Poetry competition CLOSED 18th March 2013 10:31pm
WINNER
NimmieAmee
NimmieAmee
Horrible Puns
Don’t pardon the Pun
Truth is hard to tell I know
Even though it’s there to see
He got hot under the collar
When I told him
his boogers bungeed off his nose
And he began seeing red
when he overheard me said
he was all froth and no substance
what can I say, he could not go the distance
Truth is indeed hard to tell
He asked me for a second date
I went again, resigned to my fate
He was all fingers but no thumps
When I said I needed something perky
He looked at my breasts
Spilled the coffee right on me
He stumbled up to wipe me off
It can be said I felt dis-tainted
He tried to kiss me full on the lips
Slipped and fell, I gave him the slip
The last date was full of fun
We laughed together fit to be tied
Fell all over ourselves in the car
Tried to love and make sparks fly
No spark flew nary a nod
The spark plug was dead
And the greases dried
He skipped the cigarette
And left right away
Goodbye, I said: I love a man with staying power.
Truth is hard to tell I know
Even though it’s there to see
He got hot under the collar
When I told him
his boogers bungeed off his nose
And he began seeing red
when he overheard me said
he was all froth and no substance
what can I say, he could not go the distance
Truth is indeed hard to tell
He asked me for a second date
I went again, resigned to my fate
He was all fingers but no thumps
When I said I needed something perky
He looked at my breasts
Spilled the coffee right on me
He stumbled up to wipe me off
It can be said I felt dis-tainted
He tried to kiss me full on the lips
Slipped and fell, I gave him the slip
The last date was full of fun
We laughed together fit to be tied
Fell all over ourselves in the car
Tried to love and make sparks fly
No spark flew nary a nod
The spark plug was dead
And the greases dried
He skipped the cigarette
And left right away
Goodbye, I said: I love a man with staying power.
:3
Last week
we decided to get a kitten;
we had read
all the available LITTERature
the library had to offer
on the CATegory,
and thought we would be
the PURRfect pet owners.
As I was on my way
home today
he called me and said
he had CATastrophic news.
He said the kitten
must have gotten CLAWstorphobic,
because when
he got back to the apartment
all our FURRniture was in ribbons!
As I got out my keys he asked;
'Is that you I hear
in the hallway right MEOW?'
and I answered in the aFURRmative.
I hurriedly opened the door
and rushed into
the living room,
but all I found was an intact
sofa set,
and him sitting with the cat
purring on his knee.
I asked;
'How is this PAWsible?'
He laughed, saying;
'I was only KITTEN around!'
NimmieAmee said:
:3
Last week
we decided to get a kitten;
we had read
all the available LITTERature
the library had to offer
on the CATegory,
and thought we would be
the PURRfect pet owners.
As I was on my way
home today
he called me and said
he had CATastrophic news.
He said the kitten
must have gotten CLAWstorphobic,
because when
he got back to the apartment
all our FURRniture was in ribbons!
As I got out my keys he asked;
'Is that you I hear
in the hallway right MEOW?'
and I answered in the aFURRmative.
I hurriedly opened the door
and rushed into
the living room,
but all I found was an intact
sofa set,
and him sitting with the cat
purring on his knee.
I asked;
'How is this PAWsible?'
He laughed, saying;
'I was only KITTEN around!'
I'm entering because of this. Be expecting me some time later.
:3
Last week
we decided to get a kitten;
we had read
all the available LITTERature
the library had to offer
on the CATegory,
and thought we would be
the PURRfect pet owners.
As I was on my way
home today
he called me and said
he had CATastrophic news.
He said the kitten
must have gotten CLAWstorphobic,
because when
he got back to the apartment
all our FURRniture was in ribbons!
As I got out my keys he asked;
'Is that you I hear
in the hallway right MEOW?'
and I answered in the aFURRmative.
I hurriedly opened the door
and rushed into
the living room,
but all I found was an intact
sofa set,
and him sitting with the cat
purring on his knee.
I asked;
'How is this PAWsible?'
He laughed, saying;
'I was only KITTEN around!'
I'm entering because of this. Be expecting me some time later.
Did you nazi what jew did there?
He doesn't make coffee
hebrews it.
I heard about a south paw
yeah, one of them left handed Polar bears.
Down.. South.
I could use a glass of scotch
but the Scots stole it.
Greedy bastards, the lot of them.
Want to see time fly?
Toss your watch out the window
bad.. I know.
He doesn't make coffee
hebrews it.
I heard about a south paw
yeah, one of them left handed Polar bears.
Down.. South.
I could use a glass of scotch
but the Scots stole it.
Greedy bastards, the lot of them.
Want to see time fly?
Toss your watch out the window
bad.. I know.
Friends,
When you are sad...... I will get you drunk and help nyou plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad
When you are blue..... I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile........ I'll know you finally got laid
When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get
When you are worried.. I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and quit whining
When you are mad...... I will tellyou to chill out, you're driving us all crazy
When you are confused. I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass
When you are sick..... Stay away from me until you're well again!! I don't want what you have
When you fall......... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass
Tis is my oath ...... I swear to the end. Why you may ask????? Because you are my fuckin friend
When you are sad...... I will get you drunk and help nyou plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad
When you are blue..... I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile........ I'll know you finally got laid
When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get
When you are worried.. I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and quit whining
When you are mad...... I will tellyou to chill out, you're driving us all crazy
When you are confused. I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass
When you are sick..... Stay away from me until you're well again!! I don't want what you have
When you fall......... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass
Tis is my oath ...... I swear to the end. Why you may ask????? Because you are my fuckin friend
