Poetry competition CLOSED 1st September 2022 8:46pm
Northern_Soul (-Missy-)
View Profile Poems by Northern_Soul
RUNNERS-UP: ursa and APissPoorShaman


Delightfully Bonkers #2

Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 20awards
Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 1208

Poetry Contest

The madness returns!
I loved the last Bonkers competition, so here is another one.  Hooray!

Here, you can be funny, silly, illogical, chaotic, ridiculous and anything else you like, apart from sexually explicit.

No idea what the rules are!

Joshua Bond
Tyrant of Words
Palestine 41awards
Joined 2nd Feb 2017
Forum Posts: 1798


From the vintage lifeboat, safely moored in a museum,
it’s a receding horizon …
… no it’s not, it’s a sailing-boat turned turtle, righting itself.
Wrong, it’s a politician doing a U-turn;
wrong again, it’s a receding hairline crack in a pot
fired on the job
and which hated the bloody horizon anyway
faking appetising firey-red sunsets to fool the eye
into swallowing something of virtual necessity
when all along it was traditional all-out war
with physical people trying to live a little,
and floundering collaterally damaged
wear masks against the rubble-dust.
Still, will someone please Put_in a Good Word
for capitalist-communist oligarchs —
I mean, where would London be without them?
For chrissakes we’re all bio-security risks
and must be quadruple-vaxxed with valid QR-codes
to qualify for refugee status, even in our own country.
Well, they could at least donate half-a-billion each
to help pay for track-n’-trace their super-yachts.
Those who saved the boat-immigrants from drowning last year
were labelled ‘human-traffickers’ but are now ‘heroes’ again
and protestors who used to be ‘far-right-extremists’ & ‘anti-vaxxers’
are now applauded for their brave collective action.
Moody & Fitch have down-graded Covid to B-movie status
but then again they gave junk bonds triple-A status.
Meanwhile discount sales of armaments to Ukrainians
make weapons the Number-1-go-to for peace-brokering —
(nice marketing coup for the war industry).
Britain, having blown up its gas-line to the EU,
plays little-willy to America, and fuel has rocketed to well over €2/litre.
Never mind, when Ukraine has experienced some decent ‘levelling up’,
with the Ruskies showing the Brits how to do it properly,
we’ll all pitch in to ‘build back better’ … including Chinks in the armour …
… and all in the name of our common humanity solving the climate crisis.
Brexit was supposed to be a European spat
but the nukes are getting bored being ignored for 75 years
and are demanding some real action on the global stage;
those who vote for The-Strong-Man to ‘get-things-done’ — beware.
Anyway, who expected a killer-virus to remain anonymous for ever?

Tyrant of Words
Canada 43awards
Joined 30th July 2020
Forum Posts: 918

Shades of Hombres and Ombrage

It was a weird day in May
Was it the fourth, the fifth or the sixth?
Who knows.
For after all the songs, the dances
The smokes and the booze
Some could hardly remember their names
Fitzpatrick, Fitzgerald
Or was it Gerald Harold Patrick Fitz
It no longer mattered
As long as they, between friends,
Finally found a fit.
Written by robert43041 (Viking)
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Thought Provoker
United States 13awards
Joined 4th May 2022
Forum Posts: 245


The Third Time Ought To Be the Charm        
"A prospective parent is the greatest threat to humanity."        
-- a Logically Sound Truth        
beyond all Rational doubt        
*   *   *        
"Pack everything at once!  You have to go!        
The mockingbird!  The diamond ring!  The glass!        
That stork!  I swear to Walt!  It must be slow!        
Not getting your CONSENT to breed your ass!        
Yet three times now!  And still the same mistake!        
Just like the baby twins!  All that ado!        
One eaten by a croc here at the lake!        
The other by a lion at the zoo!        
And here again I see NO GUARANTEE!        
So now at any time you could expire!        
Like Mother's triplets yet!  Set one and three!        
Both up in smoke that second nursery fire!        
Sweet seven dwarfs!  Great Cinderella balls!        
Enough!  From here on out--no Cabbage Dolls!"        
*   *   *        
a dedication of Respect        
the Pain of each child brought into the world        
with neither its consent nor a guarantee from harm        
a revolving helios dramatic monologue/shakespearean sonnet        
August, 2022 -- the impossibility of not being able to get an ovum's consent to be brought into the world  
yet not making the Ethical problem vanish with the wave of a magical wand  
.   .   .        
The Optional Feetnotes        
"An estimated 3.3 million children under the age of 5 die each year from        
 serious birth defects. . . ."          
"15,000 children under five years old die every day [from diseases]."        
--Our World in Data    
"Every year, 175 million children globally are expected to be affected by natural disasters, including floods, cyclones, droughts, heatwaves, severe storms, and earthquakes."  
--The Society for Research in Child Development    
"Approximately 12,000 children . . . die from unintentional injuries each year."      
--The Centers for Disease Control        
"Every five minutes, a child dies as a result of violence."      
--The Global Partnership          
"Every six seconds, a child under the age of 5 dies somewhere in the world."      
Written by Jordan (D.O.C.)
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Tyrant of Words
England 33awards
Joined 10th Jan 2021
Forum Posts: 5947

Fire of Insight
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Nov 2020
Forum Posts: 51


Where once there were  grapes
now lie the shriveling remnants of raisins
still squeezed of their intense nonsense essence
into raisin juice, their seeds crushed to powder
blown out impotent and omnipotent
into the mid-day breeze of now
Survival unrivaled, a spiral unraveled  
Dumb plumb juice turns to June prune juice
as March magick marches on into an April ape-fool
using a new tool -evolving and solving
unsure fate within a prison with no cure
Nature isn't sure what day it is.
--------THE NUTS ARE CRUSHED--------
squeezed into....
-nut butter and jelly-
sand witches
cum and come
to burn all carnal concerns as she burns
She comes to feed us, not to starve us
no fear here.....in the eternal........
Written by archie23
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Fire of Insight
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Nov 2020
Forum Posts: 51

Sweetish, meet balls

Sweetish, meet balls
"Hello balls, nice to meet you"
Balls meet sweetish!!!!!!!!!
"Nice to meet you too, sweetie, So you're from Sweden?"
"Ya, I am, and where are you from?"
"I'm from Bulge area"
And they lived happily ever after.
Written by archie23
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Tyrant of Words
United States 151awards
Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1831

The King and the Jester

Once upon a time in a land far away.
There lived a man whose name was Chester,
And Chester’s last name was Sylvester
And he happened to the be court’s jester.

Chester Sylvester lived in the village
Near a lake surrounded by green parks
But the waters were very infested
With piranhas, eels, crocodiles and sharks!

Nobody dared drink the water,
Let alone swim in the lake at all,
It was the most beautiful scene in the kingdom,
No one came near, no one was so gullible.

Then one day, the trumpets played,
And the bridge lowered in the castle,
The king came out in his royal clothes,
With his horses and chariots in a hassle.

They went to the village where everyone waited,
All of them bowed their heads in honor of royalty,
As the king in his chariot announced in the town square,
“To all men in the village, I want to test your loyalty”

And so they followed the king down the path,
The king was about to make a proclamation
Everyone wondered what he had in mind,
They were shocked when they go to their destination

“If anyone dares swim this lake from shore to shore,
I will give him one of these three things,
Become governor of this land or take half of all my treasure,
Or the hand of my daughter in marriage for being loyal to me”

All the so-called brave men stood on the pier,
Looking at the water and at the king,
For every single one of them lived in fear,
Nobody would make it alive or prove loyalty to him.

For two hours on that hot summer afternoon,
Those men stood still in fright for this great feat,
Even if the temptations for honor and reward was great,
But sure death waited underneath their feet.

All the villagers looked around and murmured
Who would be Governor, or the take the cash?
Or marry the beautiful princess, who’s brave enough,
When suddenly everyone heard a splash!

They all turned around to see who it was,
To see who was the one that jumped into the water,
And it was the king’s jester! from his court!
The king’s fool had jumped into a sure slaughter.

Chester Sylvester swam for his life, with all his strength,
He paddled and kicked as fast as he could,
Because the sea creatures started to swim toward him,
As he feared for his life like anyone would.

He paddled and kicked and stroked and stroked
As the piranhas started to nibble at his feet,
The eels started to shock him in the ribs,
And the crocodiles tried to get a chunk of meat.

But the sharks would proved to be the worst
To be the ones to deliver the deadly blow.
And everyone cheered “go Chester, go Chester”
But this fool would not turn out to be so slow.

And everyone cheered “go Chester, you can do it”
As he was beaten and bitten but he would not drown,
It was the spectacle of the year, a showstopper,
Everybody would have respect for this clown.

Chester Sylvester the Court Jester swam for his life
And the water creatures would only get a little bit,
Because the man kicked and screamed with fury,
For honor and reward the jester wouldn’t quit.

Chester Sylvester finally made it to the shore,
Bloodied and beaten, he passed the test,
And now it was time for him to claim his reward,
Everybody knew from then on he was the best.

The entire village ran to his side around the lake,
And the king came to him very much surprised,
Even though the joker was bruised and battered,
He had proven his loyalty in everyone’s eyes.

The king stood in front of him stoic,
With the proclamation in his hand,
The king congratulated the loyal jester,
Tired and beaten but a successful man.

The king quieted the villagers and then said:
“For many years in my court you’ve been a fool,
Now you have made a name for yourself,
You have been the only one to obey this rule,

Now tell me, do you want to become Governor?”
But Chester Sylvester answered no.
“Then do you want half of all my treasures?”
But the court Jester again replied no.

“So it’s the hand of my daughter in marriage,
It’s the beautiful princess who you want!”
But Chester Sylvester again said no.
“Then what could you possibly want?”

And the court jester catching his breath said:
“I don’t want any riches, I don’t want anything,
But what I do want to know is,
Who’s the one that pushed me in?”
Written by wallyroo92
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Thought Provoker
Canada 2awards
Joined 24th Apr 2021
Forum Posts: 40

The Dinner Guests

Lamb, we invited, as she gets on well with Red Cabbage
hope her mood improves somehow; she stewed all afternoon.
Cheddar seemed sharp-tongued, wanting Beef to be tender
because Potatoes kept roasting; too salty too soon.

The Eggs weren’t so devilish, nor sunny-sided, the whole family,
perhaps a nap will turn over their easy-going selves in a while
And if you heard dear Horseradish, his throat-clearing was noticed
willing to compliment others, always had such strong style!

But if I really must draw on Dinner’s finest interruption
After Cotton set the tables and made Ambiance bright
was that our friend Confetti Cake was spilling all over when
she drank too much with Wine, and flirted with the tail end of Night.
Written by ursa
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Fire of Insight
United States 2awards
Joined 12th May 2021
Forum Posts: 27

I am not crazy (An internal dialogue)

I am not crazy
I said I ....
I heard you
You are so rude
You've said that too
Will you shut up!?
Make me
How many board feet of lumber are in a redwood tree?
    stupid brain, that with keep him quite a while
I'm back and have an answer
Well, how many?
How many what?
How many board feet of lumber?
Oh that, I'm not going to tell you
Why not?
Because you asked
You're rude
You're rude, you're rude, is that all you can say?
I'm not talking you you anymore
Sorry, it's not that easy
Make me
Written by APissPoorShaman (Ryszard)
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Thought Provoker
Canada 2awards
Joined 24th Apr 2021
Forum Posts: 40

Not Gotten

Not Gotten
I got nothing  
not gone to things  
forgot something    
sat rotten,  
no thought in  
quite often  
quite me.  
Not bought in,    
not more than  
one look got    
no one mistook    
a lot more    
forgotten folk  
got it from me.  
Got nowhere  
when I took    
to be gotten  
was not got  
for got nothing  
forgot all, forget    
full regretfully    
not gotten  
got me.
Written by ursa
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Tyrant of Words
United States 74awards
Joined 21st July 2020
Forum Posts: 2349

Brutal Phantom Pain, Exquisite Dreams and A Once Upon a Time

It's within the blurry haze  
when I catch tiny glimpses  
those split second aches  
that nearly break me,  
bringing me to my knees
Renewed awareness
of absence  
How very much I've missed  
Memories that will never be made  
and a hole that never quite heals  
Pain attracts  
Like, like attracts like
Reasoning is never again
of any solid reason
it's where in stasis becomes routine  
and a soul slowly withers
without even realizing  
it had always been withering  
from that crucial moment forward—
by the death
of an almost beginning.  
Written by Bluevelvete
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Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 20awards
Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 1208

Thank you EVERY single one of you for your awesome entries.  We had a real flurry at the last moment, and I found them thoroughly entertaining.  I'll leave you all some nice comments over the next few days.  Particularly well done to Missy, Ursa (for her first offering) and Ryszard!  I'll run another Bonkers competition for September, and hope to see you all there.

Tyrant of Words
England 33awards
Joined 10th Jan 2021
Forum Posts: 5947

Thank you for allowing the bonkers. Take that how you will. 😂

Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 20awards
Joined 1st Aug 2021
Forum Posts: 1208

I did write my own similar poem in response to yours, because I liked it so much.  Mine isn't as good though!

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