Who are you?

I view myself neurotic
A functional psychotic
I want to be despotic
Of thoughts that are iconic
Wonderfully quixotic
And my thoughts are chaotic
My writing semiotic
Hopefully are melodic
Searching meanings symbolic
But not too idiotic
My perception ironic
A functioning psychotic

I often go to a place where no one else can go
And swim in thoughts within myself; hoping answers will show

Just who is it that I am?  That is the question of the day
There is more to my physical being on earth, I hear many say

Trying for a minute to figure out just what that can mean
Is not easy to understand, from what I have seen

I’ve done kind things for some and come to the rescue of others
But most of my life, people have kept their distance; they do know the answer and try not to bother

Just when I think that I know myself so well
Something evil removes rational thought, and I do things and seem destined for Hell

I have intellect, I am capable of love, and I feel pain
But, I live inside a shell; trying to stay sane

Choices, behaviors, opinions of thought
Are conscious and borne out of reasoning, most from cues that my head got

Modeling others, remembering how, as a young girl, I was treated
Mostly make the person I am today, and keep me, at times, feeling defeated

But the person inside of me will never be shown
She is someone that no one will ever really have known

in this life at least.  Perhaps in a future place
the secret will come out, and as I go toward the answer; I feel like I’m in a race

Sure, I can tell stories about my past
But beyond that, after I die, I doubt any of them will last

To say who I think I am right now at this time
I could never provide answer, because it is individually sublime

No two people are the same, inside or out
They are as unique as their personalities that come about

From my heritage, I know that I am Italian and French
But beyond that, is anyone’s guess

I’ve been a negotiator, a educator, and a fiery feminist fighter
And I’ve told myself I can’t change anything, I’m too old now, so I’m happy being a spectator

So look at me and tell me what you see
And I will most likely accept your answer and agree