Poetry competition CLOSED 6th December 2016 7:33am
WINNER
drone
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RUNNERS-UP: GothicQueen666 and mikayla561

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romance

sirBoring
sirBoring
Thought Provoker
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Joined 31st Oct 2016
Forum Posts: 143

Poetry Contest

Share only one romantic poem.
Poems will get thorough reviews of multiple sentences that will explain good features as well as subjective areas of improvement.

1st place winner gets 30$
2nd place winner gets 20$
3rd place winner gets 10$

paypal.

cash prizes will take effect after receiving 60 entries.

if you have any questions or concerns, please send me a private message.

poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
poetryaccident
poetryaccident
Poetry Accident
Fire of Insight
United States
14awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 30th Oct 2016
Forum Posts: 161

When I Land

I fall in love too easily
totter off the high tall cliff
if I share this momentís bliss
in the company of one like you
pretty is enough you see
pulling me to the edge
propping me to feel the push
when nearness adds a gentle breeze

half is not the full amount
it is enough to set my heart
to thinking of what could be
you and me in company
hand in hand as a start
plunging fast towards the rocks
where Iíll land I do not know
these fantasies call for romance

Salinger warned of the craze
madness borne of female touch
he did not wish to veer from it
instead he shared the consequence
to an end this I will plummet
the outcome Iíll never guess
Iíll take my lumps in lifeís pursuit
if beauty waits when I land.

poet Anonymous

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drone
drone
Dangerous Mind
Greece
10awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 3rd Sep 2011
Forum Posts: 561


would you

Would you let me climb
under your skin
to feel all the things
that you hold within
would you let me take root
in your garden
to lay in your heart
to be golden


Don't want no money

Miss_Sub
Miss_Sub
- Missy -
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
98awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 26th June 2011
Forum Posts: 8308

Am I the only one thinking somebody wanting your PayPal details is a little tiny bit suspect...

KDAmB
KDAmB
Tyrant of Words
Australia
13awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 5th Sep 2014
Forum Posts: 6358

have you ever seen
a word kill another?
literary equivalent
of brother kill brother

in fact, this time
it was a gang of two
yes am talking 'bout words
a killing they did do

the word was romance
of love songs and dance
of passion and commitment
but it had not a chance

two intent assasins
their tactic was surprise
'romance' had no chance
killed by 'cash prize'!













MadameLavender
MadameLavender
Guardian of Shadows
United States
73awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5048

sirBoring said:Poems will get thorough reviews of multiple sentences that will explain good features as well as subjective areas of improvement.

1st place winner gets 30$
2nd place winner gets 20$
3rd place winner gets 10$

paypal

cash prizes will take effect after receiving 60 entries.


No--first place receives the virtual trophy and second & third place get runner up status. That's how it works here for comps and if you want to use PayPal, enter your own email and become a supporter member of DUP. Thank you.

EdgarAllanPoetry
EdgarAllanPoetry
Tristan Edgar
Lost Thinker
United States
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Joined 5th Dec 2016
Forum Posts: 12

I don't know if this where I submit my entry but...

Love, Itís a peculiar thing, shown by vast commodities  or diamond rings. It kills as well as it heals but it's often said only for cheap thrills. But I must say the love I hold for you is not something you can knock out of a shoe. Our love holds me close and whispers sweet secrets in my ear. Secrets that you need to hear. Love tells me that my forever is held in your hands, it humbles me, makes me see that I'm just a man. Every man needs a woman by his side. One that will be there for him when he may cry. And one that will mourn him when he one day dies. But such a relationship must be mutual for it to blossom into something useful. Lauryn, I swear on my life a love like ours is foreign. You hold the only key to my heart, you hold my world only you could tear it apart. I've given you all of me, everything that you see it's yours. You only have brought my life to a path that I will gladly travel before you my world was nothing but unraveled. Baby, I am hoping that maybe, just maybe you're the one. To fill a hole In my heart as wide as the sun.  Lauryn love is a peculiar thing and I hope to give you all of the commodities and maybe one dayÖ.a diamond ring.

mikayla561
mikayla561
Strange Creature
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Joined 6th Dec 2016
Forum Posts: 3

† † † † † † † † † †MISSING BEAT

† † †Help me stop the tears, before i sleep each night, my bed is always empty, i can't hold u tight. Another night alone, my hearts missing ur beat, i pray to you again, these same words i repeat. Dont leave me laying alone, dont leave me in this place, lay here beside me, let me touch ur face. Let me kiss ur lips, let me see that smile, let me hold u tight, make my life worthwhile, Raise me from the ground, raise me from the shame, listen to my heart, whispering ur name. Put back my missing beat, wipe away my tears, i only have a dream, but it always disappears. Let me be women i have nothing too hide , come here by my side, bring back my missing beat, fill me with pride, with you in my arms, my heart is full of love, lay here in my bed, send him from above. Embrace me with your warmth, lift my fallen head, dont let me close my eyes, in an empty bed, with this missing beat, i feel less of a wand oman , hurry back to me, as qauickly as u can. Let me hear ur answer, please send me a sign, while he lives and breathes, he shall and will always be mine, I sink further down, each day we are apart, come and put that missing beat, back into my heart...

Hepcat61
Hepcat61
geoff cat
Dangerous Mind
United States
31awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 27th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 995

A POET'S HEART
(a sestina)

Her words like grace in mountain mists
And shine in quarter-moonís reclining last.
To pull my nervous pen resist
That I should stand in starlightís shadow cast.
Her airs to breathe that I might know
The poetís laugh before my dawning glow.

Long have I bent to midnightís candleís glow,
As ghosts and lovers filled its mist.
To search my piecíed heart that I might know
How I would come to love at last.
How strange this hourís strutting stage Iíve cast
And pushed at madnessí name this love resist.

But times my heart could not resist,
And I would bask in deeper madnessí glow.
In sacred hopes my soul would cast,
To deeply live in madnessí incense mist.
Soon days would blacken lovingís last,
In pain and loss that lovers know.

Iíd stain my books this loversí pain to know,
And sharing did I long resist.
How deep and long the madnessí echoes last.
But in the winterís short dayís glow,
I found a voice that called in tempered mist;
A voice that versely healing love spells cast.

A voice in softened language cast.
A voice compelling me that I would know.
A voice unknown yet ever missed.
My brain cries stop but heart will not resist.
It gains my soul a shining glow,
The first, though it appears as last.

I give her all my words, the first and last,
And show her how each poem is cast.
And she returns her lines with twilight glow.
Then we join lines to better know
Our words becoming one without resist.
And mingling our hearts in wordly mists.

Itís love in words we cast and lines we know
At last to use my pen without resist,
Our words like glow in midnight mountain mists.




GothicQueen666
GothicQueen666
Viviaan
Thought Provoker
United States
1awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 5th Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 186

Creatures of Fire
We swan-dive into the volcano, burning;
Weíre creatures of the fire,
Mingled male and female, yearning
For the heat, the sweet explosion of desire.
I splash into the pleasure, all consuming;
Iím joyfully insane,
My passion for you deep, and fully blooming;
Long after, sweet warm flickers still remain.
You make my body sizzle with your kisses,
And yet thereís so much more;
My heart is kindled, too; It knows what bliss is,
This closeness that Iíve never felt before.
My body and my heart belong to you;
Iím peaceful and complete.
I see more adventures coming for we two,
We creatures of the tender fire and heat.


sirBoring
sirBoring
Thought Provoker
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Joined 31st Oct 2016
Forum Posts: 143


>>>>>DUcontest2


1=====
His love

His love is the butterfly kisses on my neck and back
His love is the blue eyed stare when he thinks I don't notice

Not clingy
Not jealous
Nor controlling

His love is the mountains he moves and the Moon he lassoed
His craving for me is sweet
His lust is true
Passion is his hidden talent

The stories
Memories
Laughs and tears
Heated moments of anger and outbursts of I don't love you
Replaced rage with his love for me

Hands held with every stroll
Face stroked with each kiss
Each embrace is like going home to that safe place.

Comfort is his face
His embracing arms I race
Disappointing him I fear for his loveÖ Despite myself his love forgives

His love moves me to be better
To grow
Explore
His love healed wounds
Patched gashes
Stitched heart and made it beat again

And although darkened thoughts,
Panic moments
Negative Worthless feelings
Surround me at times

His love sheds hope..
This man has gone through it with me..
I bore easy yet he's not bored me yet.
I trust few to none but himÖ HimÖ I'm still glad it's him..
D.E.S
I love you and I love how you love me.


-----
Comment: I like how the words becomes more personal, as I read towards the end of this piece. You've briefly discussed a great variety of emotions from laughter to anger, giving a sense of great introspection. I felt that there were too many repeated words and phrases. I also felt that the poem title "his love" was exhausted and not much creative. Still, the stanza breaks are quite well planned, showing a good amount of organized thoughts. My favorite lines are

"Hands held with every stroll
Face stroked with each kiss
Each embrace is like going home to that safe place."


2=====
would you

Would you let me climb
under your skin
to feel all the things
that you hold within
would you let me take root
in your garden
to lay in your heart
to be golden


-----
Comment: Overall the combined relationship of images are quite harmonious, "climb under your skin," "take root in your garden," and "lay in your heart." still, the "climb under your skin" phrase sometimes make me think of a parasite bug crawling underneath the skin, which is quite unusual. My favorite words are

"would you let me take root
in your garden."


3=====
                  MISSING BEAT

    Help me stop the tears, before i sleep each night, my bed is always empty, i can't hold u tight. Another night alone, my hearts missing ur beat, i pray to you again, these same words i repeat. Dont leave me laying alone, dont leave me in this place, lay here beside me, let me touch ur face. Let me kiss ur lips, let me see that smile, let me hold u tight, make my life worthwhile, Raise me from the ground, raise me from the shame, listen to my heart, whispering ur name. Put back my missing beat, wipe away my tears, i only have a dream, but it always disappears. Let me be women i have nothing too hide , come here by my side, bring back my missing beat, fill me with pride, with you in my arms, my heart is full of love, lay here in my bed, send him from above. Embrace me with your warmth, lift my fallen head, dont let me close my eyes, in an empty bed, with this missing beat, i feel less of a wand oman , hurry back to me, as qauickly as u can. Let me hear ur answer, please send me a sign, while he lives and breathes, he shall and will always be mine, I sink further down, each day we are apart, come and put that missing beat, back into my heart...


-----
Comment: the shape/structure of this poem is very fitting. Clearly, this piece is a very good poem with decent rhythm and even some rhymes. In fact, if the poem was structured to emphasize the rhyme and rhythm, then it would've been quite lengthy and maybe even unappealing; so the chose of prose-like structure was quite clever. Some parts of the poem have very strange English; perhaps they are gramatical errors? But I really like the strong emotions protrayed through repetition and use of rhythm.


5=====
Creatures of Fire

We swan-dive into the volcano, burning;
Weíre creatures of the fire,
Mingled male and female, yearning
For the heat, the sweet explosion of desire.
I splash into the pleasure, all consuming;
Iím joyfully insane,
My passion for you deep, and fully blooming;
Long after, sweet warm flickers still remain.
You make my body sizzle with your kisses,
And yet thereís so much more;
My heart is kindled, too; It knows what bliss is,
This closeness that Iíve never felt before.
My body and my heart belong to you;
Iím peaceful and complete.
I see more adventures coming for we two,
We creatures of the tender fire and heat.


-----
Comment: the subtle sensuality is quite intriguing here, matching the metaphors that relate to heat and fire. I felt that this piece would've been more pleasing to read with stanza breaks. But this quilted poem of romance and irony is quite incredible.

sirBoring
sirBoring
Thought Provoker
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Joined 31st Oct 2016
Forum Posts: 143

Hepcat61 said:A POET'S HEART
(a sestina)

Her words like grace in mountain mists
And shine in quarter-moonís reclining last.
To pull my nervous pen resist
That I should stand in starlightís shadow cast.
Her airs to breathe that I might know
The poetís laugh before my dawning glow.

Long have I bent to midnightís candleís glow,
As ghosts and lovers filled its mist.
To search my piecíed heart that I might know
How I would come to love at last.
How strange this hourís strutting stage Iíve cast
And pushed at madnessí name this love resist.

But times my heart could not resist,
And I would bask in deeper madnessí glow.
In sacred hopes my soul would cast,
To deeply live in madnessí incense mist.
Soon days would blacken lovingís last,
In pain and loss that lovers know.

Iíd stain my books this loversí pain to know,
And sharing did I long resist.
How deep and long the madnessí echoes last.
But in the winterís short dayís glow,
I found a voice that called in tempered mist;
A voice that versely healing love spells cast.

A voice in softened language cast.
A voice compelling me that I would know.
A voice unknown yet ever missed.
My brain cries stop but heart will not resist.
It gains my soul a shining glow,
The first, though it appears as last.

I give her all my words, the first and last,
And show her how each poem is cast.
And she returns her lines with twilight glow.
Then we join lines to better know
Our words becoming one without resist.
And mingling our hearts in wordly mists.

Itís love in words we cast and lines we know
At last to use my pen without resist,
Our words like glow in midnight mountain mists.





this was a very good piece. It was a little hard to understand though, so I wasn't confident in giving a thorough comment/critique.

Jade-Pandora
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
169awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4768

To the host sirBoring, respectfully, may I suggest that you number your competitions going forward to avoid confusion please... like so:

romance 1
romance 2
romance 3

and if you do another of the same like the others, how about romance 4.

Thanks!😉

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