Poetry competition CLOSED 11th October 2013 3:57pm
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RUNNERS-UP: Gemini and KittyFromHell

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The amusing side of sex

Fire of Insight
United Kingdom 23awards
Joined 19th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 625

Poetry Contest

poems relating amusing aspects of sex (real or imagined) short poems preferred as many as you like
Many people take themselves and life too seriously especially when it comes to sex. The sex act is in itself amusing: see my haiku:
God designed coitus
So that he could laugh at us
In silly positions

Many events in ones sex life can be seen as amusing:

She sat astride my naked thighs
An apple in her hand
Whilst she munched its crunchy flesh
Her cunt was full and manned

Up and down my pelvis went
In time with her munching
It meant that we could have sex
Whilst she was alunching

Some escapades have a tragi-comedy ending. see

I look forward to your poems

Thought Provoker
United States 2awards
Joined 10th Apr 2013
Forum Posts: 303

Our bodies ! extreme content !
Your eyes flash with
lighting as I slowly
run my fingers down
you spine.
I gentle kiss you neck
as you pull me close
and sit me on your lap.
I let my hair down and
smile as I see you eyes
filled with approval.
My fingers are intangled
in your hair as I push you
onto your back.
Your cloths are on the floor
as are mine.
Your hands hold me tight as
our bodys move as one.
You let out a sigh of
pleasure as I rub up ageinst you.
You gentaly pull my hair as I gently
kiss your lips. I see you bite your
lips and you then roll us
over. You slide in me as your hands
have mine pined ageinst the bed.
Our eyes mean and I know you
have let everything else go.
You didn't care anymore and
you wasn't going to hold back anymore
you gave everything to me.

Dangerous Mind
United States 14awards
Joined 31st May 2013
Forum Posts: 654

How many entries are allowed per person?

poet Anonymous

Backyard BBQ Finger Food

I asked her, “bone in
or do you prefer only meat?”
She said, “Bone in for me”
fanning herself in the summer heat
“and if I’ve caught your drift
I’m not really that kind of girl
but once out of curiosity
me and my college roommate gave it a whirl.”

Fire of Insight
United Kingdom 23awards
Joined 19th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 625

As many entries as you wish but please keep them short.

Twisted Dreamer
Canada 3awards
Joined 14th May 2013
Forum Posts: 106

Seduce Me

Eyes seduce across
The room. We walk languidly
And tumble to bed.

Then what? We gaze slow
And intense, then burst out in
A fit of giggles.

poet Anonymous



There was a man who was erection challenged
Went to his doctor, who gave him Viagra
Home he ran to the love of his life
Finally she got the sex she wanted
Finally he could go on and on
However, her vagina could not stand it
She was ragged and bleeding
The erection did not subside
What a powerful drug

The man and his wife
Went at it again
She got her period
She flooded, like rain
His erection would not go down
Worried, he went to the drugstore in town
No matter how he dressed
To cover it up
He was at a forty five degree angle
Everybody could see in the pharmacy
Eva the Pharmacist dealt with him gently
Told him to go to ER only if four hours had passed
He slunk away into his car
Went home and cried
What a loss
Phoned the doctor who said
"Don't pop one unless you know you will fuck
Come hell or high water!"

poet Anonymous

confessions of a sex line operator

You want to suck on a what?

Oh honey,
I might be an open minded slut
and you're probably fifty-eight
with a small dick and a beer gut

but that?

come on, wouldn't you rather
talk dirty,
maybe get a little flirty
and I'll take you straight to the moon...

A strap on?

Oh yeah cause I love that shit,
there's nothing that's more natural
than having D cup tits
and a guy taking one up the tail pipe...

for the team, I assume?

One more story for the x-rated chatroom,
and suddenly you're Ron Jeremy
just because you filmed a dodgy threesome
in a large minimalist room.

Wait, two guys and a girl on the side line?

It's ok.
I'll tell you just what you wanna hear
and whisper so sweetly into your ear
that you're the best I've ever had...

You know, if it'll keep you happy
that you think you're not a gay lad.

Fire of Insight
United Kingdom 23awards
Joined 19th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 625

Thank you everyone its a good start. I hope more gems will follow

Thought Provoker
United States 2awards
Joined 10th Apr 2013
Forum Posts: 303

Ride ( Collaborated with 4ever4gotten) ! extreme content !

What a sensual night
Basking in candle light
Creamy thighs
Smoldering eyes
Lacey panties, his delight

Down to the floor
She's begging for more
Taking him in, a little sore

Seconds later, its better
She couldn't be wetter
Perfection and splendor
Mind running helter skelter

His hands on her breast as he slow
creastes them.
His figerd run up her spin,
she was getting hot.
He licks her near her spot
on weakness.

Her hands in his hair.
She gives him the ride of his life
as she makes it very precise.
He is wearing out and she
wants him to make her shout his name.
He starts again as he pushes in her
tight and wet pussy

pushing him to the edge, pleasure
She's happy with herself, as he starts
thrusting, moaning
Crying out her name
"Oh, baby" it'll never the same

Scratching down his back,
she's begging for more
clothes scattered everywhere
the bed's become a mess
he's taking her for the ride of her life

Thought Provoker
Australia 9awards
Joined 4th Jan 2013
Forum Posts: 186

Married Life  ( Tommy cheats on his wife)  
Tried my luck with the wife again last night  
Begged and pleaded but no delight  
How the hell did she become so frigid  
Constantly leaving me painfully rigid  
How can she be so cruel and mean  
A selfish bitch, a cold ice queen  
She takes all my money and pays her bills  
Too bloody lazy to provide me some thrills  
So sick and tired of having to fake it  
Don't be scared love you won't break it  
Excuse me now as I don't mean to be crude  
These days my balls are as blue as my mood  
A sexy lady walks past and I lose my head  
Doubt the wife's ever done it anywhere but bed  
I try to explain I am a man and I have needs  
You neglect my junk until it damn near bleeds  
Baby you know I try to be a better man  
I did not marry to be loved by my hand  
Can't take this no more I pack my bag  
So randy I would even do an old hag  
About to walk out when her sister knocks at the door  
We went at it for hours and she still wanted more  
Nine months later a bouncing baby boy arrives  
He looks just like me to my wife's surprise  
Shame his mum is as pale as her husbands skin  
Wish I could cut my dick off and throw it in the bin  
What's done is done and I cant take it back  
Might have got away with it if I wasn't black.

poet Anonymous

Kitten on the Prowl

... see her there
muscles tensed
front end lowered
back end raised
watch that butt wiggle in the air

careful now
don't let anything twitch
you know she's ready to



wraps herself around you

          purrrrrrrrrrrrrring for the cream

then she curls into a ball
of contentment and sleeps

while you lie there stunned
saying, "Kitten?
what got into you tonight?'

poet Anonymous

Never... or Always

...when preparing a dinner
involving hot chilies -
deliberately not scrub your hands
and drink more tequila than wise

And then when alone
massage your own neck
fist your hair with one hand

and with the other -
the chili oiled hand -
slide your fingers down your lips
thrust two deep inside
feathertouch your own clit
press down and hold

feel soft tissues swell
as nerve endings awaken

You will burn
but you will squirt

Taco nights...

Dangerous Mind
United States 14awards
Joined 31st May 2013
Forum Posts: 654


We were frantic
Half-crazed for one another's touch
He was hungry for me
Half dove in a panic
As if he'd never eat anything ever again
It was a light-hearted laughing matter
But let me tell you...
The accidental impact of teeth on my tenderness
Did NOT just half hurt!

Fire of Insight
United States 9awards
Joined 28th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 1378

The Milf and The Whore

The milf went to get milk at the store
She walked in and the clerk locked the door
He paid her a sum
to swallow his cum
The hot soccer mom was a whore!

Her husband did everything right
Her family was wealthy and white
But she needed more money
and fucked like a bunny
so she could shoot up every night.

Her yuppie friends had no clue
Suburbanites rarely do
They were so naive
to the tricks up her sleeve
and all of their husbands she blew.

One night she went to go score
She shot up and she fell to the floor
She cracked her head
and out she bled
The milf was a whore no more.

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