Poetry competition CLOSED 23rd October 2022 10:58pm
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DeathRattle89
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RUNNERS-UP: Girthquake and Rew

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Delightfully bonkers #4: October

Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 945

Poetry Contest

How crazy can you be?
Welcome to the latest edition of madness. This is the home of all things illogical, silly, twisted, humorous, crazy and wrong!  You have three weeks to outdo each other in the weirdness stakes. In the past, we've had wordplay, soliloquy, dialogue, the scriptures according to mankind, raunchy ghosts and life lessons learned the hard way!

There are no rules, BUT... other people's sexual fantasies bore me to tears so I'm likely to skip over those. And keep the length kiiiiiind of reasonable please!

Wafflenose
Wafflenose
Ellie
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 945

My non-entry.

An occupational hazard

I like to write poems
but struggle with rhyming—
to do that, you need to have
rhythm and timing meter.

Some knowledge of synonyms  
won't go amiss—
so if that word doesn't fit,
you can use this another.

It pays to make sure  
that each rhyming word's strong  
because if they're not equal,
the poem sounds wrong contrived.

I find that by rhyming
my poems sound flimsy,
although I appreciate  
humour and whimsy lightheartedness.

Perhaps I should stick
to my usual style,
because trying to rhyme
always takes quite a while long time.

So it's out with constraints,
the word 'extravaganza',
and rhyming schemes...
because this is my last stanza verse.

Rew
Rew
Twisted Dreamer
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Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 17

wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1550

PoultryGeist

 
It was some time after the mad cow epidemic    
And all other diseases that affected the brain    
That an unheard-of infection went unreported    
Where the chickens from a farm had gone insane…    
     
My wife and I bought a place just outside of town    
Even though the housing market prices were very steep    
The agent disclosed that the previous owners had all died    
And as you can guess it, we got the farmhouse for cheap    
     
But once we moved in weird things started transpiring    
Open cupboards and broken dishes were a regular thing    
I thought may be racoons were sneaking into the house    
Until one night as we had dinner we saw flying chicken wings  
     
And although I loved to eat fried chicken weekly    
These strange occurrences only happened on those nights    
If we had baked chicken then there’d be clucking sounds    
All fucking night coming from the attic until morning daylight    
     
Another night as I was putting the kids to bed I heard a scream    
When I ran into the bedroom my wife was stuck up in the ceiling    
And though I was feeling a bit scared I remembered her to-do list    
“Honey,  while you’re up there, check the paint I think it’s peeling”    
     
My sons freaked us out the most (you know how funny boys can be)    
Laughing at snow on the T.V. like it was some sort of comedy show    
And though I was snacking on a piece fried chicken leg at the time    
I thought “OK, I must cleanse this house, but I’ll start tomorrow”    
     
My daughter then looked at the window and said “they’re here”    
An army of zombie ghost chickens had all come home to roost    
Hens were at my fence and hence I got hungry so I had a snack    
I remembered – dead family, insane chickens equals, oh, I deduced    
     
They had chicken knives and chicken pitchforks and picket signs    
Chicken wives had chicken cries that cackled chicken lives matter    
Unhatched eggs had legs sticking out walking along the lines    
But when they saw me eating chicken it only made them madder    
     
My oldest daughter came home to a bunch of pecking and clucking    
She screamed “What the fuck is happening?” with confusion and fear    
Immediately I called my agent and told them “You son of a bitch…    
You plucked them chucked their bones and buried them right here!”    
     
The earth was quaking, the house started shaking, so I stopped baking    
Because the host of chicken zombie ghosts were starting to flock    
Then we saw the biggest meanest looking rooster with the hens    
My wife with tears in her eyes said “Oh my, that’s the big black cock”    
     
I rushed into the kitchen and had one last bite of fried chicken    
No time to call the authorities to tell them we were under attack    
I got my keys and told my wife and kids “OK y’all time to dip”    
My family and I got in our station wagon and never looked back
Written by wallyroo92
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JiltedJohnny
JiltedJohnny
Thought Provoker
Netherlands
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Joined 8th Apr 2022
Forum Posts: 56

Hoi hoi
Choosing from so much beauty
Will be very hard to do
Maybe bonking delightfully
Is an option too???

Kind regards, Gus

Savaja
Savaja
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 30th June 2014
Forum Posts: 186

Crazies

 I do
Who doesn't?

Have the crazies
At times
I mean,
They're a sight
I'm a fright
Is that right?
Hmmm... Not quite.
I'm a sight
They're a fright
THAT might be right.

Oh,
Who cares?
I may
One day
Allay
My fears
Tears
(the kind you weep)
Or are they the kind that gnaw
And shred
Claws ripping
Strips of flesh
...Come peeling off
Oh yeah

Crazies
See?
They lurk beneath
Seeking relief
Every once in awhile
Seeking exit
Out they shriek
No remonstrance from me
Will cause them to flee
Though I wish I could
Shutter them, hood
Cloak
Maybe I'll flee
Run away free

Oh
Right
I can't very well do that, can I
As
They're me...
Written by Savaja
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Savaja
Savaja
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 30th June 2014
Forum Posts: 186

Weaving

Savaja
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Girthquake
Girthquake
Twisted Dreamer
United States
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Joined 12th Oct 2020
Forum Posts: 50

Shitwater

It's time for a change of pace and produce something new
So naturally the next step is to focus on poo
I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, did not intend to upset your daughter
I only tried to share a glass of my finest shit water
That pungent smell and the unmatched viscosity
These uncultured swine call it a terrible atrocity
They fail to consider the potential of art
One can produce with a fugazi fart
So coat your brush as well as ink blotter
This modern Picasso paints with only shit water
A master of strokes and a blender of cultures
The smell is so awful it repels even vultures
Create new beginnings while the toilet faces slaughter
The power within comes from stanky shit water
Written by Girthquake
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Girthquake
Girthquake
Twisted Dreamer
United States
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Joined 12th Oct 2020
Forum Posts: 50

What Hurts The Most?

Women say childbirth is worse than getting kicked in the nuts
They ignore the pain that shoots from scrotum to guts
Delivering a child has an end goal, a beautiful reward
A nut shot has no meaning, no rhyme, no chord
However testicular destruction is the ultimate euphoria
So I must agree with the women, I really feel for ya
Written by Girthquake
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poet Anonymous

<< post removed >>
Rew
Rew
Twisted Dreamer
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Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 17

Rew & Prue

I shall dig you up, my Mother,
then lay my body on your bones
and we shall meld with one another
Mother, we shall birth a clone.

My brain's indeed enough for two
your memories are intact
we shall twin again be Rew and Prue
to regain that which we lack.

So lie still Mother, lie easy,
please do not torment me so
although I feel a little queasy
I've not much further to go.
Written by Rew
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Rew
Rew
Twisted Dreamer
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Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 17

Only my Heads   (a Rondeau.)

Only my heads too big to fruit  
those that hide in all birthday suits,  
those that irritate like mad cats  
or those great big concrete slab hats  
I dither now, which way to choose?  

There are things which glow green cloud chutes  
beyond the isle of lamb-like brutes  
whom have no grief coz not got mats  
Only my heads...  

I'll teach those brute lambs how to toot  
tunes while you rehouse those mad cats  
beneath that concrete slab hat, that's  
why, there's nothing here which is cute,  
Only my heads...
Written by Rew
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Jordan
Jordan
D.O.C.
Twisted Dreamer
United States
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Joined 4th May 2022
Forum Posts: 43

Wanted: Nanny with Switchblade

or  

Mrs. Banks' Walk-in Shoe Closet Charged with a Felony Theft of Two Trillion Pounds --
Strangely Enough, the Precise Equivalent of the United Kingdom's National Debt  

"In a non-judgmental effort to walk but a mile in the United Kingdom's shoes,
the United States' national debt currently limps at thirty trillion dollars."
-- the unpossessed non-possessor of credit cards    
 
*   *   *  
 
"Spend not one tuppence yet to wax your pubes,  
no farthing to remove your chronic warts;  
your brolly must come armed when in the tubes  
to hack off penguins sticking out their shorts;  
no floating on cloud nine near Smoggy Town;  
no spooning sucrose in one toy teacup;  
no boobs on ceilings laughing upside down;  
no sliding puss on railings -- down or up;  
nor still a "su-per-ca-li-fra-gil-is-  
tic-ex-pi-a-li-do-cious" ever sing;  
or backwards "do-cious-a-li-ex-pi-lis-  
tic-fra-gil-ca-li-rep-us" ever wing;  
and for each child enchained here to the rich,  
pitch Mummy's credit cards.    
Then kill the b*tch."  
 
*   *   *  
   
a dedication of Respect  
for  
the Pain of millions of children  
enslaved for untold decades to come  
by the one percent wealthy,  
the owners of nations, the masters of empires  
 
a helios dramatic-monologue shakespearean sonnet/menippean satire  
 
october, 2022 -- yet this Halloween season  
treats countless being charged to credit cards by eye candy  
still full tricked out in superficiality - ick! - expialidocious!!!  
.   .   .
Written by Jordan (D.O.C.)
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DeathRattle89
DeathRattle89
Lost Thinker
United States
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Joined 27th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 17

Insanity's Palindrome

Insanity's Palindrome
DeathRattle89
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olivia
olivia
oliviaaah
Thought Provoker
Netherlands
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Joined 30th Aug 2022
Forum Posts: 11

Summer

I was so scared that night, It was sale time
and was too late for me to leave the mall
and go home. and where my house was,
there used to be a graveyard in the middle
of the road. It was summer and my condition
was bad due to heat n I was sweating a lot
while cycling together. my bicycle was moving
on the road n the walls of the graveyard
were looking closer to me now. All of a
sudden my eyes were torn apart When
I saw a blurry human figure from afar,
I was already scared and now I was
getting more scared. As I was passing
by the gate of the graveyard I saw,
A charming boy with dashing personality
 by wearing new clothes  was walking
around the grave, seeing him made me
curious as to why he is roaming around  
the grave at night. I got off from the
bicycle and ran up to him in fear and
told, No one even passes by here
in such a late night n  why are you walking around like that?
 N He started smiling strangely after
listening to me. and said, what is there to be afraid of?
I was feeling hot in the grave,
n that's why I'm roaming outside…

Written by olivia (oliviaaah)
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