Hap-penis in Melan's choly

http://images.theage.com.au/2012/10/01/3680053/fernon-archer-620x349.jpg

IT IS MORNING AGAIN
 

It is a snowy morning again

The snow brings on my depression

So along with coffee come the antidepressants

My mind could use the push and shove

The world seems cold and remote

Legs do not want to walk

Mouth does not want to smile

I take a chemically prescribed cocktail

Which helps for a while

Then I force myself to do the creative

Write poetry, draw, and let my demons out

One more day I am successful

Until the next day comes about.

Great entries so far guys! thank you.

never ending war

Me not being a problem 
Me not being an addict 
Is like a child with blocks 
Trying to do mathmatics 

Like a bird without wings 
Trying to fly from the nest 
Having all the answers 
Not passing the test 

Ive realized im troubled 
With a diease, undiagnosed 
The main problem with me 
Most dont know 

Its a trouble with hunger 
With an unfilling feed 
Starving my family 
To support my needs 

Surrender is not an option 
My fathers expectations so high 
Guess he was too 
Thats why he wasnt in my life 

If i had a white flag 
Id wave in frustration 
Surrender to a higher power 
Praying i can make it 

Id throw down my arms 
Bang my last shot 
Thinking i can do it alone 
Knowing i can not 

Accept im a junkie 
With no strength left to fight 
Open up to new options 
Thankful im alive 

Give it a chance 
Surrender my guns 
Throw this needle in the trash 
Grateful im done....

Once Was Not Me (But then I came alive)

The spiritual space that I occupy at present
was achieved through persistence
and a life filled with lessons

Uphill battles, solitude, and madness
Downward spirals and remorse fueled with sadness

Nights spent bewildered and begging for death
Mornings spent crying at my still having breath

Questioning God and hating myself
choking on deception and the lies I'd been fed

Constantly pondering the apathy in humans
Never understanding how they laughed and why I couldn't

I studied human nature, religions, and people's theories
On the outside, looking in-
Desperately seeking a road to free me

They say we hit rock bottom before we can bounce back
I fell beyond the lowest point and wakened to the smack-
it felt more like a pounding, lashing, beating- seared my core

But after that rough landing there was a rebirth in my whole
I realized all that I had missed and what had killed my soul

I knew life had been unfair-
but still, it was a gift
I reflected on the newfound truths and felt my spirit lift

I let go of the haters, and pitied them instead
kicked out the freeloaders, living rent-free in my head

I vowed to settle for nothing, demanding all respect
to love who I am-and the time that I have left

I threw out the past, retaining only what I'd learned
I booted out the ghosts -
conjured angels up instead

Some days I get the blues,
and occasional self pity
But nothing like the hopeless states
That used to catch and grip me

I've overcome, let go, moved on
I love myself,
and yesterday is gone

Not quite sure if this meets the criteria exactly but disregard if not..thank's


Gone Back To My Roots (from 2012 pub.)


20 years ago
I was seventeen
I would have shot your head off
For all you just revealed-
Then would have spent my life in prison
Finding God and life in misery

15 years ago
I was a little wiser
Still a fiery tempered lass
with lots of rage inside her
So , I confess that even then
I would have kicked your ass
And bashed your head
walked into the future
left you for dead..
Then spent my life in sad regret


10 years ago
so much had changed
I was taken for a ride
little sanity remained
If you had done this then
Oh friend I must admit
I would have sooner stabbed you
than listen to your shit
That would have been it.

5 years ago
well, you knew me then
I was kinda drifting
my moods and thoughts all shifting
I was happy again
the dreary was lifting
but lets admit it
I was no fragile doll
nor one to trip and fall
If you had done this then
I would have smashed your head
into every window and every wall
Laughed at your fall
like it was nothing at all...


But, it's today
two thousand and twelve

I have really grown up
i'm impressed with myself

I walk to the window
sipping Cabernet Sauvignon
Realizing the lies
And how you done me so wrong
so long....
I hold on
To Dylan and his words
To a picture of Jerry
To a Pink Floyd album...

Wow, this is scary
I see a peace sign
a Buddha, Love beads
and Mary

In smoke rings
while Hendrix sings
and it's Dylan's song
I start to say..
But the Rolling stone
has rolled away
And I just listen
and am carried away..

But, It's still today
and we, still here
I return and pull you near

I explain that I'm trying to
look past the disaster

and let you continue to
the happy every after

I have the wisdom of the years
and the balance of a dancer

My inner Glaswegian resigns in laughter
and reaching for the bottle

My advice is-
RUN faster!

http://www.artrenewal.org/artwork/131/131/1750/melancholy-large.jpg

Happiness and Melancholy

It's so tedious waiting here
for something to change my life
time slipping through fingers
that tremble at the thought of wasted years
a futile whispering of regrets
and passions stifled by reservation

If I could change anything
it would be all the years I have wasted
trapped within my own fear
refusing to live my life with abandon
and always desiring more
than I had the confidence to take

I feel old beyond my years
wasting away in a parched nightmare
solemn to the point of aching
no happiness warming my cold days
I wonder what it would be like
to truly let go, and breathe

But then, if my eyes do not deceive
from within the grey clouds
surrounding me at all times
I see a glimpse of light
it's warmth kissing pale cheeks
Casting me into a bright awareness

I had forgotten such things
the beauty of a new beginning
capturing me in awe and disbelief
a potential end to my sufferings
hope filling me up so recklessly
fragile and bitter-sweet

Gently take my cautious hand
and lead me into your arms
make me complete within this new found dream
show me that this isn't all there is
teaching me to breathe in happiness
and how to exhale melancholy

(Thank you for the inspiration Artkytech)