EASTER IS CANCELLED, THEY FOUND THE BODY

Well, Easter is cancelled so what to do? Give me a short, funny poem in theme with this. Enter as many times as you want but indulge my heathen side.

One week

No way Hades, I've got to sit this one out, as I'm a repentant sinner who is in all probability going to burn in Hell.  Of course that is if there is such a thing.  Bad enough I great everyone with a "bah-hum-fuck" during the Christmas season, but if I jump on this Easter egg, any remote chance of being saved from the fire below will surely disappear.

But I do encourage all the Saints of DU, who can afford to be naughty, to enter this competition.  As I'm so looking forward to reading their entries.

"Good Luck Bud!"

Awwweee. Sorely disappointed but understandable.

Holy Crap

Well, not many know this,
but on the first Easter morn
the story is nothin' like that one
when Jesus Christ was born.

There was a bunny diggin'
cuz that's what bunnies do
when they're not busy nibblin' or
havin' threeway hoppity screws.

Poor bunny dug up Jesus
from his resurrection nap.
His poor heart nearly stopped
and he pooped a few bunny craps.

Well, Jesus brushed the dirt off,
saw fur tremblin' at his feet.
"Aww bunny, those smell real bad,
lemme work them up a treat."

He passed his hand once over
the green grass with morning dew
where the bunny poops lay stinkin'
and what happened next is true.

Bunny turned and saw an egg,
it left him quite dumbfounded.
It was made of chocolate
with a lovely ribbon round it.

"There," said Jesus, "all sorted.
Happy Easter, go light a candle.
I'll see ya here next year,
same holy time, same channel."





Hope it's worth the lightening bolt up the ass.

That awesome, Ataki. Thanks for the laughs and starting us off.

On a completely unrelated subject: due to the increased lightning activity, I have extremely frizzy hair. Can any recommend a good conditioner?

I suggest you try a keratin leave in conditioner :).
I originally posted a submission but it didn't really follow the criteria lol.
So I hope the hair tip helps and makes up for my incompetence haha

did you hear the news
Jesus is back with only a bruise
when Jesus  found his nirvana he kicked Chuck Norris's butt
in a battle

Easter is canceled, do you know why?
It's because the Easter bunny has died,
Santa wanted to make sure he was the best,
What did he do next? Can't you guess?
Santa found his gun and his knife,
And he set out to take the Easter Bunny's life,

Santa rode Rudolph to Eastervile,
He ready to make the kill,
Santa snuck into the bunny's burrow at night,
He shoot the gun and stole the Easter Bunny's light,
The bunny cried but Santa showed no mercy,
He murdered Easter in a hurry,

The police however, caught him,
Now Santa is being convicted for his sin,
So Santa did get Easter canceled as you already knew,
Although Santa's in jail so Christmas is canceled too,

The Golden Eggs Of Iniquity: The Story of Hershey’s Origins

“My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.”
Song of Solomon 5:4

And into thy hand, spilled out their contents
whereupon I said to my Beloved
“Go thee, to the Dung Gate,
laden with the treasure of my insides,
for the prophecy of the Christ is at hand.”

My Beloved made haste to the city walls
where the lepers hath communed.
“Behold!”  said he, the lover of my soul,
“Take of this dung, and fashion it into eggs,
for the Lord thy God hath commanded thy healing.”

The lepers, at once, took of the filth
and rolled it ‘twixt their palms, molding it into ova
as if from the fowl.

“Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord.”  Philemon 1:20

The lepers cried, as more eggs they did fashion,
and when they had exhausted all of the dung,
they waited upon the Lord, and the Lord did appear,
resurrected as one from the Cross.

“His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” Matthew 25:23

And the lepers were healed, for their obedience to the Lord,
and behold, the  dung-eggs they had fashioned,
shone as gold in the light,
as if jewels, deceiving the eye at their brilliance.

“Go thy way, healed ones,” spake the Christ
“and give unto thine enemies who would curse thee,
these eggs of gold, that they may sup of them and take ill,
spilling their own bowels for their iniquities.  I give to you the keys
of the Kingdom of Hershey,
for thy sons, and thy son’s son’s generations shall profit from thy faithfulness,
and whosoever curseth thee in my name,
shall be smote with the bloating of the insides.”

“Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels…..For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.” Philemon 1:12, 7

And in the Season of the Passover, we reflect upon the obedience of our forefathers,
in payments of homage
to the Kingdom of Hershey,
for the chocolates of today, hath been the dung of the yesterdays,
and we are reminded of our own iniquities
by the fatted thighs bestowed upon us
for having supped too much of the golden eggs
shat from the Lord of Hosts.


“For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ.”  Philippians 1:8

You guydls missing one important fact... jesus ddnt need his mortal body..m it died he came back in his astral body.. i suggest anyone who's interested read Mystic Christianity by yogi Ramacharaka..

RavenofSorrow said:You guydls missing one important fact... jesus ddnt need his mortal body..m it died he came back in his astral body.. i suggest anyone who's interested read Mystic Christianity by yogi Ramacharaka..


Jesus' mortal body was raised as immortal, in a "resurrection" body, so he kept his original Earthly body, but it was changed into that which does not perish, found here in 1-Corinthians:

http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/book.php?book=1+Corinthians&chapter=15&verse=&t=1

But--not to turn this into a debate, as this is a competition, I'm just stating my own view.  

Carry on!

Actualy i read it it only stated thete was a natural body and a spiritual body.. it ddnt say he turned the physical body into a spiritual body.. this view ib believe contradicts jesuses own teachings... people put too much emphasis on phisical bodies.. but i understand.. but i wan to challenge you to read th at book. You cant make judgments on a book you havnt read yet.  

If Jesus was the Easter bunny walking through my house
I'd grab my gun tell him get the fuck out
He ain't got a right to be tresspassing
Leave the candy for the kids
And your creepy for when they're napping
Don't care if it's stupid don't care at all
I don't like a bunny that's fucking 6feet tall
So shove your candy crap right back up your ass
Cause if you come back to my house
Trust me you'll be a dead bunny laying in the grass

I used to drink with the guy whose job it was to push rocks
across cave entrances
back in the day

he told me a story about some jew-dude
who slipped him a few sheckles
to grease one particular rock right up
afore he pushed it home

he reckoned rocks push real easy
when ya grease 'em

'nother time he told me about a magic trick he seen
where this same jew-dude would hide bread in his clothes
and give it out like it was coming from nothin'

my guy reckoned jew-dude never paid for a room his whole life
with all his cripple-curing and such...
but then jew-dude, he hit the big time
made his big hangin'-by-his-hands play
and ran for India with all the cash
that his whore collected for him...

man, I never heard such a good tale

sure sounds like that jew-dude was a handful...

'round here best we got is my old preacher
when I was a kid he used to have us sit beside him
and reach into his hat he sat on his lap
and we'd stroke the bald rabbit he had in there...
poor little thing used to throw up if you really got going on the stroking
and then the preacher would reach behind our ear
and find a lolly for us

....any fucker in robes, gotta watch 'em...
and if you kill one
to be real sure
go right ahead
and kill 'em again

I hope you're posting this one on your profile H.  I want to list it, I've said for a long time he was nothing more than a magician, fooling the fools (no offence to the believers)

Sorry for gatecrashing.  Back to the comp.