Poetry competition CLOSED 16th July 2016 5:11pm
WINNER
seekingkate (kateA)
View Profile Poems by seekingkate
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RUNNER-UP: case28

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Flip your Script

LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Guardian of Shadows
Sierra Leone
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Joined 16th Apr 2013
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Poetry Contest

Take a poem you've written and write a contrasting piece
Take a poem you've written and have posted here on DUP, and write a new poem that contrasts the first (the opposing voice or other side of the coin) ...

In writing the new piece you may use poetic devices explored in the first, but again the content should be in stark contrast to the original ...

You can post the first poem in it's entirety or simply attach a link ...

Please no commenting on entries until after the competition ...

Salud

gazellemon
gazellemon
Bradley J
Fire of Insight
United States
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Great Idea for the competition!

First Poem: Experimenting with Sobriety

How fucked is it I experiment with sobriety,
Deceive others to believe I’m functioning in society,
Feel relieved only when drugs are inside of me,
Weed, molly, benzos, LSD, DMT, ketamine,
Bursting seams mentally sucking at the devils teat,
So I feel more at peace in my dreams than reality,
Its hard to believe others dramatize that part of me,
Traumatized yet still I abuse losing my vitality,
I’m a fool to use to cope with the stress of my adolescence morality,
That’s an excuse from my poor mentality, am I an abnormality-
Because i neglected  the lesson that might stand in place of this confession,
Showing symptoms of depression, but all hopes is not lost,
I can buy happiness I gave it a cost,
my discretion I tossed aside I'm exhausted and losing my mind,
I'm inclined to combine refined lines designed to unwind my kind,
Remind myself I wont find the dragon,
My life will end with a magnum,
a drug induced tantrum,
mental phantoms hold me for ransom,
So I Demand one last dance,
One last chance to forget the pain present in the past,
its been a blast but this is a future that cannot last.

Second Poem: I don't give a fuck, i am not picking up!

no more excuses,
I'll get thru this,
hungry for change,
watch me do this,
i don't give two shits,
call me foolish,
i am up in my head like Confucius,
i may look stupid,
but at least I'm not using,
reality is just as confusing,
i am used to losing,
i thought it was cool
to be twisted and bent,
i spent an arm and a leg,
but i was never content,
I'll give you my two cents
I need to vent my core,
i see that less is more,
I know that for sure,
just look at Brad before,
now i roar into war,
like a fucking dinosaur!
i want this so bad,
I'll make this flow snap,
and throw it back
for my homies up in ash,
you can put me on blast
as long as it lasts,
i feed off that shit,
I admit I am a hypocrite,
sick with it but getting better,
most nights my conscious light as a feather,
i will remember this pain for fucking ever!
I more than dabbled and quit,
now i scream fuck the establishment,
what is the matter with it?
people put to prison
a capitalized system
criminalizing an addict's mind,
for dollar signs is the vision,
exploiting a disease of decision,
They made a war on drugs,
we caught some convictions,
Labeled us whores and thugs,
They got what they scripted,
I am viciously descriptive,
They are consistently wicked,
Dismissing how i was living
i didn't fucking ask for this addiction!

(listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68qqo2DO5rQ)

LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Guardian of Shadows
Sierra Leone
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Thank you kicking things off gazellemon! 😀

Jade-Pandora
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Forum Posts: 5123

Kachina  (the first poem: rebelling from tradition)

Lining canyon walls are  
spirits of ancestors  
and the cosmos of their Kachinas.  

In the darkness of a new moon  
you let me drive your truck  
as you call out the way,  

RayBans perch on your cropped hair  
with speckled hawk feathers    
spinning in the wind.  

Over bridges that span gullies,  
riverbeds long parched by  
a drought never-ending since the  

memories of our great-grandfathers  
who stomped their feet and  
shed their skin when bone whistles blew.  

The pickup bounds headlong and you  
let out a war whoop while, spiraling  
in the moonless sky, bats fly unseen.  

Headlights over the wash pierce the  
swirling dust from the bridge that  
straddles forgotten sacred ground.  


A generation with no memory.


Dream Snare  ( the new poem: embracing tradition )
bawaajige nagwaagan

Ojibwe ancient story tells us
origin of web that catches dreams
woven by Asibikaashi,

the Spider Woman's willow hoops
with nettle fiber webbing loose,

protective charms, the spider webs
that hang from feathered cradle boards.

The bad dreams stay inside the web
to disappear when sunrise comes.

The good slide down where feathers hang
while she weaves as children slumber.

Her long dark hair lifts off her arms
from morning's subtle breath of sage.

The whisper from her slender wands
as swaying bracelets' chatter sings.

thecolorpurple
thecolorpurple
Strange Creature
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Joined 9th July 2016
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an Artist to an Artist
I mock the respect to give my fellow artists.
Your simple technique doesn't appeal to me.
Shall your lines and curves mimic the flow of your body,
Or do you wish to be as congruent as mine?
To be frank my putrid coworkers, your eyes are dull and I see no vision.
Hide behind your foolish paintings and I will forever be damned if
I call that art!

second poem reversed:

Art cannot not be mistaken nor wrong,
Is your animosity so much you cannot enjoy a challenge with your own friends?
My lines will follow the movement of my brush and the flow of my body,
Spread love so willingly, my dear shadow, we have all walked a different road.
My eyes only sparkle for those that find me in pleasant light,
come fourth and let me repent your sins.


LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Guardian of Shadows
Sierra Leone
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Joined 16th Apr 2013
Forum Posts: 3304

Thank you Jade and thecolorpurple for your contributions!

Artemios
Artemios
Thought Provoker
Greece
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Joined 11th Jan 2016
Forum Posts: 393

Assembling

Assembling,
you that you do all a whole
leave me alone
I want to be in separate pieces
all over the world and play dead
every time that somebody hurts me.
some person tried to complete me
and left me empty like virgin cross.

Please don’t help me
I need one of my hands
stuck on my head to hit the ones
who are trying to explode my mind
and the other one stuck on my chest
to hit the ones who are trying
to penetrate my heart vamps
either if they are something like a woman
or even something like a man.

When my masculine was born, I told him:

“You have to live your life
take advantage of all the cliches
relax and suck as much as you like”


When my feminine was born, I told her:

“You have to live your life
take advantage of all the cliches
relax and suck as much as you like”


As of me, I hope that now that I’m born
sucking has already been perfected.



**** In the following link you can find the original poem:

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/230126-assembling/


heart_forrent
heart_forrent
Twisted Dreamer
United States
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Joined 5th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 14

Second poem: I want to  die
Life is a huge fucking lie
Thoughts of suicide
Rather tempted
To try
Complemented
By my
Miserable life
I can only sigh
Life is a lie
Just let me die !



Original
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/237184-suicide-turned-backwards/

seekingkate
seekingkate
kateA
Tyrant of Words
Australia
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Joined 20th May 2014
Forum Posts: 2070

Flipped Script


Not My Destination


Looking out my kitchen window
A miserable rain filled day deepens this feeling
Of how blind I am to that I wish not to see

The sound of a motorbike fading
Reminds me of words I scribed last evening
A red wine in hand helping me…with what?
To cope with the beginning of the end?
To be honest with myself?
I thought not

Now I see
Venus may be in Leo
My purported love train may be at the station
But as the sound of the motorbike fades this morning
I realize you’re not my destination


© Kate Adams 14/7/16






First Poem



Venus in Leo
 

As the last vestiges of day fold
Night plays hide and seek for the blind

Red wine flows through my veins
The sound of a motorbike fades

Venus is in Leo
My love train has arrived

In my heart
I eagerly wait for you to alight


© Kate Adams 12/7/16




Jade-Pandora
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 5123

Fringe  (The first poem)

Confused in the wind of a thousand days
that carries the muezzin's prayer,
tremulous from atop a minaret standing
against the blue of nothingness,

ending with the tracer lights of ascending dusk
in the triple digits of heat
and the smell of blood and eucalyptus,

taking in the last of my breath with the
first of your kiss, you slide into me
and the white blossoms of birds rise with its scent
from off the slow current of the Euphrates.

The adrenaline rush finds a bullet puncture
meant for a nesting crane, and dissipates,
escaping into night that never goes completely
black from the brilliance of desert fringe,

while behind closed eyes comes the intense burst
of the color tangerine, and the drone of
dragonfly wings among the date palms, and an
otherworldly hush from the spillage of cascading sand.


Prayers  (The new poem)

Allah's call to prayers will soon wake the town
And the annoyed camels in morning's heat
Will growl like old men objecting to rise,
While young men are already gone hauling trade.

Where once it was green, and its shade blessed me,
And the graceful walks of girls in pairs
With laundry baskets perched on head scarves
I saw floating over our garden wall.

The soft titter of those two girls passing,
Blending, like water into tiled fountains.
My thoughts raised like prayers over the wall
To find children gathered at the spring.

But as I venture out onto the road
I see no girls. no children playing.
Hear only thunder from a giant's belly
And nothing left of the fresh garden colors.


(I'm not sure if you accept a second entry.)

case28
case28
Alexander Case
Dangerous Mind
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cut her      [old]

tortured image
beautiful pain
i agonise with acceptance of her
compulsion
to please her cutter
cutting her
cutting me


cradled
in the arms of her killer
a child eclipsed
tainted eyes
innocent witness of her lust for peril


as moses was bound to his people
the chosen one
to free the slaves
if only i could cut her
free



http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/116727-cut-her/



destroy her      [new]

restrained
apathy is the mending needle
that binds one to her master


i am the brother of cain
blood of the destroyer
the serpent carved into a stick and cast into the nile
the predator locked within an enigma


she is the unwanted beauty
neglected elegance
taking damage for protection
pure virgin mary overproof
washed up at the feet of her saviour


healing her
soothing me
i agonise to accept what i am


holding the torch to the earth
liberty
i am jambres
the dragon swallowing its tail
i am jannes


Written by Alexander Case

LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Guardian of Shadows
Sierra Leone
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Joined 16th Apr 2013
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Thanks to all who entered ... I'm seeking outside opinions on this and will let you all know in a day or two

LobodeSanPedro
LobodeSanPedro
Guardian of Shadows
Sierra Leone
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Joined 16th Apr 2013
Forum Posts: 3304

Thanks for bearing with my raucous schedule and that of my judges ...  

In the end the judges enjoyed Kate's clean clear lines in both pieces. As two judges put it "I've been there ... I've been her."

... one also echoed the same sentiment for Case's work, "been there ... been her"

Thank you all for submitting.

Salud

seekingkate
seekingkate
kateA
Tyrant of Words
Australia
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Joined 20th May 2014
Forum Posts: 2070

Truly, this is a surprise and a very pleasant one on this cold morning in Melbourne...thank you very much...
Congrats to you case and all who entered 😊

Artemios
Artemios
Thought Provoker
Greece
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Joined 11th Jan 2016
Forum Posts: 393

Congratulations Kate and to runners up!

Great comp! It's nice to go back to old poems and see them from a different point of view.
Congrats to all!
Thank you Lobo! :)

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