My Suicide

Ingots of Silver Light



Suitcase packed, sitting beside the door
all business is taken care of:

hunger burns in the trenches of my belly
slithering making its lair where shadows
no longer fills strange visages, a curling
body in a bed of two pillows

you couldnt have known if signs weren't
there,

anyways, I've been  long estranged from
life through the unfolding of my eyes,
where i become comforted in a kaleidoscope
of demi lune fog; two hands full of soil

Usually, I inscribe these papyrus nights to
my own accord,  to recoil the sensations
escaping down my legs, the artist is my
lover, he.. she.. them ..they're the stains
on my gentle hands; attached souvenirs

So, play on Vivaldi....play for me; til my
sensitivity and veins collapse

Lull the hopeful gazes of those who wish
to reflect behind layers of  my crystallize
open pores, I will summons you when im
ready for you to see

don't worry, it's going to be a beautiful -i-,
i'll be a new and improved me ^ you'll
be the nameless set free

Goodbye World

I cannot stand to try to fit in when the world
Is telling me to be just like everybody else.
I am the one who is ignored and curled
Up in the corner. I am the one who melts
While everyone else feels the sunshine.
I only feel alive when the demons are living
Inside my head. They have me sign
My heart over to the devil. I should be forgiving
Everyone although they are far from sorry.
I can never apologize enough because I am
Not sorry either. I want to be a part of the starry
Skies because that is better than having to slam
Into the truth that I am far from okay. I am leaving
With my suitcases packed and just this letter
That you reread. You should not be grieving
Over me because the truth is that you are better
Without me here. Eventually you are going
To move on and forget about me. We know that
The moon is still there and the wind is still blowing.
You should no longer be asking yourself what
Happened because you do not want to know
The answer. I could be the bird watching overhead
Or I could be the sneaky black crow
Picking at your feet and that is a part of life's bed.

Life Is a Lie

I wish that I could be a little bit stronger
And that I can hang on for just a bit longer,
But my life is already beginning to slip away.
You promised me that you would never let me stray
Or go under, but you are lying right through
Your mouth and words as usual. My heart is a zoo
And a mess. You say I am losing my mind and that
I am insane. Maybe I am. My pulse has a flat
Line. I cannot live this life where I am living in my
Body and a mind that is unfamiliar. You let me die
Away like a faded rose petal. Your tears are
Fake, rolling down your face. You touched my scar,
But simply did not understand. I was trying hard
To be that girl you wanted me to be. You discard
Me as something you have no longer a use for.
I tried to live as an angel so that I could soar
High above you, but I could no longer pretend
To be amazing and flawless. I was not a godsend,
Taking whatever would make me live in sin.
I hated living in my own flesh and skin.
You were never any better than me, us or them.
Do not pretend like you ever knew where I came from
Because we were from different parts of this world.
You do not know what it is like to be curled
Up into ball late at night because you feel like
You never had a place in this world. One more strike
And this is all done. Let me lay to rest and leave
This world. You will eventually no longer grieve
For me. So I am leaving you with this note
Saying goodbye, a truth shoved down your throat.

Kiss you goodbye
My face upon the glass
Come down from the high
These final moments pass

I took all the mdma
Danced at the rave till collapse
New I could no longer stay
Swallow some more Valium perhaps

I want to fade out silently
After the pain and chaos before
This world treated me so violently
I cannot take it anymore

Chemicals is my journey led
Swallowed snorted fucked dilation
Wandering where other boys fear to tread
The last moment of elation

Where was the life I envisage?
It’s easier to close my eyes
And reflect on the precious after image
Swallow the pills I learned to despise

Tell me
what would you do
if you knew
that I was
would you scream
would you shout
would you hurt
me
inside
I am broken
outside
all that you will see
is a sad tired lonely smile
as I pack my bags
to go
to another place
and where ever I land
it will be then
I will have to decide
do I  
suicide
or stay
to try
with all the pain
that it brings
to put back together
my broken fractured
wings
or just leave
my body
and my feelings
behind

Congrats Fallen Angel. Honored to be runner up, great comp, very therapeutic.





~anonshadow😏

Congratulations to Shadow for making runner up