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firedaughter (StayAwayFromTheNutcase)
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Confessions

Starlight_angel
Fire of Insight
United States 4awards
Joined 25th Apr 2011
Forum Posts: 1240

I Confess Our Side of Desire

I confess...

I want to give him everything he asks for.
His desires rank high
on my to do list
and I love him enough
to bend my world view.

I confess...
I know we are strong enough.
What we have survived,
even thrived through
gives me the security
of being fearless.

I confess...
I like the idea
of first kisses,
and chemistry
heating two bodies,
building tension
until it breaks
as they meld together.

I confess...
I'll bring the stories back to him
watching his blood pressure
and other things
rise with the excitement
knowing that he holds
what other men want.
That they touch
only with his permission.

I confess...
the experience will wipe from memory
all the negativity that came before.
My soul renewed, refreshed,
knowing this time it is my choice.
I am in control.  
I've come into my own awakening
where I can enjoy this quest for ecstasy.

I confess...
that I care not for harsh judgments.
The only ones who matter
are myself, my love,
and the one I choose to share
all the affection and passion
I have to offer.
This is our side, our world.
Only those invited
need bother to have a say.

Our side is beautiful,
Unaffected by anything
but our own creations.
Filled with love and respect,
enough to go around.
My heart is open
Ready
Wanting.

I confess...

xxbvbkatiexx
Katelyn Michelle
Thought Provoker
United States 1awards
Joined 25th May 2012
Forum Posts: 43

More Confessions...

I figure I'd add on
To my confessions list
Although I could go on for days
I'll just give you the gist

Many moons ago
Freshman year of high school
I invited someone to my house
Thinking it'd be cool

I mean, sneaking him in
Around three a.m.
Seemed pretty rad and awesome
I was so excited to see him

He arrived at my window
Tapped lightly three times
I grabbed his hand gently
And pulled him inside

He brushed my hair back
Touched his lips to my head
I smiled, thinking innocently
Although he dragged me to the bed

I wish I hadn't done all that
Although it may have been deemed
Necessary,even though
It makes me want to fucking scream

"Tell me your fears"
My friend asked of me
I begged,"Please don't laugh
But I'm scared of intimacy"

Lack of meeting expectations
Lack of control
Fear of disappointing
Fear of paying the toll

With a baby,that is
If it were with a man
With a women, just as frightening
I avoid it whenever I can

I have a bad habit of lying
To meet others needs
I tell them what they want to hear
I never voice my pleas

I hate being alone when I'm sad
But I want every one to leave me alone
My nightmares ruin my fucking life
My friends always respond with a groan

"You have too many issues
Just shut your fucking mouth"
I smile on cue, shove the pain back inside
Everyone's "love" I doubt

I speak before I think
It's a habit, I confess
I mentally beat myself up
When at a mirror, I undress

I hurt the people I love most
My jealousy gets in the way
They come around, then quickly leave
I'm waiting for one to stay..

I see this is quite rambly
Reader, I apologize
I'm just tired of being concealed
Tired of my own lies

Kou_Indigo
Kara L. Pythiana-Ashton
Tyrant of Words
United States 68awards
Joined 15th Sep 2011
Forum Posts: 2784

- Once and Future: A Confession -

Back in the 1980’s, I was in truth a rebel without a cause!
Crusading to be considered cool and fighting just to party.
This life has been so very long, and harsh without pause…
But it is the only one, which I do have now, so I live hearty.
There are many times I think I would like to see come again,
And there are the terrible moments I cannot speak of at all!
I have been called a saint, and I have enjoyed many a sin.
I have stood in the emerald light as in darkness I did crawl!
Alone I sat brooding so often, long past the midnight hour…
Upon so many things that are, were, and which yet may be.
I felt lonely and in truth abandoned by all the divine powers,
Unwilling to give up and unable to grant them easy victory!
I am not who I once was, but I am becoming a higher being,
Gifted with uncanny sight, that is beyond my will’s control.
I am as I once was, when hidden temple bells would so ring:
In the secretive halls of Avalon, wherein I gave up my soul!
I listened tonight, to music that so moved me in my youth…
But now the old metal melodies paint such different pictures.
I used to think I knew all that there was to the hidden truth!
Now I see, the countless lies told in the holiest of scriptures.

Ego sum verto, Ego memor panton!
Inconcessus nomen, est mei.
Memor mihi benigne, carus lector!
Ego, quondam quod posterus Dei.

Gods forgive me, for I have come to collect my due!
Gods forgive me, for the madness that must ensue.

We believed, oft, that life owed us, back in good old days…
Which were not nearly as good as people do mythologize!
We lived far too fast so that things went by as if in a haze…
Just one mad life out of many for which I cannot apologize.
Now I find myself searching, for meaning, finding my soul…
I know that I so lived before, and I cannot change the past.
I am the freest of spirits, one no divine power can control…
Yet I am also oft down to earth, no longer living oh so fast.
I thought how sweet it would be to punish each divine foe…
And let all who of old hurt me, feel the stinging of my pains.
I thought how simple it would be, to simply elsewhere go…
Someplace where I could wash clean all my darkest stains.
I helped a lost soul find her way when it was, for her, dark!
But now I choose to walk in darkness without any direction.
I slip as I slide; and yet my keenly attuned ears listen, hark!
For: I did once fear myself and call upon spiritual protection.
I have been a god, king, queen, prince, and one time a spy,
Male, female, and wholly androgynous in body and in spirit!
Good, evil and neutral, both on Earth and so of old on high.
I keep looking too intensely, and yet I cannot my sight quit!

Ego sum verto, Ego memor panton!
Inconcessus nomen, est mei.
Memor mihi benigne, carus lector!
Ego, quondam quod posterus Dei.

Gods forgive me, for I know not what I should do!
Gods forgive me, for all I want is a love most true.

Much of that is how I was, for the longest time: so prideful!
So drunk upon the sweet honey in a goddess’s sacred lips.
But I found myself in arcane rapture, and it was delightful…
To come to the end of a starless void where pass no ships!
I fear myself not any longer, for I saw into my darkest self…
Journeying beyond both good and evil, unto a distant glory.
I looked upon an awful wisdom not found on any bookshelf,
Until: I had learned the words, to my most ancient true story.
Through a red wall of fire in Hell I passed until I was clear…
Remembering all that I ever was, and knowing all that I am!
When the new dawn had arrived I had faced every old fear:
Laying myself upon the sacred altar, as the sacrificial lamb.
Once and future king, queen, and tyrant from out of space,
Many are my terrible names, and I remember the meanings.
Would you know me, dear Diana, if now you saw my face?
You knew me once, kindred, but in a lost age of beginnings.
Some mortals love me; some still fear the hour of my birth…
Little knowing that I am here already: and free of my bonds.
A new beginning is swiftly approaching, for all as it is worth,
Soon we will see clearly, with eyes brighter than diamonds.

Ego sum verto, Ego memor panton!
Inconcessus nomen, est mei.
Memor mihi benigne, carus lector!
Ego, quondam quod posterus Dei.

Gods forgive me, for I cannot forgive myself anew!
Gods forgive me, for all I had left to love was you.
But, now I am more whole, for I love a truth more true.

J-D-E
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 22nd Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 39

Sickness.

The smell of a mare in heat, makes me red in cheek-
I'll lie and say it's hot, though closer to the truth than not.
The sight of a six legged trot, fills my heart with envi rot.
. . .I guess I really am a sorry fuckedup sot.

shaunda
Fire of Insight
United States 13awards
Joined 19th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 261

Sometimes the truth is brutal. Wicked good confession.

dahlusion
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 10th July 2011
Forum Posts: 106

I confess to confessing

Scribbler12
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 16awards
Joined 12th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 93

Forgive me father for I have sinned
Burying myself in the remnants
Of my past glory
Snapping spines of roses in two
The thorns cut my palms
Blood running rivers like the Nile
Dipping into crevasses, it doesn’t part willingly
Moses would’ve drowned
Petals rain down as confetti for the grieving
Silken remembrances for the dead
I have made another God out of my misery
I look up to him in times of sadness
I rely on him to punish me for my mistakes
Letting clouds of screams suffocate me
I know however much I struggle
They will just slip through my fingers
Effortlessly, effortlessly, effortlessly
Forgive me father for I have sinned

faithmairee
Faith Elizabeth Brigham
Tyrant of Words
United States 10awards
Joined 29th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 183

linked


It started with a stolen glance
then two, three and maybe four
somehow, even then I knew
we were linked forever more

Even though the physical attraction
was very strong indeed
I felt our souls connecting
as you sat down next to me

There was a sparkle present
in your engaging eyes and
I felt a kind of happiness that day
that I had not felt in years

They say that love is patient
and they say that it is kind
so I kept my love a secret to keep
from interferring in your life

It didn't matter that you loved another
for I knew that in the end I would win
one day you would be mine
it was only a matter of time

You said that I was special and
you had feelings for me too
when you said you loved me
my long held dream came true


poet Anonymous

Petite Sirah 1978


I've drunk myself to the bottom of the glass
The view down there is empty and bare
I poured over the look of my neighbor's grass
I've drunk myself to the bottom of the glass
I preferred her petite seat to my bubbly ass
While we screwed for a week inside her lair
I've drunk myself to the bottom of the glass
The view down there is empty and bare


Scribbler12
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 16awards
Joined 12th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 93

Amber liquid tunneled down the plug hole
In streams of liquid poison
Occasionally spitting at me
I don't care
The vodka is next
Or maybe that red wine
Is it your ambition to drown in all the alcohol?
Your liver has a personal vendetta against you
Killing from the inside out
There is no excuses for how you act
Giggling, slurring, yelling, crying
Asking me why I am stopping you from being happy
I tell you sternly-voice shaking-
It is selfish to drink your life away
Dragging everyone with you
But your already half gone
You got more upset when the sink turned crimson
Than when I threatened to leave
Maybe I'll rid you of the white wine next


preferred2banonest
Strange Creature
United States
Joined 30th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 1

I did not see any rules, but I would like to say this first at least
**WARNING** 18+, please do not read if you think the use of jargon or slang terms is highly offensive, (can't say i didn't warn you)
**WARNING** 18+, please do not read if you think the use of jargon or slang terms is highly offensive, (can't say i didn't warn you)

uhhma a guy... in... all... honesty,
you don't know me, so don't try to hurt me,
make it smart, make it lude,
make it funny, i don't use lube,
be safe, be kind, be something...
...something hard to find...
be easy, be gentle,
be great, look average...
i like veggies, but not as much as cabbage,
sry haterz, i eat meat for protein
i ain't dirty...bit messy, but clean
i ain't dumb...genius, i am neither
i'm average, but am prepared for anytype ofweather
i'm that middle person who wants to be like u...
i don't hav an iphone,
but i wake up to some sort of cock-a-doodle-doo
i don't live on a farm, i don't live in a city...
i live in a place
where most of everyone is not shitty,
they're average just like me.
" you're so cool"&"be my friend" was a classic...
follow me, addme, don't be a faggot.
transexy, gay, or bi...
i honestly don't give 2fucks, i just don' know y
if you made me cry because you made me laugh...
if you made me giggle and snort
from that one liner joke with a fork...
behind the monitor as i am happy
i am deeply thankful
but would feel crappy,
because i didn't think of something snappy
and quick to say, without someone saying...
LOLomfg that's gay
That's y i'm here,
to leave a caption or
something close to a cheer...
So how' would you ever,
get to really know me?
I regret to inform you , that i am
Sincerely Sorry
because obviously i just don't know you yet.
So hopefully with new things learned,
i am here to get better
at the things that would probably
make him or her wetter
but thatz to sexual,so let's stay contextual,
i honestly donno how you guyz do it,
but hopefully one day, i'd say screw it,
and get that feeling of accomplishment.
this took me about 2or3 hrs to think & read
i used rhymezone, i used google...
but i haven't yet used weed...
sorry but i tried to use my noodle,
and i ended up asking my poodle,
but i don't have one, i have a different dog
how's this for hoenasty...honesty*
i have no life nor do i have a wife...
and i know this will have to change eventually...
i hope you understand this one day...
but i'll probably update it anyway...
thanx so much for taking the time to read this...
and if you did, well some other people
might think it's bullshit...


awesome...thank you for taking the time to read the above, i really kinda hope you understand that this will all change eventually...but I try to remind myself everyday where I'm at.
We can judge anyone, what comes out of our mouth and our body, (how we move from it and it's result), will forever be you that does that. I just ate a strawberry, and so I myself consensually did it, but I can love and I can hate too.

CruelHandedWriter
Jamie Rhodes
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 8awards
Joined 20th Sep 2009
Forum Posts: 1426

So, I realised what this
was all about.
He was looking at me
like I was a machine;
scuffed knuckles
sweat pouring from my brow
completely out of breath.
"Which sins are you
atoning for today"
he said.

I laughed
and made a bad joke
about his mother.

He wasn't wrong though.
I am atoning,
and there's a long list
that I'm scrubbing out bit by bit.

When I hit the bag
I'm hitting my former self,
when I'm running
I'm outrunning him
and all of that cliché bollocks.

Anyhow, I fucked a lot of people
and know I'm fucking myself

In a good way, mind.  

shaunda
Fire of Insight
United States 13awards
Joined 19th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 261


Who's your daddy.
I've never been afraid of much in my life
Except for the boogey man that lived in our home

I was the keeper of family secrets for so many years, afraid of what would happen to my family if I ever told. It's terrible to be made to feel responsible for 8 brothers and sisters when you are so young.

I do have a secret that I was ashamed of for so many years.

I have a daughter named Venus. She is 33 years old and has NARP syndrome. She is almost blind, she can only walk for a block before her legs give out on her and she is learning disabled. She had 3 children, 2 of them died from the same disease she has and her surviving daughter has the same thing. Tiffany, her daughter was diagnosed last week with being deaf in one ear and she is near blind too.

I have always blamed myself for her Illness because there is a strong chance that she is my fathers daughter. I couldn't barely force myself to hug her because she was so un-normal and because I always thought she was a product of rape from my father and she disgusted me. My poor daughter deserved a much better mother than me.

I gave her to my mother when she was born because I couldn't touch her and felt repulsion and had crippeling panic attacks just being near her.

The first time I remember my father doing something to me I was 3 years old. When Venus was 1 yr old, I started having severe panic attacks and dreams about my father raping her. My mother has never liked me and flat out refused to give her back to me because she thought I was unfit to be a mother because of my drug and alcohol abuse. The Pot calling the kettle black.

I would never have forgiven myself for letting her stay there because I knew what would happen. I had to blackmail my father just to get her back. I told him id she wasn't back in my home within 2 days, I would tell my mother and everyone my father knew what he had done. He returned her to me the next day.

The sad part is that I could barely look at her without disgust, but I figured being with me would be a lot better than being with my parents. I had to fake feelings for venus because I didn't want her to grow up feeling unloved.

The sicker she got, the more I thought it was a punishment from god, because I truly believed that nothing good was allowed for me, only bad things were allowed. I knew she was my fathers child because of this very same thinking. I felt she was my punishment, my cross to bear, but for the sake of her I would act like I loved her and she would never have to know how i felt about her.

It has taken me all of my life, but I truly love her now and I will have to watch over her my whole life because she cannot fully take care of herself with the blindness and other problems.

I did the best I could for her, which of course is not good enough. But I tried and still try to do right by her. I still have to force myself to touch her, I get nauseated when I hug her and can't breath with severe panic attacks. But I do love her the best I can and she does not know that I feel this way. Thank God for that.

Well. That's my dirty little secret. There you go. Have at it.
I deserve any rebuke that you can heap on me but I'm ok with that.

I didn't know what else to do but to keep her from my father and do the best I could for her with such a damaged mind.

RevolutionAL
Alistair Plint
Dangerous Mind
South Africa 29awards
Joined 24th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1257

Hope it's okay if mine is here...

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/suggestions/read/103/30/

Looks up in awe *speechless*

J-D-E
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 22nd Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 39

dahlusion said:I confess to confessing
If you had said "I confess to confessing to confessing" it would have been an endless loop. one could have said you are the most guilty bastard in the world than. Assuming there is something wrong with confessing something? welp now my head is tired from pondering it.

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