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Poetry competition CLOSED 11th November 2023 7:37pm
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Good Old Fasioned Dirty Limericks

Thought Provoker
United Kingdom 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 81

Poetry Contest

Write an original dirty funny Limerick

It's been a long time since we had a dirty funny Limerick competition.

The funnier the better.

It doesn't have to be dirty if it's funny.

One per person

Originality is welcomed.

We could do with a light hearted comp.

There once was a woman from Devizes...
There once was a man from Nantucket...

It doesn't have to be a strict Limerick

This is a simple format A rhymes with A, B rhymes with B, last line rhymes with A

A Line 1 [8-9-10 syllables]
A Line 2 [8-9-10 syllables]
B Line 3 [5-6 syllables]
B Line 4 [5-6 syllables]
A Line 5 [8-9-10 syllables]


Fire of Insight
United Kingdom 26awards
Joined 15th Sep 2019
Forum Posts: 473


A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
Written by Razzerleaf
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Fire of Insight
Joined 13th May 2018
Forum Posts: 357


a story, in limericks

I dropped to my knees with my nuts wracked—
My girlfriend just bitch-slapped my nutsack!
    She called me a perv
    When I dared have the nerve
To suggest that I fuck her ass, bareback!

A mere moment I had to defend
When she hauled off and slapped them again!
    And I wailed in defeat
    Most high-pitched and effete
Getting wracked-up that hard by my girlfriend!

As I clutched hold my ball-busted crotch
She was pleased to just stand there and watch
    Her rebuke of my gaffe
    Seemed much worse when she laughed
At my ego and testicles squashed

On my knees I bent over and retched
Then she seized my sore nutsack and stretched
    She took hold from behind
    And declared, "These are mine!"
As she lifted my ass with a wrench

She said, "Baby, don't make such a fuss!"
As she lifted me up by the nuts
    But more screams soon escaped
    As my balls lost their shape
With convulsions down deep in my guts

Overwhelmed by my girl's new-found brawn
And the swift change that she'd undergone
    She was girlish and shy--
    Now I'm forced to comply!
She asserted herself as my Domme!

On my knees with my face to the floor
And my ass in the air like a whore
    Soon a strap-on surprise
    Left my anus resized
When she slammed it in clear to my core

As I cried out in shame from the shock
Ass impaled by her big rubber cock
    That kept churning inside
    As she spanked my backside
It was two days before I could walk

She said, "Hon, it's now time that you learned
If  you fuck with your Domme, you get burned!
    Now our places are swapped
    You're no longer on top!"

That's when something inside of me stirred

As she pegged me with all of her might
She kept slapping my ass through the night
    And my manhood was shamed
    But my prostate got trained
And come morning I wept with delight!

Written by ReggiePoet (Reggie)
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Tyrant of Words
Canada 43awards
Joined 30th July 2020
Forum Posts: 918

Lady from Paris

There was this lady from Paris
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Written by robert43041 (Viking)
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Thought Provoker
United States 2awards
Joined 13th Oct 2023
Forum Posts: 50

Everybody is a Weiner

Welcome to Stiffy's weiner palace!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Written by LongTubiFree (JustinSizemore)
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Thought Provoker
United States 13awards
Joined 4th May 2022
Forum Posts: 236

Dirty Laundry Ne'er Air nor E'er Share


On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.


Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks

Sponsor: James_A_Knight

Form: Limerick Laundered

Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt

Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
Written by Jordan (D.O.C.)
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Thought Provoker
United Kingdom 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 81

Thanks to everyone for these great limericks.
My favorite so far is Razzerleaf. However as humour is subjective this will def go to a public vote.

Tyrant of Words
United States 144awards
Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1734

The Baker

I told her I’d love to eat her poundcake
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?

Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries

Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons

“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly

I got hangry and heated and smokin’
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”

Written by wallyroo92
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Fire of Insight
England 13awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 236


AnDre James
Thought Provoker
Joined 18th Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 35

A Sexual Interlude Amidst Nature's Embrace: A Poetic Exploration of Temptation and Forbidden Desires in a Public Space

In a bush setting, we took a pause,
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Written by Dre_k47 (AnDre James)
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Thought Provoker
United Kingdom 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 81

Really great Limericks
Thanks for the great entries

Fire of Insight
England 13awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 236

Disclaimer: these Dirty Limericks are for a competition and are not representative of my work.

There was a young Beau from limerick              
who had an unfeasibly large dick,              
as he enters his Belle              
the whole town heard her yell         
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "              
Now, this young man from limerick              
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)              
well, his balls would clang              
when he shagged his Mam              
and that was their party trick.      
That lusty lad from old limerick      
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,      
but his buggery tube      
was empty of lube      
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."  
N.B.  my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
Written by Rew
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Tyrant of Words
United States 15awards
Joined 11th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 2340

loosey goosy

there once was a whore that went with no thong
the townsmen caught a wiff, they all wanted a sniff
yet her pussy was stale like an old mans dong!

terrible, I know haha

Tyrant of Words
United States 10awards
Joined 1st Sep 2021
Forum Posts: 63

Related submission no longer exists.

Thought Provoker
United Kingdom 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 81

Thanks for all the great limericks

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