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is there a balance between bdsm and sexual harassment/assaul

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sweetdevil
CortneyB
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I've experienced both.
I've both had consensual sex where I was tied down, gagged, choked, spanked, scratched until my back was red and near bleeding, bitten...

I've also been hollered at, groped, had people call me a slut, spreading rumors about having been with me, telling me I deserve to be raped...
And we can't forget that I've been drunk, held down, choked, and assaulted, then trapped on a boat with the man for over a week. (Trust me, I wish I could.)

Trust  me. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. There is definitely a balance to it.
Its all about consent, and trust.

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SweetOblivion
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the difference is consent

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UbiquitousVoid
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It's BDSM as long as both parties consent to it. But as soon as one party says to stop, the other party must comply or it becomes assault. Also, its not BDSM as long as either party is inebriated or under the influence of mind-altering substances, because you cannot legally give consent at that point.

poet Anonymous

UbiquitousVoid said:It's BDSM as long as both parties consent to it. But as soon as one party says to stop, the other party must comply or it becomes assault. Also, its not BDSM as long as either party is inebriated or under the influence of mind-altering substances, because you cannot legally give consent at that point.

I wonder do you feel that line of reasoning runs into all i.e. under the influence levels of consent?

As to the thematic, everyone seems to understand the nature of sexual assault and bdsm, but does the existance of womens desire to be dominated translate into social attitude of sexual assault?

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lepperochan
Craic-in-a-box
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all good and valid points. consensus  leans towards the logical conclusion.

@Todski

I've thought about this whole respect business. the more I think about it the more I wonder what it is exactly.  is it a feeing ?   is it adhering to rules and regulations ?not heckling a person onstage?

is it not slapping grandad in the face to wake him up ...or would it depend on how old the perp what done the slapping was

what does it mean to 'pay respect'

what sanctions are applied when you (anyone in the audience) withdraw respect. in your experience how has it affected the person's life or well-being




I put it to you all respect is nothing but a false economy. can't be bought or sold. because it doesn't exist (yes, I've changed my position) ...or only exists in its negative state ie disrespect


@poetryman

I agree, the rules of engagement may make saints of us all. ..where would the fun be in that. sadly that particular ship left it's harbour already

I was thinking maybe your issue with BDSM could have stemmed from -based on a true story- type stuff. I can say with all honesty, having spent some time chatting  to members of and reading about different communities.  the community  you refer to would eject any persons who displayed such behaviours  


thank you, you're all beautiful

..yes, including you too

you're welcome


poet Anonymous

DICTIONARY

respect
rɪˈspɛkt/Submit
noun
1.
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
"the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor"
synonyms:   esteem, regard, high regard, high opinion, acclaim, admiration, approbation, approval, appreciation, estimation, favour, popularity, recognition, veneration, awe, reverence, deference, honour, praise, homage
"the respect due to a great artist"
2.
due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.
"young people's lack of respect for their parents"
synonyms:   due regard, consideration, thoughtfulness, attentiveness, politeness, courtesy, civility, deference
"he speaks to the old lady with respect"
verb
1.
admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
"she was respected by everyone she worked with"
synonyms:   esteem, admire, think highly of, have a high opinion of, hold in high regard, hold in (high) esteem, think much of, approve of, appreciate, cherish, value, set (great) store by, prize, treasure, look up to, pay homage to, venerate, revere, reverence, adulate, worship, idolize, put on a pedestal, lionize, hero-worship, honour, applaud, praise, favour
"as a teacher he was highly respected for his industry and patience"
2.
have due regard for (someone's feelings, wishes, or rights).
"I respected his views"
synonyms:   show consideration for, show regard for, take into consideration, take into account, make allowances for, take cognizance of, observe, pay heed/attention to, bear in mind, be mindful of, be heedful of, remember; archaicregard
"at least they respect your privacy"


So if you remove respect from anyone it is a personal perspective and as such can dictate how and why you interact with people in a certain way,

To me you don't deserve my admiration until you earn it, and all of your rights are my responsibility to uphold, so you get the base level of your rights upheld, I'm not going to straight up punch you in the teeth when we first me, based on legalities and manners, however the interaction will be guarded to start with,
Funny thing is since its a personal feelings based emotion it is highly subjective, like any things feelings based it's a pain to try and nail down

Withdrawing respect to me changes the manner of interaction between two individuals, the difference between a friendly smile, to total ignorance, all the way up to violence.


As to poetrymans concept, it's not those communities but more the larger public that has issues towards women.

poet
RByron418
R Byron Johnson
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People don't live according to the fucking dictionary definition of things

poet Anonymous

RByron418 said:People don't live according to the fucking dictionary definition of things

Lol

Then that must mean all language and communication is a defunct tool for explanation, extrapolation and understanding.

Do you live by the dictionary meaning of any of the words used or can I simply substitute any word for any other and it still make sense?

The dictionary definition was used to highlight and define respect as a corner stone of my conversational point.

If I'm coming across as an arrogant prick then I humbly apologise but I think the issue is your interpretation as opposed to my explanation


poet
Umm
eliza
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RByron418 said:People don't live according to the fucking dictionary definition of things

They are helpful for communication and understanding concepts and stuff but that's about it. my cat and virtually all other animals don't live according to the dictionary definition of things so why should I.

(i. e., I agree with you)

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0bs3ss3dp0ss3ss3d
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SweetOblivion said:the difference is consent

Exactly what I was about to say

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LibraSoul96
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Can someone further explain the pros and cons of bdsm??

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Umm
eliza
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LibraSoul96 said: As women we should take a stand and fight for our rights when it comes to freedom and how the temple (our bodies) are being treated.

my body is a synagogue

and I think most people should be mostly able to decide for themselves how they want their bodies to be treated. It seems counterproductive to decide what's acceptable for women as a whole solely based on what you personally approve of

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LibraSoul96
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I get u

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Umm
eliza
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good ^~^

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LibraSoul96
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So can you further explain ur logic

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