Poetry competition CLOSED 26th February 2024 9:03pm
WINNER
Anonymous
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RUNNERS-UP: Kou_Indigo and Northern_Soul

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Fear and Self-loathing in Poetryville

toniscales
Lost Girl
Fire of Insight
United States 36awards
Joined 16th Dec 2014
Forum Posts: 420

Poetry Contest

Express your deepest fears, insecurities, doubts, and/or pain.

Hi. I'm Toni. I'd like you to write about your deepest fears, insecurities, doubts, and/or pain. Good luck with the competition! I'll start it off with a poem of mine. Thanks.

BEAUTIFUL BLACK FLOWERS

Every house on my street is neat  
And green and trim and linear  
Like something out of a Tim Burton  
Or John Hughes film.  
But I imagine the grass in my yard,
Dry and yellow and overgrown,  
To be opening its million tiny mouths,  
Thirsty. Water, please.  
Help.  
Please.  

I am female. This morning I am ripe,  
I smell of blood and longing  
And womanly things. I burn
And melt in adoration.  
Surely everything I touch
On my destination within this  
Quiet house must be scorched.  
There must be a million tiny black marks
Of my strange consciousness  
Everywhere.  

My mother's ashes lie beneath  
My brother's bathroom sink.  
I ache to sift my hands through them.  
Mommy. I have questions.  
Do you have answers.  
I feel like a mother doting on children  
Who secretly despise her  
And can't wait to leave the house.  
My heart races in my chest.  
I hear a thousand times a day,  
Help me. Mommy.  
Help.  
Me.  

Last night I dreamed  
I had a thousand sons.  
They were somehow all immigrants,  
Taking a boat to America  
To begin a new life.  
I stood on the pier, waving,  
I wanted to speak but my voice  
Wouldn't emerge.  
Don't forget me, I cried out in my head,
Don't forget me because I loved you.  
But their heads were already
Turned away, something new  
And exciting awaited them.  

Now, beautiful black flowers of mold  
Blossom on the walls.  
There is always a taste in my mouth,  
Some essence that lingers.  
I wonder if little things have taken root  
Inside my brain and slowly, softly fester.  
I smell of things right and not  
Quite right. Perfume from yesterday,  
That strange metallic scent of woman.  
It jars and snags the air.  
It's a fecund smell, it's rich
In something fertile and lush and full.  
But it's stale, its purpose is finished.  
Every month something leaves my body
That could have been human.
For some reason things are glitched.
There are skips and bumps in nature.
Nothing human will ever come
From me again.  

I will begin to move now.  
It is automatic, autonomic, it churns  
And clanks into gear without thought  
Or much programming.  
I think I can hear the grass today.  
It's so thirsty. Please, it screams,  
And all the voices from a million  
Tiny mouths are cracked and parched.  

A million tiny answering mouths  
Inside me are opening
Like horrible flowers,  
Trying to find their voice.  
I'm so thirsty, they cry.  
Please help.  
Answers.  
Answers.


https://youtu.be/VrbhhoSMw04

LongTubiFree
JustinSizemore
Thought Provoker
United States 3awards
Joined 13th Oct 2023
Forum Posts: 50

There I ran

In the Twilight glow, evening smells begin
yet here I sit, forgotten, only chosen when
they needed someone for entertainment
but when I ask for friendship they no longer smile
yes, I'm the weird kid for a while
but I know somewhere over the horizon sky
I will find a place made only for I,
and there, I will finally run, unshackled
at last unbound, every problem tackled
no more chains or weights to hold me down
no, in my place I wear the crown.
with a sad smile and a stout heart
I know perfection was never my part
in this beautiful tragedy we see on stage,
like the bird, waiting to flee my cage.
Yes, I know all too well that I'm not the man
but in my paradise, yes, there I ran.
Written by LongTubiFree (JustinSizemore)
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toniscales
Lost Girl
Fire of Insight
United States 36awards
Joined 16th Dec 2014
Forum Posts: 420

Thank you so much for your wonderful entry, Justin. Good luck in the contest!

wallyroo92
Tyrant of Words
United States 148awards
Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1804

I'm Broken

I’m broken
Fractured in the place underneath the core
Where the structure of existence and foundation lie
Where the texture of abstract thought has torn

It’s the phase when faith and creed are shaken
Reveling in the freedom of what the revelation brought
Wrought ceaselessly by the eons of perilous times
When then the vain and futile plans have come to naught

It’s the sinister void of all reason and purpose
The rupture in the framework of the mind
Slivering away, slowly caving in, unreeling
Till all the unholy fears are lived and wholly realized

Conflicted amid the ruins of lust and judgment
At the site where reflection has lost its drive
I’m frayed deep within the heart and spirit
That I love and loathe all of it at the same time

But still I strive to mend my errant ways
Trying to make some sense of it of all
Reticent and remorseful for the wasted days
Withered away in shattered pieces that took their toll

And yet the more I ponder the more I become flawed
The façade of phantom memories remain unspoken
Like gods and monsters at the table patiently awaiting
For the tipping point, unbalanced where I am broken
Written by wallyroo92
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Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
122awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 16209

Greatest Fears

My greatest fear is as a worm
tunneling through my veins
getting into my brain
and I listen helpless as mortality tick

I fear what's within time's walls
to hear the ticking of the clock
fearing the chimes of thirteen
fearing the key's click

I fear of not being asleep
and hear the footsteps
of father time
pacing the halls

I fear to count my minutes
to plummet into dreams
in the dark vastness
of vast gloomy fields without skies
Written by Grace (IDryad)
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toniscales
Lost Girl
Fire of Insight
United States 36awards
Joined 16th Dec 2014
Forum Posts: 420

Exquisite writing, Grace. Thank you so much for entering !

PAR
PAULO ACACIO RAMOS
Fire of Insight
Portugal 17awards
Joined 26th May 2022
Forum Posts: 221

divine non-being

In the vortex of being, a stillness whispers,
echoes nothingness, in chambers of silence.

Existing without essence, without the figure itself,
navigate chaos, without a compass of mercy.
Being is a burden, non-being is a torment,
the void extends into an endless abyss.
The pain of chaos, a lament in the wind,
a silent scream, in which I lose myself.

In the dance of time, steps without destination,
where being is chance, and non-being is divine.
The search for meaning, in tortuous paths,
reveals the irony of idle desires.
Post-eternal is the lament of an age without a face,
where being falls apart and non-being is heartbreak.

But in poetry, there is a meeting in the refuge of rest,
for the weight of being and the chaos that I tame.
Written by PAR (PAULO ACACIO RAMOS)
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crimsin
Unveiling
Tyrant of Words
United States 121awards
Joined 25th Jan 2011
Forum Posts: 2640

Regret

 
affliction dear please afford me this confession
assorted pain dances in my mind tormenting me
the ghosts of my children's childhoods

I see their baby faces
not enough food to sustain their grumbling bellies
they still visit me in my resting state
I see their young faces knowing I failed them
they haunt my existence I see threads wait more like nooses
troubling the present trying to hang them
 
none of my grown children want anything to do with each other
too many bad memories
still basically living in poverty
born in a pit of mother too young
a welfare trap seeking to stay generation-strong
 
I gave them up for adoption
though I still saw them
it was a desperate attempt to save them
sadly genetics have a say
and my children struggle much the same way I do
 
anxiety hits us all when one is anxious we feel it coursing through us
connected or tethered to each other
my son writes just like I do
a family trait my dad did before me
 
sacred honesty, I feel the pain of the world
I feel like I've let everyone down
my idea that good prevails over bad
died when my children were little
I am bitter with regret
I don't believe there is a lesson



Written by crimsin (Unveiling)
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Kou_Indigo
Karam L. Parveen-Ashton
Tyrant of Words
United States 69awards
Joined 15th Sep 2011
Forum Posts: 2796

Sorrow Amongst the Birchwood

- Sorrow Amongst the Birchwood -

My carriage rode this night past some old quaint lands,
With forests of white birch tall and slender in the dusk.
I saw places both familiar to me, and yet so changed…
That I knew time had passed, so many passing sands.
Old cornfields, now cold and lifeless; not a single husk:
That not so long ago, children played in and oft ranged!
Lost in thoughts of yesteryear, thinking of lonely hours,
Spent waiting for some love, some change in destiny…
I wait still, and fear that madness will rise from waiting.
My tears fell, weeping for lost innocence, faded flowers!
And a heart that yearns, for so much more, in dignity…
I cannot wait forever and I fear I will die of anticipating.

Should I have been another woman, born in other days!
Or is it enough simply that I be the best lady that I am?
More pious than any monk, this lady so faithfully prays,
For a love sweeter even, than the sweetest jellied jam.

My heart is all I have to give; my soul is all I am.
Can you love me just as much; can you love this woman?

I still see those white birch trees in my mind's own eye!
As they looked of old, spread out across the mountains.
Now only a forest remains, the trees lonely just like me!
I miss the warmth, of a simple touch, and for that I cry,
Even as I pass the old places where flowed fountains…
Born from springs of rock and stone, babbling gracefully.
I am just a lady, once something more, hoping for love…
But hope alone cannot sustain me; I need that warmth!
Lips to kiss, a hand to hold, a voice to whisper poetry…
I have prayed to gods and spirits, and all angels above,
Seeking, searching, as long gone have become months.
The wind blows cold, the snows fall, and not too subtly!

Should I have walked a different path down other ways!
Or is it enough simply, that I not veer from where I go…
Lest I wander too far, like a sheep that to a wolf strays?
For love calls to me, and I confess that I long for her so.

My heart is all I have to give; my soul is all I am.
Can you love me just as much; can you love this woman?

What will be my springtime, if more loneliness I endure!
Who shall I dance in the meadows with, heart carefree?
And who shall watch with me the setting of the far sun…
Is there no one, in all: the world, who will take my hand?
Can it be that hope is as scarce that the old birch tree…
But nay, I am resolved to hope as a quest that is begun.
Is my cause so impossible, that no power can do ease...
To my broken heart and tormented soul, with fair good?
I ask so little, and yet I may as well be asking far more!
Before love itself I bow and humbly utter simply please.
Forsake me not, and let not my heart harden as wood…
I tire of the long wait, as a soldier: tires quickly of a war!

Should I have told some lie, piled jewels upon old trays!
And, bought that love my heart could not gain honestly?
Or are my honest words enough, and worthy of praise…
To reach the heart of a maid, and find her so pleasantly!

My heart is all I have to give; my soul is all I am.
Can you love me just as much; can you love this woman?
Written by Kou_Indigo (Karam L. Parveen-Ashton)
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KittyFromHell
Dangerous Mind
United States 14awards
Joined 31st May 2013
Forum Posts: 654

Dare I?

I clutch my covers childishly  
And pull them close  
To burrow into the warmth of my sorrows.  
The chaos of years gone by
Have become nothing more than  
Settling dust and distant screams,
And this bubble I've created  
Has become quite cozy.  
 
I have snapped the necks
Of a dozen versions of myself.
Their ghosts linger  
As if to taunt me  
With glories and regrets  
Of my youth,
And their skin and bones  
Clutter my halls.
 
I hesitate to emerge  
From this state of reflection
And mourning.  
My soul is tired,
And my mind is plagued with delusions  
That keep me stagnant and afraid.
I still fight with shadows  
That I cannot see.  
 
To stay is to die a death  
More tragic than the grave,
And to move is to risk  
Shattering to pieces
The remains of my fragile being.
To be stone, to be glass,
Or to be free...  
Dare I?
Written by KittyFromHell
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Dohnangelo
Dohn Angelo
Strange Creature
United States
Joined 18th Feb 2024
Forum Posts: 2

Simple Deadly Changes

Change is such a funny little thing.
Our daily repetitive burnt out lives, longing for a slight difference in what is brought onto tomorrow.
Because one simple change can be all it takes for somebody to completely hit rock bottom.
But it also ought to be one of the most unexpected, subtly frightening things.

Because that night you see, things had changed so much for me.
Your soothing words flow like the lullaby of death and the silent impact is most disastrous.
For that night what seemed so simple, was far more impactful than anyone ever could have thought.
Because now with another on my mind I need to learn to not get so distraught.
Because growing love from another isn't something I’ve taken as the greatest grain of salt.

Though I find myself more angered at the one who’s eyes I meet in the mirror each morning.
Because I hadn’t thought I’d truly be ready to love after such a long period of mourning.
I guess love is a silent killer.
One uncaught and untamed, bringing little lies down in a bed unmade.
Nobody is ready for when love finally sets in their air.
Their breath consumed by the chemical balance of another, and the love woken from a deep slumber.

And here I thought I’d never be in the warm embrace of another.
I’ve wasted so much time grieving a loss that was not mine, to find myself under a suspect light.
Because need not get me wrong, I didn’t believe that love would be once again mine.
So it’s an incremental set of fear that I somehow have to get by.
Because looking up into the sky, and thinking of somebody new is something I didn't think I’d have to do.
At least not this soon.

It’s true what they say, “Believe it and it’s already yours,” because I’ve believed I’ve loved myself since the end of my mourning.
I just didn't believe that the love I gave myself would eventually be rewarded.

And until I did, what was already before me.
Became so much more clear, that cold winter morning.
Your text was unexpected, but it was needed.
Because of you now, I believe I can grow my love with you, in a healthier way this time as I perceived it.
 
Because although it’s somebody new, I’ve learned to stand my ground.
And not take advantage of the little words with such a powerful impact.

Because those words, I Love You, is what I hope to say to you, at the end of our life contract.
Written by Dohnangelo (Dohn Angelo)
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Connotation
Fire of Insight
United States 1awards
Joined 22nd Apr 2023
Forum Posts: 34

Loss of Inspiration

In the abyss of the deep, only grey matter reflected.
My breath was swept away by a witch's broom.
Secrets of dust were under a rug.
Astonishment took over like a surprise.
Magical, a flying carpet goes over my head, like deception.
The spell of time enthralled me with its flickering eminence of expiration.
My candle was hidden and about to burn out.
Hands on the wall, 6 o'clock, my attention was arrested.
Straight up and down, a power broadcast.
The thief in the night came and ransacked.
   
My captivated spirit.
Creative virtue in my morality and conscience is gone.
My heart becomes melancholic lachrymose.
Sorrow in my thoughts, words, and actions.
Demons tricked my mind so idle, it's an intense question.
Longing for my lost identity, I tried to see.
I try to reassemble the art within me.
The fire burning inside of me was smoldering.
Tears underneath, the burning books dampened the air.
Choking respiration.
   
Vacuous temperance.
Cold, sparce, barren, then empty.
Suggestion becomes removed, voided.
The canvas of my imagination, endlessly dark.
Space upon space, as I found no solidarity in motion to ground myself.
Twisted, warping, shrouded expansion.
Through the hallowed echos.
Far beyond, past tohubohu.
Uncertainty served as the torture of trying to remember.
Forgotten dreams, when immediate vision is woken to reflect.
   
There is wicked unrest in trying to find semblance.
Stirring up what was underneath, chaotic, confused depth-perception.
Everything changing, wonder feigning.
Amassed concentration.
Mystique became a turbulent blackhole.
Inquisitive intrigue, nullified to nothing.
No way to escape this gravity.  
Fallen through, weighing situation.
No rabbit hole, nor coming back.
Oblivion, struggle.
   
Profound like-comparison and literal meaning blended together.
Only the proof of skulls and snakes in my failure to conceive.
Mind separated from heart.
Lobbying and catering, physical, carnal mortality.  
Rather than forgive, accuse with fact.
Hold someone responsible and accountable.
Point a finger, hide a mirror.
Dullard standards.
Sensed in any setting.
No absolution of life, innocence, freedom, truth, and purpose.
   
Eloquent luminaries, perplexed.
Loquacious language, lacking.
Choosing to surrender, I give into it.
The subjugation of reality and insanity.
The thought police handcuff my decision and will.
Remind me that I only know one color, when I gaze.
It's the same as the prison cell of my ambition.
I am In between, nowhere.
Acceptance of infinite resolution, impossible.
Loss of inspiration.
Written by Connotation
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LiamReeduus
LiamReedus
Fire of Insight
Ireland 5awards
Joined 11th Apr 2019
Forum Posts: 30

Meet the real me

How many people have to die in these streets.
Rest in peace my brother, I pray you finally found peace.
It would be a lie if I didn't say I never thought of death.
There's times I feel I'm all that's left.
You've been taken in all your good, I'm left after all I've done wrong.
Life has no remorse and carries on.

I bury another brother, but I can't let them see me cry.
I know what happened, just can't get my mind to understand why.
We sat laughing talking bout things we've done.
Young Cats don't understand what it means to live under the stress of the gun.
Lost my brother at the young of age of nine.
The image of his blood all over me still haunts my mind.

Look in the mirror bearing marks from beatings past.
Some seem they'll still be here after I pass.
Three in the morning I feel a pain in the back of my head.
My fifth birthday sprawled in the floor not sure if I'll soon be dead.
Eight years of this every day.
Developed my mind to this is loves way.

Took all I could and the catalyst takes affect.
Struck back leaving my demon like they had been placed in a wreck.
Fear of the repercussion I ran.
Thirteen years do the only thing I can.
Walking to schools in the morning a foul stench in the air.
Find a dead body laying in a ditch but for the most no one seemed to care.

So I ask again how many people have to die in these streets.
Rest in peace sister, I pray you finally found the peace.
Million things haunting me from the past after all these years.
Tu Pac said it best that's just the way it is.
She was much younger than me walking the line.
I was proud of my little sister, yet some drunk took her before her time.

Learned early on I could take the abuse and I wasn't too bad at the same with my own hands.
Gained a whole new crew of friends.
Making money for the first time it seems, afford to do what I need.
Little did I know each shot, snort, and smoke just planted an evil more seed.
Never knew this was going to so early send me to living hell.
Waking up everyday six by eight cell.

One year released, to the same streets that made this beast.
Knowing in my mind, no one cared in the least.
Life full of irony.
Old enemies decide to put a bullet in me.
Brought me asking the wrong question of why?
As hard as I was in life I was ready to die.

So I ask again how many people have to die in these streets.
Rest in peace my love, I pray you finally found your peace.
Your beauty no way I could think of anything that compared.
Wasn't til you had been buried, I knew your grave was shared.
Vengeance filled my heart, the one that took your life deserved to suffer.
I wished I had never introduced you to these drugs, now I pay with the knowledge, I killed my child in the womb and its mother.

I'm not asking anyone to show me pity, I created my Hell.
But help you understand the man I came to hate so well.
I grow so weary of the life lost in these streets.
I pray you all find your peace.
I pray none of you grow to become me.
Open your eyes to what you're doing, God gave them to you to see.

I pray hard that one day I finally find my peace.
Try my best to keep the ones I love now from living in these streets.
Written by LiamReeduus (LiamReedus)
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NANCY_RDZ_STORIES
WRITER LYRICIST ARTIST
Fire of Insight
United States 5awards
Joined 9th Jan 2020
Forum Posts: 162

CROWN MADE OF TEARS

In the deep end of my heart  
A gloaming cold river streams  
Icy water that only flows in the dark  
Where I keep my special dreams  
Royal to it's throne exquisite art  
 
Hear echoes of memories that sustain
The past without a name  
Pure happiness now a beautiful pain
I want it to downpour tons of rain
Caress my agonizing brain
I only want to know if my king has finally came!!!
 
If only there be hope but only gets caliginous  
No care cause the vicious despair  
Waiting on downhearted wishes  
Closing my swollen eyes I see his stare  
And as I open them he vanishes  
Into thin air....  
 
I can't be anywhere but there  
It is where....  
I belong.....  
Hearing music of misery songs  
For how long???  
 
Dry it before I drown  
I cry myself to death  
I must be a queen cause I wear a crown  
It's made of tears holding it with just my breath  
There is no sun or moon that goes up or down  
See me wear this long train river gown  
 
Hold my hand and save me baby  
Don't let it kill me  
Come with your sun  
Gun me your love before I'm gone  
 
Baby Hold me to forever  
Don't let it become a never  
Come with your sun  
Let's run with love before I'm gone
 
 
Crown made of tears, sapphire blue  
Each droplet a reminder of sorrow and rue  
A weight on my head, heavy and true  
But beauty and strength it imbues  
For every tear is a testament  
To the courage within my spirit's firmament  
 
Broken heart pieces found under water  
Heavy gravity and its getting deeper  
 I release many tears they go further  
I'm waiting for you to be near  
Waiting in this dour circle  
Too numb to feel fear  
 
If only there be hope but only gets caliginous  
No care cause the vicious despair  
Waiting on downhearted wishes  
Closing my swollen eyes I see his stare  
And as I open them he vanishes  
Into thin air.....  
 
I can't be anywhere but there  
It is where....  
I belong.....  
Hearing music of misery songs  
For how long?  
 
Dry it before I drown  
I cry myself to death  
I must be a queen cause I wear a crown  
It's made of tears holding it with just my breath  
There is no sun or moon that goes up or down  
See me wear this long train river gown  
 
Written by NANCY_RDZ_STORIES (WRITER LYRICIST ARTIST)
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