Adoption

So ask away, I know about it because I was adopted and no it is not a bad thing.

There were many many MANY times I wish i was sent to Foster Care while growing up.  My family treated me like Cinderella in the story only an X (or R - depending on how much gore You can handle) RATED version.

I actually overheard the parents discussing an option to send me to Juvenile Hall (I was in the 4th grade) because they were at their wits' end as what to do with me.

What i want to know is,
How did You get so fortunate to have a GOOD adoption experience?

I've done volunteer work with various orgs and most of the kids were borderline fucked up.
I imagine it depends on what part of the country (world) one lives and the economic status?
I don't know about that stuff only got schooled from many an angry child.

Funny thing,
the abused kids i worked with -- on the outside appeared less angry.  Not good........not good.

I grew up in a foster home with my sister from age 7 til almost 19. (She was sent away when I was 14 and she was 12 because she was a danger to others). I was born and raised Judeo-Christian (my father was Jewish, mother not) but more Jewish than not. When my parents were sent to prison and their parental rights stripped, they dropped any pretense of attempting to respect our Jewish heritage. I was raised as a strict conservative Christian, just shy of full on Mennonite. I didn't have a normal childhood - I went to school, did chores, when I was 14 I started working as well as school and chores. In 9th grade on top of all that I started vocational school to become a chef. I was beyond furious all the time, and I didn't even know how to express it. I was envious, because I would get chances and they would be taken away because I was a foster kid. The worst was in 7th grade - I scored a 99 percent on the nationwide English comp/lit exam for my grade. I was given the chance to go and spend an entire summer at Johns Hopkins to study college-level English comp/lit. I didn't get to go - supposedly because the foster care agency couldn't get permission for me to go. I rebelled every chance I could, went grunge, wrote RPs and poems, and hated the world. I also was studying to be a chef and working as a cook while still in school. Did I have a lot of chances most kids don't get? Yes. I stayed with one family, who were well-off (but never extended very much of that to me) and I grew up relatively safe til high school when the neo-Nazis came around and started trying to toss me off moving school buses. I fought back - and I got suspended. After highschool I was completely unprepared to take care of myself, but I was let go and had I not reunited with my biological family, I would be dead. I always felt that good things would be snatched away at the last moment - it is only in the last few years that fear has lessened. But I still always wait for the other shoe to drop, try to prepare for the inevitable disappointment. So, those were my years in foster care: to be taught that love had a price, that good things were always snatched away, and that I was never worth any more than the basics. And these are lessons I am still undoing til today.

I'm not gonna share or compare Your Foster care with all the reasons why i wanted to but only to say
THANK YOU for sharing

Tallen, I knew pretty early on that being in care had been best for me, however furious I was. I was angry because I was always different. I can see why you at times may have wished to be in care. Even my worst moments in foster care were still better than memories I have of home. Saying sorry cannot take away your painful childhood - only time and age can dim it a little - but I feel your pain. You have endured so very much, and I see you as a model of strength. Don't let Them win.

I appreciate Your response and am thankful.
You made my face wet today.  Age, i don't think helps that much as i will be 62 next week and the emotions
attached feel almost life it wast yesterday........everyday in the 1960's in Hawaii.
But i truly believe i DO get better each time i share and someone understands.........if not realizes their pain is along side mine-- not worse just that they are not alone today...........

Sometimes, to know we are not alone is all we can ask for. You are not alone, Tallen.