Tell me about your PET

I just finished hosting a challenge called dogs & pups ... So in fairness to those who may have other types of animals in their lives - here's a chance to write about your cat or goat or miniature pig or iguanas.

In my time I've had snakes, tarantulas and birds.  As a kid I wanted to own a lion and a dolphin.  Don't laugh the lion thing is easier than you think ...

http://bigcatrescue.org/buy-a-big-cat/

- NEW writes please
- Any format
- No collaborations
- No imaginary pets like unicorns or flying dragons that spit fire, unless you can provide documentation of yourself with said pet

Have fun!

.:Caribbean Dan:.



Me gotta lizard who’s a wizard, his name is Dan
He does what he does. He’s from the Caribbee -AN
He don’t make NO noise. He don’t play with toys
Things get erratic. He smokes his Viceroys
Me hold 'em to his lips. His lips are very small
Puffs what he can;  Butt’s.. Me don’t puff at all
Surprised he doesn’t choke. Those puffs are awful rough
He chills in the attic once he’s sure he’s had enough.
He navigates me ceilings. He slithers along me walls
Dan can get high, but never seen ‘em fall
Dan is Island Green, loves-accepts it well
Unlike the dog & cat with whom he doesn’t gel
He likes to smack me drum; he plays it with his tail
This lizard that’s a wizard, he sips Jamaican Ale
Dan has his own space, but me know he yearns for home
Caribbe -AN, white sand where there he’s not alone


((((( O )))))

Thanks for kicking things off kriticool - Dan gives a whole new meaning to Puff the Magic Dragon.

PORNO PARROT


Porno Parrot
Graduation present
Africa Grey
Not hand raised

Named ET
AKA ‘Sir Shits-A-Lot’
A 30 year war
Of Love and Hate

I was the only one
You’d let hold you
Anyone else you bit
To a living shit
And occasionally you’d
Give me a good nip
You dandruff flaked SOB!

And your jealousy was unbearable
Seek and destroy flights
You viciously attack
Two of my girlfriends
So badly they both bled

Worse thing about you
You’d never shut-up
But you’d never repeat
Anything I’d try to teach

The countless hours
And wasted peanuts
Repeating "ET Phone Home"
But how you savored
Humiliating me with your vile tongue
“You're, nothing but a damn fool”
Just to hear my friends laugh at me
“Thanks a lot A-Hole!”

But what I could never overcome
Was your persistent explicit
Sounds of congress complete with
Dialogues between me and my lovers
Your presence was not conducive
To a healthy sex life

At least twice there was the ultimatum
“It’s either me, or that fucking bird!”
I always chose you, and I don’t know why

I hated you,
Yet, I loved you
And I when a kind heart
Offered to take you
When I was near death
I gave you away

When I left the pet shop
You called out my name
In the voice of my departed mother
I couldn’t look back
I cried like a baby for days

Please don’t hate me
Because I still love you
And every night I keep you in my prayers
And sometimes I cry and say out loud
“ET please phone home!”

Loving the entries folks - keep em coming!

FAT BASTARD


i live in a rainforest setting
i’m level with the trees
the snakes are my companions
along with the birds and bees

snakes...well, they just love me
they won’t ever leave
home is party central
for these monsters and me

i’ve taken to naming them
dave finds this a scream
when he comes to catch them
and transport them for a fee

fat bastard greeted me one Sunday morning
he was sunning himself ensconced on a beam
he smiled at me as only a snake can do
and greeted me with a

‘well...hello my lovely...it's a beautiful day,
wouldn't you agree?’

'it was, till i saw you...now fuck off...'

do you think he listened?
i’m afraid not

so in comes dave with his bag and his stick
fat bastard looks past him and gives me a wink
he’s not going willingly, he twists and he turns
but dave has a win and fat bastard’s binned

he’s bloody big, he’s over three metres
thank god, my home is no longer his
but that didn’t stop him
sending out the message  
telling the others to visit till he returns home

I’m the pied piper of snakes
they visit me regularly
my home's jokingly called Katey's Ark
 
they're very polite when they come a knocking
 
‘we hear you have great accommodation,
we’d like to make a reservation…’

ground rules are given

‘don’t drop on me from the rafters…
or visit my bedroom in the dark of night…’

they form a circle, discussion held
they choose a 'spokesnake' who says

'yeah, all right...'
 
the deal is done
my home is their home
at least for the present
but if there's one wrong move
they're out on their own

Conversations With My Cat


Cat:  Is it time to eat, yet?

Me:  Just a minute, my Honey-Boy; Mommy’s finishing her own dinner, then I’ll get you, yours.

Cat:  Well, how ‘bout I get up on your lap and swipe my tail across your face—you can take a hint, right?  Mmm—your dinner looks good;  maybe I’ll eat yours instead….

Me:  Just don’t do that when he’s around… you know what he’ll say.

Cat:  Yeah, I know.  But you’re not gonna tell on me, right?  He doesn’t give me nearly as much attention as you do.

Me:  There, Cutie-Pie—did that taste good? Let Mommy give you a smooch on your nose.

Cat:  Oh, I love it when you rub your nose on mine!  Do it! Do it!  Yes!  And—oh wait… you have a bit of food on your lip;  let me just lick that off for you.  Mmmmmm.

Me:  Ok, let’s get you your own food.

Cat:  It’s about friggin’ time.  Ooof!  Dammit—I always walk into that clock, whenever I’m chasing you down the hall.

Me:  Silly Boy!  You always look at Mommy, and never where you’re going—is your head alright?  You bumped it pretty hard this time.

Cat:  Yeah, I’m fine—can we go outside now?

Me:  Would you like to go outside on your leash?

Cat:  Um….I just asked you that…..

Me:  Let’s get your leash on—and no eating the grass in the yard.

Cat:  You tell me that every time, and I still eat it.  I’m gonna leave you a present this time, too, just like all the other times;  that grass sure helps grease up the hairballs so I can gak them up better.

Me:  Ready?  

Cat:  Yeah!  Yeah!  Let’s go!

Me:  Ah, isn’t this a beautiful day?  It’s just you and me, again.

Cat:  It’s always you and me;  he’s never around much, when you’re at work at night.  He goes off and leaves me alone, and when he is around, he’s always on the phone.  Who the heck’s he talking to?  You should hear some of the stuff he says.

Me:  I’m glad it’s finally Spring—I’ve been wanting to take you outside, all winter, but there’s been too much snow.

Cat:  Yeah, yeah—me too; I really wasn’t up for freezing my paws off on the ice, but did you hear what I said?

Me:  I love you too, Kitty-Boy!

Cat:  Oh, I love it when you rub my belly—let me roll around some more….ahhhhh!  But now you really need to have a talk with him, and soon;  it isn’t right you know.  Even I can see that, and I’m a cat.

Me:  Ah, my Baby—if only every day were this warm and easy.

Cat:  *SNIFF!*  I smell things…. Other cats….. rabbits….. grass!  You know I’ll always go where you go—well, except the Vet;  I don’t like the Vet, and I’ll fight you on that one every time, but the rest is all good;  I don’t care where we end up, as long as you keep letting me get away with being the Supreme Ruler, I’m cool.  But you really have to decide---omigod, omigod, butterfly!!

Me:  Kitty-Baby, you have no idea how good you have it.  Ah, to be a cat…

Cat:  Seriously??

Me:  Well, what do you say—time to go back inside?

Cat:  No.  I like it out here, but I’ll go back in if I can sleep across your knees;  I am actually a little tired.

Me:  There we are, let’s snuggle up for a bit.  I wish I had all the answers and could see what I’m supposed to do.

Cat:  I just gave you the answers.

Me:  It’s so easy, being a cat.

Cat:  No, no it isn’t—I can never quite reach that spot on the back of my neck, when I lick-bathe myself, and you try shitting in a litter box, but I do love you, Mommy, and think about what I said.

Me:  I love my Kitty-Boy.

Cat:  I’m gonna want to eat again, when I wake up—just so you know.

ML, I absolutely love this. I was going to write something similar about our cat, but oh well, yours is awesome.

HadesRising said:ML, I absolutely love this. I was going to write something similar about our cat, but oh well, yours is awesome.

Thanks Hades! Write yours anyway!

http://i1317.photobucket.com/albums/t623/curlycue23/thB40JRWB9_zpsap7deoiv.jpg

IN PRAISE OF EDIBLE PETS

Pets are like lovers
Some relationships
Workout better
Than others

So to mitigate
From the stress
Of love’s failures
Let me suggest

Love nothing but
Edible pets
Why rehome
What you can
Eat instead?

“Mommy, what happened to Porky, my little pet piggy?”

“Oh snugglebuck don’t you fret.  He went to visit other pigs on another farm a few miles from here.  He’ll be back someday.  Now sweetheart, finish eating your bacon.  You’ve got to go feed the chickens.”

http://i1317.photobucket.com/albums/t623/curlycue23/COMMITMENT-the-bacon-and-eggs-story_zpspemdfzda.jpg

~My dog died.


Memories of here he comes
You had that playful soul

Damn you! My only friend
On the road you met an end
Gone into a resting ground

Dug a whole to put you in
Inside a special spot of mine
Everyone said you were a mischief
Dog of day gone by, why'd you have to die?



Dedicate to my first dog, he just came up one day, i didn't even name him, he was a bulldog, he was hit by a chicken truck and crawled in the woods I found him the next day barely breathing I set by him and he died 'bout ten minutes later :(

BANSHEE

This is the silver cat whose shadow
is never seen, save by the moon,
or by her kin, who are all gone,
all turned to screams under the far meadow.

This is the moon who’s lost, a stone
tumbling through space, save for the cat,
whose mad stare made stars, worlds forget
their iron paths, forged when they were born.

Then capture this: tighten the knot.
This is the face: of my one true love.
Your blood in my mouth: will this be enough?
It’s only the dust: breathe in, breathe out.

Again those stately planets move
their enigmatic allegretto.
I trace your shape, fading at my window.
Yours is the face of my one true love.

(Banshee is a silver feral who lives in the back field, but I feed her and she comes in to shelter during the winter)'.
© professoryackle (Sara Pitt) All Rights Reserved

She knows when I'm home
Sometimes she actually doesn't
Her meows echo through my room
Whether I'm there or not

She has different meows for when she needs water or food
Or just looking for some attention
Always looking for food when the fridge opens
Or when someone walks in the kitchen

When I'm sitting on the lounge
She walks all over me like she owns me
Goes on the back of the lounge to clean my hair
Not that it needs it most of the time

Pretty sure she knows when I'm feeling down
She'll just come and sit on my lap and meow at me
Sits on my chest and rests her head on my shoulder
And all I can do is rest my head on her

Such a wonderful cat I own
Always there to cheer me up when I need it
Not like many other cats I hear about
My cat is unique, and I love my cat