Tell me your story

You want to hear a story,
A tale of horror, or redemption.
Lets go back to when I was five years old,
I had no friends, but plenty of troubles and woe.
To when I was judged by my bruises and torn up clothes.
When I was afraid to go home.

How about when I turned ten,
still no friends, and the abuse didn't end.
Not afraid to walk the streets at night,
Not afraid of the thugs standing under the streetlight.
But fear crept up my spine when i was at "Home",
My only escape was burying my head in tomes.

One more jump after this,
Sixteen and suffering from homelessness.
Drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes,
Hiding from the pain of the abandonments,
No mother or father to care,
Living a life is never fair.

Last one, the best one.
Nineteen and free,
From all those evil things,
And no more fear from those beings.
Redemption came as an enlistment,
Soon to be a solider, with no regret.

Well I come from a long line of witches, no joke.
We have a family curse crossed with a spell, born centuries ago.
We all have a love affair that we cant break free from.
Some of us are good at keeping it hidden, but I embrace it.
Never hold back the urge.
Blood and pain. Torture and abuse.
I fancy them mad, I engage in their use.
Slashing strangers with a cold knife.
Then hanging them half dead from a noose.
If they found my secret place in the woods off the common path,
I wonder if theyd show my decorated tree on the news.
The branches barley able to hold all the weight.
Cats and dog covering the smaller ones.
Cuz the men and children would make the branches break.
And my basement oh my cellars my favorite place.
Chains and shackles, ropes and weights.
I can never get as much out of the torture as I want.
Every time I get close to enough they die.
I wish you could see their eyes, all their love going to waste.
Hear their screams of innocent pleas.
Watch their life as it leaves them.
Feel their bodies, the dissipating heat as they turn cold, colder than me.
This is a kind of love I have for them to wish you just not akin.
I love taking the weak in, torturing then making them deceased.

Death crawled

The horror in my eyes
still haunted my dreams

the silence still wrapped
its hands around my neck

and I thought I was stronger
than that.  



You.



That dagger still ripped through,
still twisted my rebelling guts

into crumpled soliloquies
that writhed in bitterness

where strange red ribbons
danced with the stained lace below.

I imagined how a gun would sing
to choirs suspended in the air

how the cracks in the windows
evoked vicious whispers-

how death was merely
the sleep I craved

between pills
and closing doors.

ill be back for this one

(Hope old poems are okay)

My Therapist

My therapist asked about my past again
Where would I even begin?
From the very start I never had a chance
Daddy knew he loved me at first glance
 
Wake and bake
Then he’d bring out his snake
A quick glass of gin
Glazed eyes and a drunken grin
 
“Lie still baby, hush”
“Don’t worry it won’t hurt much”
For five years I was daddy’s little slut
Then I became mommy’s little nut
 
A blade always to my skin
Left me with no where to fit in
And wounds to deep to mend
Made self-harm my only friend
 
Then I fell for a boy named John
And now he’ll never truly be gone
That day will forever haunt my dreams
The day everyone ignored my screams
 
He watched as they held me down
Each taking a turn pounding my mound
Even with condoms there’s always a maybe
And four months later I miscarried a baby
 
I relive it all every night in my sleep
But these are my secrets to keep
So I could never tell her all this
Who does she think she is? My therapist?

My Story

My story starts out original at best
Just a little girl put through multiple tests
A home there or here
Is my home anywhere?

But girl now you're grown,
Each trial is your own
A tale of endometriosis
Born that of sickness,
Can't stand, can't walk
But no one listens to my talk
The pains so great,
But all I get is hate
I had me a son though
Little did I know,
He would be all I had
As I write on this pad
A tale of hell
No one believed id fell
Through pain love and misery
Yeah you're hearing my history
A life of pain,
Also a life of gain
My tale has made me strong
I'm going to live long
Overcome every obstacle
Didn't need no oracle
I write my destiny
Don't need anonomisity
I am who I am
None of you understand,
I've been through death and adversity
So let me rhyme my story
You'll never truly know the depth
As I take every agonizing breath
My life is mine
Who's got the time to whine
Breathe in breath out,
Yeah ill figure it out
I always have, I always will
I've got the keys to seal
So as I end this short story
Just know what will be will be.

- The candle that loved the bonfire -

The last picture I have of you in my mind was with blood on your lips
the way you smiled and told me not to be afraid
even though you were the one dying

How my hands felt too small as I tried to catch the life that was running out of you and put it back
but it just kept slipping through my fingers

My last memory of you was holding my hand as we walked together
not that we were in love
just because you were my friend and I liked knowing you were always right there

Telling stories about ghosts that dwelled in the halls of our school as we sat in detention together
for a fight we never started

When you rescued me
but all the teacher saw was you
with blood on your fist
and me
right there beside you

When you came to school with bruises
but still smiled

You fell at the park you would say and laugh
a laugh that made your eyes sparkle
like you read about in romantic books

But I knew

You never fell

You were the grace in my awkward silence of a life
you flew when I crawled, smiled when I could only look on in awe and wonder how
how the park was never the reason you came carrying your own pain as much as mine

Could still say you loved the man badly playing the part of a father
though really he was just a man that lived with your mother

When he was the reason you lied to our teacher
that you had fought with your brother
the reason you had come to me with an eye so black is was nearly shut

I never told you I knew you were an only child

I watched in awe of how you could love so intensly and completely that nothing ever touched your heart
not even when it broke your skin

I watched your life burn like a bonfire
beautiful and intense
you were the passion in everything

I was a candle flame beside your light
flickering with fear and doubt
but your spirit never dimmed
and your warmth gave me hope

Be strong you said
be brave and never afraid
like you always knew

Knew that the most passionate and brightest fires burn the fastest
like the kindness, love and acceptance we try so hard to learn in our candle flame lives
you always knew

Your fire loved everything
from the sunlight to the bruises
the rainy days
school yard fights
and my tears on your face

The harsh color of the blood on your lips
never could hold anything to the light of your flame

Don't be afraid said the bonfire to the candle
some day we all go out

Thanks for your share and thanks for allowing life to grow you into something pretty awesome!  Good luck at basic!

Forgottensoul94 said:You want to hear a story,
A tale of horror, or redemption.
Lets go back to when I was five years old,
I had no friends, but plenty of troubles and woe.
To when I was judged by my bruises and torn up clothes.
When I was afraid to go home.

How about when I turned ten,
still no friends, and the abuse didn't end.
Not afraid to walk the streets at night,
Not afraid of the thugs standing under the streetlight.
But fear crept up my spine when i was at "Home",
My only escape was burying my head in tomes.

One more jump after this,
Sixteen and suffering from homelessness.
Drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes,
Hiding from the pain of the abandonments,
No mother or father to care,
Living a life is never fair.

Last one, the best one.
Nineteen and free,
From all those evil things,
And no more fear from those beings.
Redemption came as an enlistment,
Soon to be a solider, with no regret.

here is mine. I left stuff out but this is my life no exaggerations here.

I was their little dirty pop song
They were the dj
Spinning me round and round
They never left my brain

Mom was a drunk
I raised her little by little
Making sure she was alive
And not nude in the back yard

Dad was gone
Empty love all I ever had
Lied every chance he got
And broke me down in the process

Molested at 6
“Uncle” loved me or so he said
Threw me through a glass window
Covered in my own blood and hid it well

Raped at 13
So much for a tribal elder
Wife and kids were home
They said that I wasn’t the first

Baby was gone
A little rape baby
She would have been beautiful
But she wasn’t mine to keep

Raped at 16
So much for a grandfather
Threatened my life over and over
And everyone still blames me

Sent to treatment
A cutter to death
That’s what they thought
Until they figured how fucked up I was

In love now
And living it all
Things aren’t perfect
They never will be and that’s ok

Gaping Whole
By Hannah E. Reed
(H. E. Riddleton)

My eyes encircle the weightless ground
Gaping open at the heaving heavens
The cherubs choke upon the clouds
A rushing rain the sky does smote
Sensations are lost within the acidic waters
All feeling is forgotten in the compressing stream
A river of abandonment floods from within
And it is in this sea of tears, I instantly drown
Yet, here I am standing upon this shore
Torn, tattered, trembling
Weeping with shrieks of betrayal
Cries for the craving of comfort
But no arms come to swaddle me with love
No one seems to care for my misery
The world goes on, the city thrives
As if no heart was set aflame
I walk upon the ashes of the forgotten,
The embers of what will never be
My heart beats as if it was never broken
And the pieces pump in their fractured state
A shattered mirror is placed before me
Reflecting the truth behind such a fragile face
A girl’s face of innocence, an image so pure
Yet, her eyes, when meeting her eyes
This understanding turns to dust
Dust casted into the wind
For behind these eyes, these frail, worn eyes
A story can be seen, a dark tale can be told
She has been transformed into an old soul
An aged soul, a woman, trapped in a youthful body
A body so desirable, so touchable
So easily coveted, simply snatched
And once taken, once caressed
Her mind can be entered, her heart, played
And that body, so smooth with the newness of life
Can be invaded, penetrated, and bruised
Left to die, Left without care, Left to lay in a lie
And once the lie has been erected to truth
The girl is left with a crushed dream, a crushed heart
But that heart still beats, just as the days still pass
As if nothing was set ablaze in that moment
As if all was only dripping with wax
Melting the residues of a candle,
The evidence of tragedy, until nothing
But liquid remains. Warm but freezing
Like ice on a trembling night
A starless, shivering sky
Dismembered by the streetlights
Casting a glow to transform
Every traumatic fire
Into a meaningless flame
To society suffering simply fades
Fades into the shadows of the misunderstood
But to the individual, the trauma rots
Rotting its ways into the very core
The very epitome of one’s own existence
Tantalizing any chance
Of entering the realm of the forgotten
Of leaving behind a past of pain
The scars of tainted love, of loving the forbidden
Is the physical proof that yesterday cannot be changed
That tomorrow is not granted with hope
The heart will know, the heart will remember
All that has been done, even as the public dismisses
What has been countered, what has been committed
As an act unworthy of their troubles, their time
Even as my time simply ticks and ticks, striking and striking
As if every hour deserves the whip
Oh, Time, Oh Time! My sacred healer
Why must you tick so slowly?
I cannot be patient with the clock
For my breath is the pendulum
And my heart is the metronome
I am losing time with every sigh
Losing sight with every skipping beat
Don’t you see my eyes are left open?
Gaping at the heaving heavens
Unsure of what throttles around me
In full speed, in saved time
Moving faster and faster
Quickening with every moment
Passing by in a blur, a perceived fog
All has turned to a cluster of color
Holding no meaning, no understanding
It has been lost within the trauma faced
The tears cried and the broken, beating heart
The precipitating pastels beckon for my attention
Flashing in, flashing out of focus with each blink
Turning to mist with every glance
A charade of mixtures and mirages swirling in chaos
Dancing with confusion, a dizzy drive to madness
Reality cannot seemed to be grasped
Dream, lucidity, is all that can be present
A feeling courses through my veins
An adrenaline that cannot be pumped
By hormones or glands
But by the neurotic chemistry of the mind
The nerve endings that break like a heart
That break and break apart the pieces of sanity
And send one spiraling into the games of pretend
The dice of delusion
Paranoia be the number chosen on the roll
And suddenly everyone is an enemy
No one can be trusted, the colors are fraudulent
They swirl in chaos and my body is sedated in fatigue
The city is mocking me, gas lighting my vision
I stumble and sprawl upon the street
Gazing up in the unseen horrors
Of what lies above, what radiates the Earth
Helios halts in his chariot
The sun shines down upon my face
Blinding my eyes, burning my flesh
Synging my once glowing skin
As it reflects off the nearby waters
Like the shattered mirror placed before me
Teasing my innocence, manipulating my naivety
“It is mine, it is mine”, I scream
But no one hears me, no one is listening
I am alone, completely alone
He is not there, he threw me away
A predator stalking his prey,
But he did not finish his meal
He did not finish me off
I only fulfilled his urges
He touched, but he didn’t take
He degraded, but he did not shame
He molested, but he didn’t murder
I am alive, barely breathing, but alive
I am whole, I am broken
But I am whole
I have fractures
But I am whole
I am shaken
But I am whole
I am tattered, I am in pieces
But I am a whole
I rise up from the cold stone concrete
Flinging my head back
And screaming to the sky
Where the clouds burst
And my heart cries
I am whole
I am whole
I am whole


Written on
2/21/2013
based upon the  
events of December 2012

[right].:Corner DROPS – Count Down. 10 thru Zero:.[/right]


[font=Comic Sans MS]Perhaps maybe you’ll steal me or eyes just might steal you. See that’s what we do. Dark city, dark night…this can all be true

Maybe one time you see us… But, we creep you trying to creep us

Like last night on the corner camped
Me & The Crew up under that broken street lamp
Head, thoughts, flowing just right
All this whilst we holding onto the night
Holding onto it real tight. My Home boys, we keepin things just right
Each one, a loyalist son they barely in sight
Palmed glove hand resting on the 380
Matched-up to their waists like rice & gravy
Sleeping? Them never caught..
My young boys, Roy & Lil’Troy, they holding-down positions
See when it’s bleak, the punks creep but we expect them issue-ations
Our intuitions forecasting, might be some blasting
But know this… we all about outlasting

Roy, Lil’Troy, each one of ‘em… both an out & out Savior
Corner Watch, they’s on their best behavior
Got that hand; got ‘em low to they waist
In the background without sound ready to reach without haste
Security? They’s onna NO blanks type ‘o case

See, on the real creeping cats always trying to take your place
You know the ones...them cats that can’t keep pace
Me ow, me ow…Damn, such a waste

See, what we do, how we do is all directly or indirectly related to what is or what might not be true.

Like…what’s true?
This place and what we’re supposed to do???

But you know,
with what’s old there’s always something new
And sometimes that’s something we try not to face
But it’s what we do on the regular all up in this place
Calling it the Irregular Perpendicular Countdown of Young Men

Like, NO school by the age of 1O

Shortly followed by a 9mil trading 4 + 4 shots with an unlucky 7
Stupid nonsense without a 6th sense bailing on heaven
Yeah, the shit gets intense. Creeping young men creeping in as unlucky gents
They be rolling up laced, crookedly without an ace
Somebodies good sense should’ve told ‘em this wasn’t the place

So five, they get hit in they face,
Wherein a scary 4, they rollout fast
So fast like it happened this way before
And just like that, blasted is three more, two then one
For freelancing fools this won’t be any fun.
Wherein the lead one, him dropped his gun
Now the total sum looking at a Negative Zero
Corner drops another would-be-hero
And sometimes that’s just the way it go
Creeping up on what you think instead of what you know
[/font]

They say there's gold in them thar hills

found out early that I was missing that hollow muscular organ
old man’s motto to everything was” it’s along way from your heart son rub some dirt on it”
I wondered if it was the beer and whiskey talking or did he really know best
could have just been filling the void after mom disappeared into the local crack house
whispers would emerge from time to time when she was spotted on 140 Pine Street
heard the bitch passed a year before my old man’s liver shut down
it’s all hard to grasp when your 14
my aunt handled me and the situation  the best she knew how
doctors always helped, they knew just what pills to prescribe

I think of my dad some mornings when I’m on the way to work
would be nice to share a cold one and discuss the daily grind with him
remembering his motto I move on
should know not all are placed on the path to redemption
some have to carve it through the fucking mountains
life is easier when you can watch it from your perch
but when the tree is cut down
the only thing you’re left with is your thoughts and memories
I often wonder if my name crossed her lips as she drew that last breath
or was it just the warmth of  that glass dick as it set her free

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