Sad, Depressing, ect.

Whistling-a-little-sing-song



Haunted by all four corners,
each one heaven-aglow with unenlightenment.
I hang onto the crooning lullabies
that tug at my burgeoning nausea:
just let it all out.
 
Whistling-a-little-sing-song,
with the birds outside;
each one carries a familiar smile;
each one plagiarizes a lingering laugh.
The enthusiastically decorated walls
are heirlooms from a generation after,
highlighted stomach-clenching
with the flair of crayon-art.
 
Monochrome patterns the hours awake,
the hours asleep, and the hours in-between.
Whilst gravestones weep baby pink harmonies,
sobbing traumatic child-hood rhymes.
A doll-sized hat is gently cradled in one arm,
rock-a-bye-baby: "I'll keep you safe".
Not quite the same, but it'll have to do.
 
The sun rises with it’s cheery grin again,
so I grab my rifle and pump lead into that
sun-shine joy until slack-line jaws
bleed the world black.
"I'll keep you safe".

The Reason

You're the reason I can't sleep.
Thoughts of you always seep
Deep into my head.
As I lay in bed,
I can't get you out of my mind.
If you only knew what I'd do to make you mine.
I spend hours thinking about what I what I can do.
I've tried everything I know to.
I'd kill for just one more chance.
I know we could make it last.
Baby, I love you more than anything.
I'll do everything
It takes to make you happy.
Just never forget, I love you Baby.

Change What Is To Come

It’s strange how a few short seconds can lead you in a whole new direction,
It alters how you think and act, and see your own reflection.
From a single moment on, my life was forever changed.
Like everything I previously knew had suddenly been rearranged.

No one will ever understand, just how I felt that day,
But deep within this poem I shall try to convey.
I cannot even begin to illustrate the repulsive person I once knew.
I intend to simply express the horror that I went through.

I was abruptly pinned against the wall of a hard, rough concrete stairwell,
At two AM, in Mexico, where not a soul was likely to dwell.
Suddenly I was captured, no possible way to escape.
Wondering if I deserved it, if it was truly my fate.

Not knowing what to do; tears forming in my eyes.
They got pulled down my face by gravity as I began to fiercely cry.
The moist and humid air steadily crept all over me,
Scented like fresh, tropical flowers; mixed with smells of sweet palm trees.

I said that I would scream, if he didn’t stop right now.
Then he quickly sealed my lips with his hand over my mouth.
He started to undress me, and do things I cannot say.
Never before had I been in a situation that has made me feel quite that way.

Tears like elegant pearls gracefully danced down my face,
I peered into his soul with a firm look of disgrace.
His cold touch like a vacuum, sucking out the life in me.
His ears were wide open, but he wouldn't hear my plea.

"Shhh! Be quiet! Enjoy!" he whispered foully in my ear.
"Shut up, stay still! Don't scream!" he became my biggest fear.
In an instant, I was frozen; in a blink, my shorts unzipped,
As he proceeded my mouth was tightly enclosed in his harsh grip

I tried to fly away, but my wings he had broke.
I was like an innocent cow, that he used to prod and poke.
My mind filled with confusion, and his, filled with lust.
He took another part of me with each and every thrust.

Standing there in the night, so scared, so exposed.
I was covered by a veil of darkness, like satin petals of a rose.
I was no longer a human, but a piece of flesh, an object.
Never before had I endured so much disrespect.

Interesting noises of the jungle, insects singing in the night.
Going on with their usual routine, oblivious to my fright.
A few minutes seemed like hours, the clock stopped its tick,
My heart ceased its beating, my stomach as heavy as a brick.

I managed to let out a few ghostly screams, but nobody was around to hear.
Wishing that he would stop and go away, or somehow just disappear.
The glowing moon looked down at me, peaking through a massive blanket of stars.
I could touch it; it seemed so close, but it was really oh so far.

The people around him have no clue what he’s done,
But the guilt in his heart has nowhere to run.
Congratulations to him, he’s fooled his family and friends.
But shame on him for stealing things that I can't get back again.

I think about what could have been, ten tiny fingers and toes,
A single, lethal touch makes me rapidly decompose.
Beautiful, big brown eyes that hypnotize me with one look.
My strength, my will, my hope... but that's not all that he took.

Worse than at the doctor; he injected me with filth and dirt.
His intention was deliberate; it was very clear and overt.
It is a bit funny, that a piece of scum is all he’ll ever be,
And the only thing that he accomplished in doing in life—is me.

Almost every other feeling gets overshadowed by pain,
I can't help but believe that I am the only one to blame.
There are so many people, yet I feel so alone,
I’m in a warm, loving house, but it doesn't feel like a home.

Sometimes late at night I simply can't fall sleep,
Thinking about how my innocence is no longer mine to keep.
What some can only imagine in their worst possible nightmare,
Is my gruesome reality that can’t be undone nor repaired.

My weak, tired eyes are now suffering a drought,
There is only one thing that I can think about.
One night, a half hour, a mere moment in time,
But for some reason these thoughts constantly occupy my mind.

I may have the sweetest smile, glowing between my nose and chin.
But only I know the truth, about the deep secrets held within.
I may have the prettiest eyes that have seen more than they should.
And have cried more delicate tears than anyone else ever could.

I may have the kindest heart, but that came with a cost.
It has felt the worst of pains, and experienced the greatest loss.
I cannot change the past, an event to which I succumbed.
But I can focus on the present, and change what is to come.

We are all so different, and yet so much the same.
Everyone, in some way or another, will experience a kind of pain.
Everybody has things that they wish not to recall,
Into each life some rain must fall.

In the moments that we suffer, we don't realize how much we hurt.
It is only after the matter, that we are aware and alert.
At the time, your mind turns numb, you simply cannot comprehend,
It will take a long, long while, for your heart to fully mend.

Scattered throughout our lives, like a friend that is one of a kind.
Dreary days will steadily approach, bad memories trailing behind.
These dark days are necessary, just as important as the rest.
For if we didn't have the worst, we couldn't recognize the best.





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UN-DO

the silence kills her, from her distance care
she holds herself trying to find the peace
she dosnt believe exist.
she finds the cuts returning..
tears began to fall from her eyes
as she watch herself bleed
telling herself this is all she need
staring into a mirror wondering..
what has made her feel this way.
what has made her fall back into whats isnt happiness.
feeling as if all her versus were a waist of time,
know shaping into her couplet rhyme.
she drift inside the wounder-er that has written her life.
making her chapters longer and darker.
life has never told her she was wanted,
but only owned by the hatred that evolute around her.
her eyes drowning in her tears as
she watch herself bleed
telling herself is this all she need?

-Kumiko Yamamoto

"But You Don't Know That"

Hope that a rises
From the shame
Of another day slain

Pokes me with
A knife too deep
To kill the monster's peep

Keeps me on my toes
Forgetting long times
Still trapped inside

Putting on a mask
Fades the gasp I breathe
As I suffocate beneath

The scars run so very deep
Nicks and bruises
Never contemplating what I chooses

The sky sours
With muddy anticipations
Of another day's precipitation

The red runs down long shadows
Covering grey it paints
Until there is no light for it to taint

A shattered reminx
Of my soul locked and chained
Another day slain

Your right by my side
You wave a friendly goodbye
To someone who isn't even me

But you don't know that
You think I always told you the truth

You still think that's me

"She Loves Me Murderously"

There's someone inside me
That softly kills everyone around
They don't know their dead to me
cause intent never makes a sound

Your suffocating me
So very hard to breathe
My mask is growing heavy
But I've forgotten whose beneath

Your fingers on the trigger
Slowly pulling back, breathing last
You have no thoughts, but this is bigger
You forgot a smile, that eats from the past

Till the last day of all this pain
I will keep doing all I do
Hold out an umbrella in the rain
Because I will always love you

Even if you kill along the way
Never will I part from you
I love you past my last day
I love y. . .

*Boom*

It hurts to be so lonely
Scared and in a shell
It hurts to be me
Leaving in my hell

I am so lonely
Yet I try so hard
Why can nobody see
I only have 1 heart shard

I stopped liveing long ago
Now I am just letting my body go too
6 feet below, where it'll soon go

I never feel right
With no wrong or left
What I see with my sight
Is my impending death

I am alone
But yet surrounded
A broken corpse sewn
A voice never sounded

I looked for escape
But found no way
Imagining the shape
Of another day

Thrown into isolation
Struck with despair
Swallowing useless medication
Without a care

I know that I bleed
And sleep to dream
But it's never there
Never to be seen

I'm still being crushed
With cold rain
Being shushed
By the pain

The storm subsides
Letting in light
I close my eyes
Welcoming night

Out of lies
to be told
Out of cries
To behold

Out of room
To continue to run
I hear doom
Coming quicker than the sun

I am in pain
But have no marks
My happiness down the drain
Out of sparks

I don't know why
I am so afraid
I want to die
I am a waste of a life god made

I wallow in shame
For giving up too soon
I failed this game
Lost looking at the moon

I try so much
To laugh, to love
A smile out of my touch
So high above

I am worthless
I see nothing in my dreams
Though I know this
I still use mute screams

Never more
Can I pretend
That I swore
We were friends

I now understand
Why I hate myself so
Why I can't stand
In high snow

I have forgotten
The feeling of joy
My life rotten
It i will destroy

It didn't take long
For me to reach breaking
I tried to hold on
But I was shaking

Forgot to say sorry
For the hurt I've caused
I was in a hurry
No time for pause

But didn't forget to say
My last goodbye
To the past and future days
And to those by my side

It hurts to be so lonely
Lost with nothing mine
It hurts to be me
And now I'm out of time

removed

Thanks for all of the entries guys! Can't wait to see what else come up!

I lay in the coldness of my defeat
My soul sour, not good to eat

The sky cries showing its ugly side
Only to me, the one trapped inside

I soak up its tears as they fall
I tell it "its okay", to the others it calls

They wash their burdens onto me
I accept them a, whatever they may be

Soon they are all out of sorrows to spill
Inside my heart kills

The sky brightens to rays of another happier day
But what they give is not what they can give away

I try to soak in the hope, the warmth, the light
But here I am still stuck in the darkness of night

I give up, I can never be happy
That is not the fate for me

So here I lay in the coldness of my defeat
Sadder then before, a sad fate I meet

Still crying distorted tears
From a life long past's fears

This is a poem about how I really feel about myself sometimes.

What is Beauty?

When I look in the mirror, do I see an angel?
No, I see the one the other girls called ugly,
The one the boys stayed away from in class.
How many coins did I toss in the wishing well?
Wishing I had some measure of true beauty.
Time sometimes seems to go by far too fast!

I miss my sister, she saw me as I wished to be.
But she is gone, and time has taken my heart,
Tested it and made me into what I am today…
A frightened little girl, though I am now adult.
Why did not one person ever understand me?
But I serve and I strive to do my humble part.
I read and studied as other girls got to play…
Even as I bore the agony: of every crazy insult.

And now I cry myself to sleep, shivering cold,
Wondering if I am beautiful, fearing the mirror.
But I look into it each day, for I am still bold,
And I see a weary woman, and I cry for her!
Oh my Goddess, where are you in my agony?
My spiritual sisters cannot know, what I bear.
If only someone had told me that I was pretty,
Maybe even loved me; then I would not care.

Does she know what beauty even is anymore?
Where has my life gone, the years a-slipping;
I want to go home, but where was I happiest!
My wings were broken unto my soul’s core…
And I felt the darkest spirits, always gripping,
While the other girls played, being more blest!

I tried to hide my true face behind a false one,
Now you know what I look like; is it horrible?
Hold me, mother, and tell me I look like you…
Don’t say I look like father, who was so cruel.
What is true beauty when all is said and done!
Everything fades, dying, crumbling into rubble.
Why must age take things from us often soon!
Who decides what beauty is, with an iron rule?

Lumina_Starsoul said:This is a poem about how I really feel about myself sometimes.

What is Beauty?

When I look in the mirror, do I see an angel?
No, I see the one the other girls called ugly,
The one the boys stayed away from in class.
How many coins did I toss in the wishing well?
Wishing I had some measure of true beauty.
Time sometimes seems to go by far too fast!

I miss my sister, she saw me as I wished to be.
But she is gone, and time has taken my heart,
Tested it and made me into what I am today…
A frightened little girl, though I am now adult.
Why did not one person ever understand me?
But I serve and I strive to do my humble part.
I read and studied as other girls got to play…
Even as I bore the agony: of every crazy insult.

And now I cry myself to sleep, shivering cold,
Wondering if I am beautiful, fearing the mirror.
But I look into it each day, for I am still bold,
And I see a weary woman, and I cry for her!
Oh my Goddess, where are you in my agony?
My spiritual sisters cannot know, what I bear.
If only someone had told me that I was pretty,
Maybe even loved me; then I would not care.

Does she know what beauty even is anymore?
Where has my life gone, the years a-slipping;
I want to go home, but where was I happiest!
My wings were broken unto my soul’s core…
And I felt the darkest spirits, always gripping,
While the other girls played, being more blest!

I tried to hide my true face behind a false one,
Now you know what I look like; is it horrible?
Hold me, mother, and tell me I look like you…
Don’t say I look like father, who was so cruel.
What is true beauty when all is said and done!
Everything fades, dying, crumbling into rubble.
Why must age take things from us often soon!
Who decides what beauty is, with an iron rule?

Laurie, dear angel... never once think that way! Remember all that I told you in our talks, okay sweetie? You ARE an angel! Those who cannot see your beauty, they are blind. I too have often felt like this... and still do sometimes... but you and I, we need to stay strong and walk tall, our heads held high. There are always people who will try to put us down, but just walk even taller, feel even prouder of yourself, and their words will lose their sting and the heat of their fiery rain will fall like warm milk intead, burning nothing. Be well, bright Starsoul!

One year anniversary.


A derelict silhouette shreds
the sound-barrier;
his throat tattered hoarse,
spine severe in mindless suffering.
Embedding insistent pleas into
the pearly gate, despite
unyielding stubborn silences.

Today the stars screech
‘one year anniversary’;
glistening champagne droplets
plummet down as melancholy.
A child dashes across weary clouds
with undeniable urgency,
heart-clenching to the rhythm of her pace.
Sobbing next to her father,
she grasps his forearm in uneasiness;
eyes guilt-ridden with naivety.

Mother merely gazes from the
differing side of the gate,
her disheartened wings quivering.
By the morning she’ll be gone.