Thoughts. What's on your mind

Basket Case

One of those days,
I feel the need to yell,
To release,
No will to fight with
The demons,
Residing in my mind.
I beckon sleep to come to call,
But toils, and troubles want to
Play ball,
Knocking against my cranial walls.
No pressure,
Just the pain,
Before numbness,
Enter through my curtain,
Red carpet waltzing a jig,
Pillows fly feathers,
Normal weather,
My sanity close to severed
I run to silence,
To solitary confinement,
Back against stone,
Hiding from
What I all ready know.
In darkness
Pleas for light
Comatose me
My mind takes my place,
Filling every empty space.
Yep...
Its settled...
I'm a...
Basket Case!

Kiara  
 
i woke up too drunk to fake sick  
couldn't have stayed home anyway  
test today  
like I studied  

so here i sit  
watching the deconstruction of minds  
pretending to give a shit  
cool kids snarl at me  
confirming my non existence  
 
geek  
 
four eyed freak  
 
I ask a question I know there's no answer for  
just so I can justify getting high during recess    
better my 420 than dad's .44 blowing my mind  
 
there's been enough blood on the playgrounds  
 
Next day ...  
 
she tells me she's pregnant  
says I'm her favorite  
the only one who seems to care  
everyone likes my jokes  
she doesn't want to go home  
 
neither do I  
 
so we grade papers and talk  
tell her my mom was a teenage mother  
strongest woman I know  
 
more stories  
she laughs  
she cries  
 
asks me my name  
my real name  
 
why  
 
If it's a boy  
his middle name will be mine  
 
I walk her out  
Thank her  
 
Yesterday?  
 
That was then, today I was a teacher again

    BLACK  SOUL


Walking through my mind
For never will I find
The dial I must wind
My thoughts are to blind

What is all this coal
That eats at my soul
Darkness that is full
Is the price of this toll

Just to see the light
In the dark of night
This will be a fight
For this souls new sight

Is there truth or only lie
For this fire I live by
Could it all began to fry
Will I live or shall I die

[b]A rising of sorts, and a victory well spent /b]

one hundred years on
from when a bunch of poets
playwrights and visionaries
put their lives where their minds were
and built an army


and we'll be singing in the streets
in two weeks:
all things green, and damn
the English and their fucking queen
up Dev and Collins
and God save the pope
toor-a-loo

..one hundred years on
from when they swapped a crown
for the church
and swore to god they'd die
if need be
to see the people free

to see the people free

(amen. please don't hurt me father
I put all my money
in your wicker basket)

to be fair
there was no shortage of bravery
and for a time
Dublin belonged to the Irish
but it was short lived
and would've been lost in history
completely
we're it not for the executions
which ensued


so don't come singing to me
about a nation free

go sing to the homeless
or the victims of Magdalene's laundries
or the old folk
scared to death in their own homes
or the terminally ill
who've had their medical support
taken away
to pay the bank's losses

and when you're done singing
head on up to Derry
where the people live in a tinderbox
or walk down the falls road in Belfast
and sing songs of irish freedom
see how many times you die
before you hit the ground

pffft



(what I've been thinking about today)

How was your day ?

....well. since you asked...did you ever have one of those days...where you wake up late and your coffee maker overflows and you can't get your hair right and you cut yourself shaving ...BAD...and you can't find your glasses and the only clean socks are miss matched and your dog takes a crap on the floor and you step in it and you hurry out of the house ,after cleaning up the mess and it's raining and you didn't grab a jacket and you step in a puddle and your feet are soaked and you run your hand across your face in despiration when you realize you are still bleeding and now it's all over and you missed a spot shaving and you drop your keys in a mudd puddle and you get in your car and it won't  start..and your cell phone is dead....so you hail a cab and spend your last 17 dollars so you have nothing for a tip and the driver is pissed and he peels out as soon as you are out of the car and you walk into work over an hour late just to realize you don't work today....so you start walking the seven miles back home in the rain and you come upon an old homeless woman that takes one look at you and reaches into her cart and gives you her bag of cans...and you take it...now you are walking carrying the bag of cans ,still bleeding, soaking wet and a mangy dog runs up and starts biting your ankles...taking your left shoe....and you step in a hole and twist your ankle and smack your face off a fire hydrant giving yourself an instant black eye...and you get to the supermarket and start depositing the cans and the machine is full after like three cans so you have to go to the next one when you see the girl you have been casually flirting with for the last couple of months 'cause you really like her is coming out of the store and you know that she has seen you...and she feels bad and gives you a twenty and you know you are never ever going to get to show her your penis....and on the way out a car goes past and splashes gallons of dirty water all over you soaking the money you just got and the only taxi in the area is the one you just stiffed and now the wind stars blowing and you just sit down on the  nearest bench and give up....yeah that's the kind of day I am having

My mind trips like i have nothing to say,
But I start writing these bars its like I may find a way outta this maze,
I look up at the sky as I replay all the narrow escapes,
I look down at my body, I am covered in scrapes,
The struggle has been real man cause I got no cape,
my environment crumbled as I watched it like a video tape,
So I am stuck in a shuffle looking through the rubble for home plate,
I hear a chuckle cause some mother fucka out here relates,
We all tried to hustle and make up for mistakes we didn't even make,
but the fact remains; one stumble mean't trouble,
So we are left to fumble our way out of this tunnel,
So i got a couple of dreams i chase in vein,
"Maybe one day" I say so much it drives me insane,
bout to say fuck it I'm going to die this way,
Let myself cave into the landscape,
'Cuz Shit, I am too basic to change my complacence,
which contradicts that I am too egotistical to quit,
maybe I missed the meaning of being a human being,
The feelings that come with not being a machine,
Everyday is the same I am struggling to breath in peace,
In all reality I'm sinking faster than a submarine.
Between you and me I hate my hypocrisies,
I cry and scream because I am lost it seems,
But my self-esteem never seems to deplete completely,
Can you believe even if I could leave I may remain on the scene,
I am like a figurine stuck in a drawing;
This sheet of lose leaf is all I perceive,
these boundaries keep me down on my knees,
So I repeat this poem like it is all I know,
Just a John Doe and this is my home,
What can I do but just grow old,
Sit around and throw stones till i let it all go,
So i hope there is a life after this,
but I'll skip it if its the same bullshit,
Abandon ship this is no way to live,
I recognize my situation so I spit it like it is.

                                  What's On My Mind

I Have A lot That's On My Mind
A lot I Can't Explain
Like The Thoughts I Have While Trying To Sleep At Night
Or Getting This Done.
And How Will It Change

I Have So Much Going Through My Mind
Like Will I Have A good Day Or Will The Depression Will Flow Today
Will I Have Bad Thought?;

Or Will I Have Positive Ones
Will I Get Out More?;
Or Stay Inside Like A Bird in

I'm Wondering Will People Will Forgive Me On How I Made My Mistake
Or Get Moving Forward And Not Make That Mistake Again
How To Less make One Friend And Just getting out?;
And How To Be happy

Am I Good enough Or Not Good At All  
I Think In My mind,
Can people Love Me?;

Or Would they Hate Me,
Will People Keep Judging For Things I Did or Forgive And Help Me Through Whatever
I Have A lot That Goes Through My Mind
Although I Do My Best To Stay Focuses In Life Today.


Written: By Harley

It's good enough...
I can't show emotion, i must remain tough
Although i knew it would be hard
It is something i live through... clean or rough

I love being alone
sometimes i wish everyone was gone
but without everyone at my grasp
to me, my morality is known

If left alone, i think
about what, I don't know... it stinks
I'm alone too often though
and my feelings, they sink

I hardly get mad
for me to get angry, it would have to be for something bad
how dare he tell me these things
the things he can't take back

he violated her, my true love
the things he had to tell me of
the things he did... Why?
He couldn't stop talking... enough wasn't enough

Left by myself, i seethe
I know now what i can't un-see
I'm glad i know, so i know what happened
but it hurts, knowing what happened with he and she

those are my thoughts
things I think about, but wish I did not
My love for her grows
my friendship with him... It's gone

Love

I thought of you today
As I was  alone
you were away

waiting for the time to come
when I will see you again
to kiss your sweet lips
and tell you that I love you.....

Those are my thoughts today.
Love my kids,
love my husband,
love my family,
love my friends....
nothing but love
there is too much shit and pain
out there in this world
Today and many more
I give nothing but love

I thought about my ex
Contemplating if he ever even loved me

I thought about my father
And when I have to see him again

I thought about my grades
Going down in an earlier round swinging

I thought about love
If it even exists
Or if it's just an excuse for attention

I thought about suicide
And how easy it would be
No more problems
No more pain

I thought about my friends
How lucky I am to have them

And that's pretty much all I ever think about lately

I feel so happy.

I feel so happy,
cause today i got my friends,

They live in my head,
And there is nothing yet i can do.

They are so funny,
Everyday they make me laugh,

But i try to be serious,
Because i know they are imaginations.

They tell me, do this just for fun,
In exchange, you will get a joke for fun.

I try to shut em, but nothing still seems to work,
I keep thinking, something's wrong with me,

But i do know, there is nothing new about it,
And sometimes, i make them become my slaves.

I do lead them, tell them what to do,
How to make me laugh, day after day,

And all of this, keeps going on,
For i do not know, ages, i was just a little kid.

And I do think, to just ignore them,
And they come back, but a cannibal flower is waiting for them.

Subjective


I sometimes wonder,
If my passion for writing,
Is a integral part of my soul,
Dying to get out,
And expressing itself to the world...

Or whether I am just,
Subconsciously projecting,
My ego's hopes to be revered,
Even if its not who I really am...

I suppose,
Noone will know the difference,
Whatever it turns out to be,
Subjectively.

Acts of freedom in the Wild Thing

Today i took a walk
Deep in thought
And i heard a wild thrashing
Coming from inside a house

Scared me at first
And then
I see a bird
Banging against the window
On the inside of the dilapidated house

Her desperate flail against
The window
Caused a tear in my eye
And i felt the tremmor heart
Of its terrified
Of its trapped
Of its desperate desperate need

I understood state of caged
Of desperation
All too well
The state of a wild heart
Beat beating out of my chest

I felt its heart
And its fear
My blood pulsed crazy through body
And a rock
Found its way to my hand

And rock found its
Way through the window

It shattered
The frightened bird
Flew
At mid escape
Its panic trumped appreciation

The bird flew
At my head
And bloodied me there
With talons set on escape
And vengeance

And again. And again
My self spoke spoke loud
In my head
To take cover and hide
From birds of prey
To crush it for my pain

Compassion won the birds life
And in denial

I caught it
And caged it
And named it

I wanted to save it...

Little did I know that in dire straights
The bird would continue its assault

Blood lust had got him
And it would be my worth
He targeted