His love is the butterfly kisses on my neck and back
His love is the blue eyed stare when he thinks I don't notice
His love is the mountains he moves and the Moon he lassoed
His craving for me is sweet
His lust is true
Passion is his hidden talent
Laughs and tears
Heated moments of anger and outbursts of I don't love you
Replaced rage with his love for me
Hands held with every stroll
Face stroked with each kiss
Each embrace is like going home to that safe place.
Comfort is his face
His embracing arms I race
Disappointing him I fear for his loveÖ Despite myself his love forgives
His love moves me to be better
His love healed wounds
Stitched heart and made it beat again
And although darkened thoughts,
Negative Worthless feelings
Surround me at times
His love sheds hope..
This man has gone through it with me..
I bore easy yet he's not bored me yet.
I trust few to none but himÖ HimÖ I'm still glad it's him..
I love you and I love how you love me.
Comment: I like how the words becomes more personal, as I read towards the end of this piece. You've briefly discussed a great variety of emotions from laughter to anger, giving a sense of great introspection. I felt that there were too many repeated words and phrases. I also felt that the poem title "his love" was exhausted and not much creative. Still, the stanza breaks are quite well planned, showing a good amount of organized thoughts. My favorite lines are
"Hands held with every stroll
Face stroked with each kiss
Each embrace is like going home to that safe place."
Would you let me climb
under your skin
to feel all the things
that you hold within
would you let me take root
in your garden
to lay in your heart
to be golden
Comment: Overall the combined relationship of images are quite harmonious, "climb under your skin," "take root in your garden," and "lay in your heart." still, the "climb under your skin" phrase sometimes make me think of a parasite bug crawling underneath the skin, which is quite unusual. My favorite words are
"would you let me take root
in your garden."
Help me stop the tears, before i sleep each night, my bed is always empty, i can't hold u tight. Another night alone, my hearts missing ur beat, i pray to you again, these same words i repeat. Dont leave me laying alone, dont leave me in this place, lay here beside me, let me touch ur face. Let me kiss ur lips, let me see that smile, let me hold u tight, make my life worthwhile, Raise me from the ground, raise me from the shame, listen to my heart, whispering ur name. Put back my missing beat, wipe away my tears, i only have a dream, but it always disappears. Let me be women i have nothing too hide , come here by my side, bring back my missing beat, fill me with pride, with you in my arms, my heart is full of love, lay here in my bed, send him from above. Embrace me with your warmth, lift my fallen head, dont let me close my eyes, in an empty bed, with this missing beat, i feel less of a wand oman , hurry back to me, as qauickly as u can. Let me hear ur answer, please send me a sign, while he lives and breathes, he shall and will always be mine, I sink further down, each day we are apart, come and put that missing beat, back into my heart...
Comment: the shape/structure of this poem is very fitting. Clearly, this piece is a very good poem with decent rhythm and even some rhymes. In fact, if the poem was structured to emphasize the rhyme and rhythm, then it would've been quite lengthy and maybe even unappealing; so the chose of prose-like structure was quite clever. Some parts of the poem have very strange English; perhaps they are gramatical errors? But I really like the strong emotions protrayed through repetition and use of rhythm.
Creatures of Fire
We swan-dive into the volcano, burning;
Weíre creatures of the fire,
Mingled male and female, yearning
For the heat, the sweet explosion of desire.
I splash into the pleasure, all consuming;
Iím joyfully insane,
My passion for you deep, and fully blooming;
Long after, sweet warm flickers still remain.
You make my body sizzle with your kisses,
And yet thereís so much more;
My heart is kindled, too; It knows what bliss is,
This closeness that Iíve never felt before.
My body and my heart belong to you;
Iím peaceful and complete.
I see more adventures coming for we two,
We creatures of the tender fire and heat.
Comment: the subtle sensuality is quite intriguing here, matching the metaphors that relate to heat and fire. I felt that this piece would've been more pleasing to read with stanza breaks. But this quilted poem of romance and irony is quite incredible.