say sorry to your parents

"The Family Way"

Brother you've done it once again
Doctor Brother now thinks I'm insane
Analyzed me without hearing my pain
Brother should I forgive you?

Brother! Brother can you forgive me?
I've done only what I wanted to do
I couldn't live up to you, so I was me
Do you know, brother, that I love you?
Brother will you forgive me?

Father, Father can you forgive me?
Do you know why I've leaned on you?
I needed childhood support, not money
Do you know, father, that I love you?
Father will you forgive me?

Mother! Mother can you forgive me?
Do you know how I tried to love you?
Mother, why was it so hard to tell me?
Do you know, mother, that I love you?
Mother will you forgive me?

_________________________________________


*03/31/1983
I hope it's ok to post an old poem, if not, well it's here to read anyway...
JJ

I'm sorry,
ha I lie, hahaha...
Seriously, I am sorry,
pffft I lie again...
I'm really sorry,
for not being sorry hahaha...
Yea I'm a bit fucked up...
Take a guess why...


*I really have great parents considering

"Look, I'm sorry, Mom"

mostly that I can't quite forgive you
for such upright
uptight religion
that conditions you to believe
you're licensed
and destined for higher
than those without

neither can I seem to forget
the in-grown resentment
you laid on a young one broken
for outright
outranking you
in her father's heart

but I am truly sorry
that I've always judged you harshly
with my grown-up senses
of justice
that greys are bleeding their way through
with age

I found too little compassion for a hard husk
whose inside sounded like sloshing liquid
and cringed too easily at your open body
toward men in places of power
[loneliness, I know now
steals the best portions
of us]

I'm sorry
for the rage
even though
you
didn't let it show

__________________


And, I'm sorry, Dad

that it took so long
for me to let go of the way you did, but
I've done that climb -
that's not my faultline
when it comes to us anymore

you
left him

with a mother
trying to wipe your face away
from a boy that would obey
unswervingly
without your ever having loved him
as much as you loved me and
I hate it
still -

I'm
sorry
that I can never
forgive you
for him

Dear mother
I feel I should apologize
For I shamelessly stole your childhood
So I could have one of my own

I'm sorry for everything and nothing.
I tried so hard not to shout, but you had a child who
Never cried. Some form of energy escapes
And without sadness I find Anger. She was
A good friend to me, my Anger, she fought for
Me when Everything didn't. As for Nothing...
Nothing was the one we all
Hated, but when he left,
He was the one we wished for.
So yes, I am not sorry, and no, I am.