A Non-Person

Dark Eyes


I remember the black ligth in your eyes,
the razor of your lips,
leaving me behing,
your body, my blood,
my head, your hands...
 
Washing my memories
like a fire storm of damaged pleasure          (just say a word to kill the pain..... )
I fall everyday, everytime,
anyway.                                                                (anyway)  
 
Your voice rising on the wind
the ways you made me feel
a world of losted fantasies, drowning
Your love so fine,
the fire starts
 
Brake my knees and make me crawl
You gaved your love to me
but now you take it back,
your body my blood,
my head your hands.
 
SInking our memories
on a fire storm of damaged pleasure              (just say a word to kill the pain.....)
I fall everyday, everytime,
anyway.                                                                          ( ....anyway).
 
 
Your voice rising on the wind
the ways you made me feel
a world of losted fantasies, drowning
Your love so fine,
the fire starts

Dead To You (Giving Him A Piece Of My Mind)

Tell me was I even born?
Explain to me why you refuse to conform?
Survived too many quiet storms
I've tooted a million horns
But still you remain deaf to my pitch
The feedback was poor
My voice velvety and rich
I don't quite understand why you choose to ignore
My yearning for your attention span
Listen to me man
Please don't underestimate my intelligence
I'm trying to make perfect sense
Of what's going on here
Because to me it appears
That I'm not really making myself clear
What is it that you fear?
What are you so afraid of?
I'm curious to see what you're made of
But I guess I'll never know
Because you won't educate me
I'm willing to learn and grow
But instantly you hate me
Back in my box I go
Curled up in my own little corner
Why are you so slow?
Your impression could've been warmer
But instead
It was lifeless, cold, and dead
It weighed heavy in my head
Just like lead
You've laid the egg that hatched negative thinking
But what do you care?
You're not the one drinking
Or ripping out your hair
Do I even exist to you at all?
Never in my life have I felt so small
I'm going through withdrawl
Draining myself of rejection
Denied my affection
A dissection straight through my midsection
Your silence cut me deep
No memories to keep
I couldn't sleep
Wide awake with regret on my mind
You could've said hi
But that would've been too kind
So next time
I'll follow in your footsteps and walk on by

Nikki

oh my god
this hurts like hell
how'd we end up here
this smoke filling my head is trying to escape
and it isn't going the right way
melting right through my brain
my sources are disoriented in this heavy acid washed rain
that melts me down to my bone
in a catatonic state lying next to the phone
off the hook
sounding with static that fills the air
between me and my.
Nikki
ohh Nikki
why'd you hurt me so bad
with your la la la lies
i just died a little inside
when you changed your heart
we had such a wonderful start
but when we went around the bend
we found our end
Nikki
ohh Nikki
i'm done writing you love poems
to whoo you over
buying you flowers
every wednesday and leaving them at your door
you knight has fallen
Nikki
ohh Nikki
do you know how bad this hurts
after our over extended goodbye
I I I will never arise
from this early grave
stuck under winter snow
struck 10 feet deep
waiting for my train
Nikki
ohh Nikki
do you know how much this pain
ohhh this pain!
hurt me waiting in the heavy acid washed rain!
in a place that was unfamiliar without you
its true
its true
Nikki
ohh Nikki
I'm listening to the mixtape that i made you
as its ruined by this rain
and the pain seeps into my soul
so deeper then my flesh
washing away my distress
as i miss you
Nikki
ohh Nikki
you didnt feel this pain
that you left me with
in your vain
decisions..
lost to me
in transit
as i stepped onto the track soaked in heavy acid washed rain
the pain
ohhh the pain
was the least of my worries
because i knew i was alive
diving deeper into
the ocean of my mind
Nikki
ohh Nikki
where'd the time go...
sitting here under my rusted facades
or were they yours?
i cant tell now that their falling all around
my world comes crashing down
nothing is left of our imaginary town
eaten away by this heavy acid washed rain
mask seem to laugh at me
my heart is bandaged and broken to soul
the sun doesnt shine
as my eyes
try to find yours
in the stormy gray sky
you dissapeared
and i never once regretted the things we said
Nikki
ohh Nikki
come back to me
join me in the rain
maybe it wont be so deadly
maybe it wont hurt so much
come take away my pain
because right about now i feel like a nobody
Nikki...
ohh Nikki
im sorry you lay bruised
Nikki..
ohh Nikki
but it wasn't me
who caused the scars
that i tried to fix
you
ohh you just wouldn't let me!
even though i loved you
Nikki
ohh Nikki
this smoke fills my head and this drink lies deeply
in my stomach bed
with the acid washed rain runoff
stained red
from the rust
that coated our old places
and the pictures of our faces
together
Nikki
ohh Nikki
i miss you...

Sitting in the room with those people, hearing all of their chatter
Why is it that whenever I talked, it didn’t even seem to matter

Try again, I whispered in my head
Someone needs to hear your opinions, learn, just repeat what you said

Why bother at all, they are just sitting as they pretend
That one is better than the other, but I know that we all die in the end

I cannot forget where I came from, I am me
It shapes every word from my mouth, you see

They act like they all are above the person sitting next to them
Not even hearing the words that I try to powerfully send

Is it my body, my face, or my carefully chosen clothes
Will I ever fit in or be accepted, who knows

It was a struggle, despite my high level of education
Yet somehow when I was near them, I only felt their degredation

Not one of them tried, just did their duty as instructed
And my success hinged on them, from the beginning I was obstructed

An outcast from another city, it didn’t help that I was a bit pretty
Some tried their best to outshine me, in the end, it was such a pity

Standing there in front of them, I felt the weight of the world
Would I make it without them?  The story never got told

Doing my personal best, I toiled for many a year
Trying not to hold grudges or cave into my fear

Being in such a position of power
You are expected to tower

Sometimes it is futile to make yourself known when you are a newbie
It takes a strong person with guts, thick skin, and confidence, you see

It was not meant to be, all of the work that I did
I will always wonder if I made a difference in the lives of just one kid

Mirror, Mirror

With a steady eye,
I watch them move,
From door to door,
Room to room,
Vicious words mutter from their mouth,
Words that cut deep into the skin,
They burn into your soul,
Making the pain begin,
They act if you don't have,
Ears to hear their hate,
Sitting next to you,
The feelings they reinstate,
And when you fill with tears,
One by one they fall,
Here comes the,
Curtain call...

So next time I start to rant,
Please remind me that I live alone,
To remove these mirrors from my wall,
And leave my hatred unbeknown,
For no one else could tell,
When I make comments to myself,
Bringing these tears back,
To one half of ourself...

Hospital Nobody-

Lets cement to that bitch, her softening thoughts,
watch them tumour and burn, and knot till they've caught
hold of her sinking
depreciative mind.
As there's little left of her faith that we haven't yet resigned.

Go on see her eyes exhale back in her skull-
to the thoughts of existence back when it was dull
and pretty and safe, with a kind-settled-hinge,
left with space for our works where society could singe.

I can taste that repertoire that feasts on her tongue
begging me and pleading to undo the what we've done.
But as cancer exists, I profound in my speech,
the hope to knuckle so deep that chemo couldn't reach.

You, tiny freckled girl, with tea-party-innocence,
see so little in your blood that bled with such diligence.
You know we danced in the street to the red putrid phase,
that wed you, and bed you, through your primary-school days.

You're a nothing.
A no one.
An ever-so-slow-one.

That's why I line you with vigour,
and scrape hate with such rigour.

As the cannula in your hand,
will not mend nor expand,

to fit the flow of self-hate I’ve broken-
the doctor's orders left unspoken.

Too young to marry

Tethered on an old school rail,
The matron awakes;
creaking gates of hell
Marching up the garden path,
Is a living breathing aftermath
A trucker in a formal atire,
Stopping at the entrance to admire,
All the girls in their ankle length dresses,
cept' for I, who he patted on the head like a child

HEARING WHAT'S NEVER BEEN SAID

You said you cared about me
Said if you ever lost me
It'd be hard to breathe
you said you'd reach for me,
If I ever happen to be falling away,
Smiles in your face as you whispered
I am everything you needed in a man

As long I love you
you'd be here to stay,
So how come I'm guessing
If you still love me same way,

If you loved me I wouldn't have to guess,
You must have been tired of me
'cause you feelings just left,
I think im hearing what's never been said,
Must have been lying to me
'cause you left with nothing to explain,

If you loved me that much,
I'd never be the one to have to guess,
So I think i hearing whats never been said.

'mister business suit. [i'm more rich than you]'




I met a man today.
in the convenience store. business suit
and gourmet coffee for fifty cents.
he almost smiled at me
when he spoke.

his words- half trite, half nothing at all
when he said
'son. you'll never get anywhere in life
looking like that'


and I almost smiled at him. when I spoke back.
words meek and full of sarcastic tremors.
this moment monger. treading on my tattooed skin.
like he knew the story of my life.
that smug grin. and I merely said.

'but sir.
you'll never be able to live the life
you achieve. being
like that'

and his face turned into a sneer, as he marched away
to his lexus. I'm sure it comforted him
to know I was still dirty from labor
while he was leaving his mundane life- to go home
to his trite existence.
and I'm sure he took pleasure.
when I nodded as I walked past his car.

to the friends in mine. smiles and memories.
yes. I'm sure his leather seats had more to offer.
mister business suit. to you.
I hope tomorrow.


you live.