Loved and lost.

deleted double posting apologies

Drowning in Death

Here we are sitting in the quiet night
I look at you under the soft moonlight.
Teardrops slowly fall from your beautiful eyes
And the sight of them makes me wanna die.
I know there were things that got in our way
There were times we hurt each other with what we had to say.
But I’m here now to say that everything will be okay
All our pain will someday go away.
We hug in a tight loving embrace
But then I see the look on your angelic face.
And realize that through your hope and love the pain is still there
So I wrap my arms tighter around you to show I still truly care.
I kiss your tears away and hold you close for a while
When I look at you again your frown turns into a smile.
As I pull you in for a loving kiss
Your face turns red, something I’ve come to miss.
Suddenly I’m alone, and when I look around you’re gone
I sit up in bed, heart racing and eyes blurry, it’s almost dawn.
From my eyes flows a new steady stream
As I realize that once again, it was only a sad dream.
Sobs rack my broken body, for you’re still not with me
I question your motives, is this really how it had to be?
Were you really that unhappy, was it really that bad
Couldn’t you instead focus on the special love that we had?
You’ll never know how bad you hurt me, you changed my very life
You can’t see what I’m trying to tell you, that I can’t put up with this strife.
You might as well be squeezing the trigger, or pulling the blade
Just accept it now, this is the decision that I have made.
I told you what would happen if I ever lost you, but you didn’t believe me
So now because of you there’s a dead body floating out at sea.
You didn’t wanna talk or listen to me, and now your old lover is dead
I hope you never forget what you did and the guilt never leaves your head.
When you start getting sad again, there’s something I want you to know
YOU did this and caused this shit, YOU’RE the one who let ME go.
And if you decide to visit my gravesite, remember this hun
I still won’t forgive you for all the shit you’ve done.
Because even in death I remember the hurt and the stabbing pain
I remember the feeling of being rejected and left alone in the freezing rain.
So go ahead and try to get rid of the guilt, the regret, the sorrow
But it's still going to be there when you wake up tomorrow.
You should’ve been honest, but instead you lied
And now you’re the reason that I committed suicide.
Go now with this knowledge, and live your sad life day by day
I’ve shared my heart, there’s nothing left for me to say.
I finally understand that the pain and hurt will never cease
And now because of you I lay under a stone that says "Rest in Peace".

You Lost

My dear ex, you think you’ve won, but really you just lost  
You didn’t realize all the consequences of this, all the cost.  
I tried to change your mind, but in the end you didn’t listen to me  
Now because of your foolish choices, alone is all you’ll ever be.  
At first you made me cut, starve, burn, and want to die  
But you can’t hurt me anymore, and it’s time to say a final goodbye.  
We had so many dreams to fulfull, you and me  
But now all you’re going to be is a sad memory.  
I’m sad, broken, and torn, but it’s even worse for you  
Because without me in your life you don’t know what to do.  
You put on a smile and act happy to cover up your pain  
When inside your mistake is making you go insane.  
You’re starting to realize how alone you feel without me by your side  
You’re starting to feel the emptiness, like part of you has died.  
It’s been a month now, and still you haven’t said a word  
But I don’t know if you realized something, if you heard.  
That it’s too late to try again now  
The curtain has closed, I’ve taken my final bow.  
I no longer want to listen to anything you have to say  
Maybe if you hadn’t made me wait a month and a day.  
For while I still love you, I can’t let you do this to me anymore  
I have to shut you out of my life and close that door.  
Because of you I cannot love the same  
I keep reliving the pain, wondering if i ever won't be a pawn in this sick game.  
You’ll never know how bad you hurt me, how I wanted to just die  
And I’ll never know what caused you to do this to me, and why.  
We could’ve had something special, we could’ve made it last  
But now I guess you’re just another thing in the past.  
I hope one day you see what you did to me, every tear, every scar  
I hope you feel regret every time you look up and see our special star.  
One thing I know for sure is that you are blind, and can’t see the cost  
And that when it comes down to it, in the end, I won...and you lost.

ABCs


Alone now in the cold night
Because you left me to suffer
Cut me with your piercing words, and now I...
Drown in depression and sorrow
Everything I thought was true was a lie
Fuck you, fuck this, fuck it all
Get out of my heart, get out of my life
Hell is awaiting you for what you've done
It's too late to apologize now
Just accept the consequences for your sins and crimes
Know that you just threw away the chance of a lifetime
Love you had, everlasting and overflowing
Maybe if you hadn't waited so long
Now it's too late, I've faded away and it's...
Over now, once and for good
Pray that you'll be forgiven for what you've done
Question yourself over and over why you did it, and was it worth it, you...
Ripped my heart out 
Shredded it into pieces  
Then threw it away in the dirt 
Unforgiven and unloved is what you are now
Vicious and heartless is how you acted towards me
When will you ever learn, when will you see
X marks the spot on my chest where my heart goes
You need to put it back please, for it's no longer yours
Zero...it's the amount of love i have for you now, it's all you'll ever have

Crimsom Memories

_ "Let me take your breath" you've said
_  "but I need to see how we get here"
_ "I will burn your skin, with all these memories scatered here"
 
I'd tried to save
everything we've build, everything we had
but there's nothing of that
when I look to your eyes
honestly I got enough
 
but now, I'm taking my own way
this is not about you
this is not about me
this is braking, no one can fix it at all
I just want to be alone
just leave alone
 
Break, shout, take this out
and the things we leave behing
fainted memories created to pretend,
 
Scream loud, breaking up
all the things I leave behind
crimson memories forgotten at the sea.

Breakfast Table

It was at the breakfast table,  
that we first touched lips,  
tongues, cheekbones, chins  
the moon, dripping and sad  
invading the atramentous block  
that was her kitchen.  
 
My pink flesh probed hers,  
curious, queer  
so different than the kiss of a man  
Desire, begging, question  
fleeting sexuality  
 
And we continued to kiss,  
a fish feeding along the ocean floor,  
Her mouth tasting of the slick,  
glossy, artificial sheen that coated  
her lips,  
and mine tasting  
of the words of sorrow and glee  
pleading of question  
that I had devoured in shy attempt  
to keep my attraction to her  
a locked secret.  
 
Our kiss wrote stories of passion and sin  
of heat and time to grant the future  
it captivated my attention wading  
into the riptide of her asphalt eyes.  
Her intrigue, a lead bar placed across my throat,  
and then friction, the collision of our  
sexuality,  
and we withered to nothing more than  
a pink flower, pressed against the pages  
of our own thick book, dried to the point of crumbling,  
leaving me with nothing more than memories of  
experiment, friendship, meloncholia, and concussion,  
 
the distance across the breakfast table  
seeming so much greater now.

Had I Known That The Heart Breaks Slowly



Had i known that the heart does break
that thinking of lost love makes my heart ache
had i known that the heart will bleed
i would have never ever dared to dream
never allowed myself to have cared
no, had id known i wouldn’t have dared

had i known that loss of love, left scars
i would've closed my heart off to the world
Yes, had i known that the heart breaks,
that my heart would ache,
had i not followed to where love would lead,
i'd have never, had to bleed

i cant turn back time, nor wish,
that my heart wasn’t shattered, how i wish
i had known that the heart breaks slowly,
that i never DARED , loved so carelessly.

had i known that the heart does break,
and that the heart breaks slowly.....

I didn't count the days
I havent watched the clock.
Unfortunatley though
I have all but forgot.

As I look out my window
and watch the passing cars.
I feel at my wrists
and trace those scars.

I doubt you'd remember
the time on your bed.
Where you moved the pillow
and stroked my head.

You whispered to me,
"I'll never let you go."
and I believed every word,
but now I know.

I've cut, I've burned
til' my skin was too hot.
And still, I have
all but forgot...

love is sweet with a twisted smile

we've been together for a month or two
and we started to mention the three worded
demon I LOVE YOU she never told me but i could
see in her eyes the three worded demon came to soon
laughted and kissed in the park like kids
2 weeks later we started making love
we both felt like angels from above
but the pain that came after could never really
explained we broken up with some question un-answeared
never really knew love could cut so deep and feel so steap
come to find her ass was dating a close friend of my and that
same nigga i loved like a brother but i dont think he loved her
ass but now i dont give a shit about both them motherfuckers
loves got a twisted face that she likes to keep undercover
to surprise and shock her next miss-leed lover

Changes


There are two worlds that you live in, you know I hate to admit,
in one of them I'll live with you, in the other, I don't fit.

As I saw, when I just met you,
you are changing very fast.
You are not the girl I once knew,
that girl belongs now to the past.

But my feelings were so real
and I couldn't really grasp
all the changes, the whole deal
now I know, we couldn't last.

As I pack my things to leave here
you are happy somewhere else.
This is written just for you dear.
That's the story my heart tells.

it's called letting go

I'll light up matches
to burn sheer longings,
memories, melancholies,
sorrows, blues and black
so i could have a night
with Morpheus again.

my haeart is broken and the only one who  can fix it is one who broke it....
        i am satisfied that my heart had broken because now i come to know that love hurts too much...:(

Sleepwalker.

It's been two weeks since I lost him.
Maybe it's been two months
and odd days here and there
that echoed with apathy

There is a heaviness in my walk
I did not carry before
and I dwell, as if caught in a dream
and always looking for exit signs

He was my perfect air
the place where dreams collided
intricately with my sleep;
I waltzed a thousand life times with you

caught in the melancholy of love
that laid so softly beneath your fingertips
the anchor of your lips
holding me tightly and wholly true

but now I've lost you.
I wander alone in wonderland
searching for the trails of your essence
that will once again make my one, a two

release my heavy heart, dear one
hold me steadfast in your love tonight
embrace me in your strong arms instead
like you do, every night,

inside my gentle head.

Till At Last

Your hand I once did hold
And your words of love I was told
Sweet whispers in my ear
Grew passion where once there was fear

Hearts joined in this desire
Gave way for loves eternal fire
Years of lust we enjoyed
And breaking hearts we did avoid

Love sparked our tight embrace
Bringing pleasure upon your face
Sweet moans gracing your voice
Meant you were happy with this choice

Great memories we shared
Till death do we part we declared
That came too soon you see
Now you’re gone and alone I’ll be

A heart lost way too soon
I wanted to give you the moon
Wait for me till at last
Our love will not be in the past

Was it Good for You ?

I was only hopin`
For a fraction of what you professed
I still cant figure out
If Im cursed or am I blessed?
I swear I applied myself
but wiped out on the test
You`re no Ma Teresa
But you a Mutha nonetheless

What the fuck baby
You gotta be jokin
What hydroponic
Copin mechanism you smoking?
We held the stuff of dreams
With all the trimmins
Im still ready and willin
While Im waitin on a mercy killin

but Was it Good for You baby?

I don’t know whats worse
To lose the Universe
Or be blinded
Hopelessly Looped in the search
Im stuck without a shaman
strong enough to lift the curse
and there aint no sanctuary baby
cause` you shuttered down Our Church

but was it good for You?

What the hell baby..
my head is still spinnin`
I don’t  feel like livin
Ever since you stopped givin
We were a work in progress
now its all broken
I dread it every time
yo mouth starts to open

with a snap of your fingers
you could make me crawl
you feign bad reception
whenever I call
I`m left out here solo
still wailing` Our song
and I`ll be damned
cant figure what I done wrong

but Was it Good for You?

things were said baby
I know you were there
my rational mind's aware
that we`re dealing with layers
cold reason aint much confort
as my humanity tears
I could save part of myself
if I knew that you still cared

such a FINE politician
deny, deny , deny
You leanin to the left
all the while reserving the right
I`m convinced it`s True
Deep inside you want me too
I thought you had the balls
to follow through

once you begged me for more
now you kicked my ass out the door

I was your Soul Salvation
Now Im on permanent vacation

I was your ultimate man
but ya flushed me down the can

Our love was more than Symbolic
now I`m an in denial alchoholic

but Was it Good for You baby?