It's horrible what some people have endured as children, Val. But it's wonderful how you recognized the issue and attempted to help. Neither of my parents suffered narcissism, and if they suffered anything outside of a stringent religious doctrine, I certainly never knew about it.
My father was my greatest inspiration, encouraging me to read, study, and form my own opinions on many things. He absolutely refused to allow us to be indoctrinated in any form by my mother or either family. It taught me to think for myself, and research before formulating an opinion. It's the greatest gift he gave me; and one I am passing to my grandson.
You realize your mother was a very insecure person with low self-esteem? Narcissists project to divert from their own pain. It doesn't make how they act acceptable outside of understanding the child within crying out. On the contrary, it can truly fuck up some lives, causing mass alienation from relationships. Unfortunately, the more alienated the narcissist feels, the worse their behavior becomes.
Yes, understand and thank you.
The ability to see myself as an individual with strengths and weaknesses.
To hold on to who I am, is the only thing that kept me sane.
I exited that relationship with myself intact, although returning is like a reoccurring nightmare.
The difference is, I am doing this out of choice
The minute his controlling BS starts I'm out of the room .
I've left him to prune in the bathtub until he conjures respect.
My legacy will be one of love, my children support my decision except one who wants nothing to do with the bigotry.
How do you love the man and not the disorder when that's all he is ?
From where did my love derive ?
It came from the heart of a little girl who saw black socks sticking out from under the blankets in Mama's bed
Daddy doesn't wear black socks
It came from wanting a marriage that was solid despite differences.(wrong)
That created a blindness, for better or for worse has a whole new meaning when your life is taken from you, at the hands of a Narc, who decides you will not leave him, no one else will ever have you, as he pistal whips your brains out. You see yourself floating above the scene, looking down as blood pools at your feet
Where would a love for someone like this come from ?
It came from a little girl who was let down by her Daddy, who left when she was six.
Didn't see him again until I was 40, he lived five years as my adult father, my friend, my daddy, before cancer took him
I tried to fill that daddy space with someone I felt would care fore me, provide for me ( mistake)
That's not what marriage is.
if I could go back
If I could go back
If I could go back