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Poetry competition CLOSED 11th September 2015 7:50am
WINNER
mysteriouslady
View Profile Poems by mysteriouslady
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Write something laughable

poet Anonymous

Poetry Contest

Write a poem or something to make laugh.
Old or new.
Not more than 2 entries.
Can be about anything also sex.



poet Anonymous

That hole.

Babe be carefull it is my first time!
So i don't have to use condom.
Of course i took no pills!
I know what you took.
Her first time, look what an hole.

http://s4.postimg.org/448qh9o2l/10420065_806796432740254_5109403965563556967_n2.jpg

poet Anonymous

Save it.

Catch him!!!
No!
The pussy is better than the beer!!!!
You bet.
Dam she pushed me into the water.
I have to save it!
Did i save it?!
Yes i did!!
Give me a medal.

http://s22.postimg.org/6l7sdlrbl/11953239_900595473360349_1448637510964109949_n2.jpg

lepperochan
Craic-Dealer
Guardian of Shadows
Palestine 67awards
Joined 1st Apr 2011
Forum Posts: 14449

..just checkin you haven't made this thread topic by mistake. may as well figure it out now before anymore poets start posting their stuff

an assurance of commitment would be nice

Doctor: " and tell me, do you have a history of serious illness"

...I don't know, doctor. if you like I can ring home and ask someone to go check the bookcase, but you really should think about buying your own litriture at this stage of the game

doctor: " quite. so you'll need to cut out salt, do you understand what that means"


...pretty much. you're saying don't eat anything again ever. I mean, there's salt in everything so you may as well have just told me to quit breathing altogether. maybe I should, I'm bound to now anyway seeing as I have to starve myself to death so I can live longer

I'll tell you what, when I feel myself heading towards the light I'll clasp hold of A history of eating disorders, so you won't have to go to the trouble of waking me from the dead to as me if I have it

poet Anonymous

It's been over 20 years since I had to house hunt and, man, I am learning realtors are big bullshitters.

Examples:

* "new listing" means they've had it on market before and just relisted it (for the umpteenth time. I've seen the listing several times in the past three months. Nothing has changed except now the photos are blurrier.)

The homes are almost always near 100 years old. Some have no air conditioning. (How do elderly survive temps over 100? Oh... I see house has had over a dozen former owners. Probably all dead.)

A "second bathroom" is just an open commode and old cement laundry trough in the daaaark basement.

A "second bedroom" can be located in the tiny tree house in the back yard...or the old, not yet converted garage.

a single, 'expensive" bathroom doesn't always have a bathtub. (that was a house next to a country club golf course! They had everything updated but forgot a bathtub.)

floors don't always meet the walls and that's not lovely flora growing  in the corners.

a "game room" of 24' X 50' is probably the attic. Especially suspicious when there are no photos of it in the listing. Ghost games.

...I still haven't learned what "asbestos" finish is on a home. Metal, wood, vinyl, stucco, brick I am familiar with...but asbestos are dangerous to breathe, right?

Sister is supposed to be looking at a couple of the houses we thought passable, but yesterday she threw a disk in her back. Realtors don't respond to emails. and we have three or four on the hunt for us. "leave a message" is the call of the day.  Damn they are slow.

Hubby is getting too desperate to find a home and getting wacko again. Gotta watch that he doesn't start telling realtor he's interested in the dumpster on dead end road.

(why the hell is spellchecker telling me there's no such word as 'realtor' ?! It keeps underscoring it in red. LOL.)






seekingkate
kateA
Tyrant of Words
Australia 28awards
Joined 20th May 2014
Forum Posts: 2079

Oh No.....


a meeting of importance
feeling, looking good
a stroll down a block and a half
to order coffee, sitting outside
talkative, expressive
till her eyes looked down and
something strange caught her eye
a realization
had she?
surely not?
she bent over
pretending to look in her bag
she had
oh no…
she smiled
what the fuck
if someone asks,  I’ll just reply
‘I like to be different…’
and smile
she’d put her dress on inside out





archetype23
Tyrant of Words
United States 7awards
Joined 5th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 3672

Ode to the dying liver

Liver, sweet liver
it seems in my dreams
that I see your fair quiver,
your slick greasy gleams,
Liver come hither
and sit at my side
Liver it's dire
that you must survive

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
122awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16067

Laughing out a Riot

he is laughing out a riot
because he can
and he is not an idiot
if only he is

he made wall street cry
and the nation die
and he still long
for Miss American Pie

he has a swollen coffer
reaped from the poor
he has nothing to offer
but wants to have more

he is the prince
of a huge dunghill
a heap of discards
his crown askew

he laughs
as the levee is dry.

BoFantastic
Thought Provoker
7awards
Joined 24th Apr 2014
Forum Posts: 333

Library Atmosphere

she farted
in the library.
at first, many giggles.
then chairs screeched,
a stampede of stammering feet.
she farted
in the library
something fierce.

calamitygin
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Tyrant of Words
United States 28awards
Joined 22nd June 2015
Forum Posts: 2047

Cumming Attractions ! extreme content !
You loved her erotica, 🍒
Made you hot.
Your cock shot inspired,
A my cunt production starring.....
Vulva Exotica ⭐⭐⭐  
Queen of sexy scream!
Cumming on one screen,
In your world!
An action adventure thiller,
Just short of spilling.
4 incredible shots!!!!
Vulva E. spread wide,  
showing silky slick to hood,  
Skillfully flicking her bud.
Around that sweet pink wet clit  
Finding her love hole!!!!!
Twat ⭐ Twat⭐Twat⭐Twat  
 
Reviews just in.....
He gives Vulva two probing fingers way up!!

calamitygin
Jennifer Michael McCurry
Tyrant of Words
United States 28awards
Joined 22nd June 2015
Forum Posts: 2047



Order for two

Saw this girl crossing Kearney,  
a sexy style all her own.  
Though no doubt, the clothes were cheap.
But not on her.  
Somehow, this chick, in her 5 dollar shoes walked liked petals should be tossed at her feet.  
Head high, tits forward, and with such purpose.  
And hell, she was just going to the  chinese place across the street.
Suddenly i got real hungry for wontons.  
And let me tell you,
Was wellll worth the buck fifty to hear her speak.
"I'd like sum hawt n sour soup 'n a orda of crayub rayngooon y'all. Purty purty puleeez."  
Ha! Her voice was like candy,  a drawl like molasis, it was so sexy southern suhweet.  
At that moment, i felt myself looking down this sweet things curves, like she was a piece of god damn meat!  
So i say, "hey doll, i want rangoon too, but i really cant eat 8.  
How bout splittin an order it would be on me, please, i'd love to treat?"
And when we made eye contact!  
Oh yeah, she was down.  
Was gonna fuck her till we were both weak.  
She says "Wayul oh my gawsh, you're justa bout the best thang my little ol sayulf could meet!"
I say "Doll, youve got that right. How bout chinese to go, and gettin a hotel suite?"  
I swear she actually batted her eyes and said to me coyly "Ain't got no where else to be!"
I Checked us in, and by the time i got to the room, this chick was naked from lovely head to purrrfucked feet!  
My god she was stunning, a yummy curved body and a plump llittle pussy that was shaved bare and just beggin to be eat.
She jumped into bed, jumped right in after her and we licked, sucked and humped like two howling kittens in heat!  
So i guess my friends, the moral of the story, i highly recomend the crab rangoon for two at Jade east.

lepperochan
Craic-Dealer
Guardian of Shadows
Palestine 67awards
Joined 1st Apr 2011
Forum Posts: 14449

mothers are getting so young these days. It must be tricky for a mid wife to decide which end if the chord to snip...

blocat
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 9awards
Joined 1st Nov 2012
Forum Posts: 241

Childish Pleasures
 
They stole a bike him and his twin brother
Then got caught by the owner’s mother
She boxed their ears, sent them home
They told their mum, had a moan
Mother said you pair are dumb
Just wait until your granny’s come
Granny threw them over her knee
A powerful mighty woman she
Ripped down their trousers arse’s bare
Slapped them both with equal share
Red of arse and redder faces
Pulled up pants restored their braces
That was a bad thing you two done
For god’s sake grow up your forty one!

blocat
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 9awards
Joined 1st Nov 2012
Forum Posts: 241

Written to a strict 300 word limit for another site.

Unscrupulous

To Warren R Sowle a director of Tawle Storey & Phibbs (Personal Investment Advisors) Mrs Steeles epitomised the wealthy lonely widow. Grey haired, trusting, sitting cat in lap, her knitting beside her. After a slick presentation Sowle closed the deal.

‘You see Mrs Steeles’ he simpered ‘with building land in Brazil on the edge of an urban sprawl and the population growing exponentially the value can only rise.’

Her unworldly blue eyes radiated excitement above half moon spectacles ‘Oh yes Mr Sowle I do see.’

She poured more tea ‘Well then I’d better do it Mr Sowle my grandchildren are going to university soon and the monthly income is absolutely crucial to me. ’

Sowle’s nefarious heart sang as he swung his laptop towards her. He had, of course, neglected to mention the land was useless swampland. ‘You can access your account from here Mrs Steeles, transfer the money right away before the share price goes up yet again’ he smiled obsequiously.

‘Oh dear I can’t use one of those’ she produced a Coutts Bank cheque book; his eyes lit up. One needed half a million just to open an account with the Queen’s bankers.

Sowle’s bladder had been steadily filling throughout the meeting and now he was desperate ‘may I use your lavatory Mrs Steeles?

‘Certainly, it’s in the hall, I’ll be making out the cheque.’

‘Mrs Steeles? Mrs Steeles I can’t seem to get out.’

‘One moment Mr Sowle’ minutes ticked by.

‘Mrs Steels?’

‘Sorry dear, arthritis, makes me rather slow. I’ve been meaning to get that catch fixed.’

                                                                  *******

‘How did it go mother?’ gone the grey wig, spectacles and twenty years.

‘Brilliantly darling everything needed was in his laptop; took him for £452,000.  I even got paid for the house sitting. That diuretic worked wonders in his tea.’

Cannaballester
Thought Provoker
United States 1awards
Joined 3rd Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 112

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