not being catered to. It is a blow to their superficial, idealized self-image.

(It is important to note that not all angry outbursts are narcissistic. There may be other factors at work, such as chemical imbalance, head injury, drugs and alcohol, etc.)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201807/8-signs-narcissistic-rage

EdibleWords
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You’ll burn stores and shoot cops to avoid saying I’m black, will you?

#oops #wrongthread

Layla
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Wow, Val..you certainly have lived/living with one reading your comments.  
When I read such detailed and accurate descriptions of poeple who have gone thru such traumatic experience having to deal with that type of relationship, I know right away that its the truth.

Isn't it exhausting?!..i know i felt so exhausted emotionally and mentally having to put up with it.

JohnnyBlaze
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Wikipedia is our friend.

JohnnyBlaze
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The three main types.

Ahavati
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JohnnyBlaze said:The three main types.

I've been guilty of all, and I don't know a human that hasn't been.  The important thing is how you address those feelings.  I remind myself ( in regards to the first two ) that whatever vibration I emit returns: positive or negative, i.e. —what I wish upon another, I am really wishing upon myself. Thus I catch myself and correct my thoughts. You have 17 seconds to correct a thought before it becomes an energy emission.  This gives you enough time to pull it back from the negative spectrum, and reverse its trajectory toward the positive.  When you do this enough, it becomes second nature to make the change within seconds, then, rarely at all.  Someone really has to push me, or there is a great injustice in order for me to think a negative outcome toward someone. And even then, I can pull it back, and refuse to allow it to become a negative emission.

Some are wise enough to learn this lesson at a very young age; it took me awhile to find the law of attraction path. But once I discovered it, I began walking it. I don't deny my human attributes and temptations. On the contrary, I think it's very human to experience all contrasts of emotion, and the only way we can grow through them to become a better person.

With the last one I have to be careful; while I am happy justice is served, I have to remember not to gloat, which is the antithesis of gratitude.

Just some tips on how I deal with those terms. To each their own.

Valeriyabeyond
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JohnnyBlaze said:Wikipedia is our friend.

That's interesting thank you I now innerstand

Valeriyabeyond
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Layla said:Wow, Val..you certainly have lived/living with one reading your comments.  
When I read such detailed and accurate descriptions of poeple who have gone thru such traumatic experience having to deal with that type of relationship, I know right away that its the truth.

Isn't it exhausting?!..i know i felt so exhausted emotionally and mentally having to put up with it.


Thank you Layla
Yes it is exhausting and heartbreaking too
I wanted to grow old together,  the fairytale of the betrothed idea
Can't wallow or think to deeply on it I would be a consistent mess
I TRY to make sure I have one day a week completely to myself, that helps
And I will always do  like I've always done which is absorb as much knowledge as I can
Alot of the things I learn will not earn money such as Petrology, Etymology,
some may someday like Law, Forensic Science
When I was teaching we would get a stipend for furthering our education that was a good incentive to take a couple classes each semester



Umm
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Thought this was an informative, & a nicely made video: https://youtu.be/H_Dqczmp8Kc

💕🌱

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